This seems like the ideal set up. In a lot of
ways it is. Part time working moms get the best of both worlds. We get a fist
full of life outside the home and a baby and kid to coo over all afternoon when
work is finished. We can wipe clean our workday and see our kids with fresh
eyes and perspective as they enter into the wider world beyond our home cocoon.
More income is coming into the household, not a lot of income in my case
but something to help with the daily round. My kids get to see me more then they
would if I worked full time. I actually miss them in a day verses being so
overloaded with parenting I am ready to ditch as soon as my co-parent arrives
home. I have time to pick them up from
school or day care, hear about the day and go home to some play, dinner prep,
down time and nursing. I get to role model for my girls a confident mama in the world taking on big projects with her family alongside her. Recently Sweetpea told me she wanted to work at the Botanic garden when she grew up. I have a reason to get dressed up in the morning, wash my
nice clothes and throw a huge spit rag over it all in hopes I won't be blurped
on before I get to work.
Our minds are filled with the details of our
jobs as well as the details that make the engine of a family running steady. My
partner shares the parenting load more. Home life and work life are split up
and we both play an integral role in each place. A level of respect and harmony
floats around us when I have a moment to notice it.
I have others looking after my young ones who
love, respect and care for them. I use the mantra it takes a village to raise a
child and trust my babies are taken care of and its good for them to experience
life and culture with more then just me and daddy. There is energy in the part
time working mamas home. An energy of accomplishment, being present and a
little bit of chaos. Two non-profit jobs cannot hire a cleaning person so we
settle for a bit of dirt and clutter that gets scurried away when we have a
party or friends over for dinner.
Part time work has a lot of pros but like
most life choices it is also not as dreamy as it seems. The part time
worker is not paid as well. We get no benefits except the benefit of more time
with our family. We forgo a lot of self-time for work time. Creativity is an
after thought that lives burning in my heart and only get touched upon
occasionally. As a women and mother I often put the needs of my family or job
first and suffer from not being authentic to the creative well within. Exercise
only sometimes happens and usually involves taking an unwilling kid along. As a
part time worker my experience is so unique. So many other part time workers
have such a varied experience. Some work from home, or have to take the office
with them everywhere. Some are on call, some have their own business. It’s a
hard way to relate to others experience when the experience can look so vastly
different. We are all united on having kids and making some money at the work
we do but the similarities often stop there.
There is no handy acronym for the part time
working mom, not SAHM or working mom, you are kind of a hybrid. Finding good,
affordable childcare that caters to working parents as well as SAHM is rough too.
Full time day cares are too expensive and not what I want but part time day
cares like mothers day out only sort of work and are full of SAHM so you feel a
little isolated as a worker in their midst.
Going from SAHM to working mom was a huge
shift as well. I constantly compare my experience with my first to my second
and try to measure up to what I did the first time around. I cannot be there
for everything with Little Pickle and it is heart breaking. At the same time it
is relieving to have more income and knowing she is being well taken care of by
others so I can also do important work in the world.
As a part time working mom you feel the urge
and pressure to do everything a SAHM does but half the time to do it. You want
to take on the PTA and volunteer projects at the school, you want to make
muffins and have long kid directed play times after school. You have the
expectation that you can get all the housework done and dinner ready every
evening. But there is just not enough time for it all. So it happens in chunks.
Chunks of self-care used for writing dates and calling up dear friends to talk.
Going to interesting events around town. Time to snuggle up with your husband
and watch a show in the 2 hours between when the kids fall asleep and when it’s
your time to turn in. Chunks of time and patience are key to well being.
I salute you fellow PTWM! You are kicking
butt on so many levels, now stop and give your self a much needed bath and book
date.
Being a stay at home parent is political. We
do all the work that keeps a family unit functioning and don't see a dime for
all the effort that takes. We hold the emotional and physical stability of a
house and a child. The role of a stay at home mom specifically is wrought with
sexism and feelings of inadequacy. I recently heard another stay at home mom
talk about how she said to her husband, "I want to feel like I am
contributing to society. I don't get paid to do housework and take care of our
kids." He replied, "honey you get paid in makeovers and
pedicures." This is one extreme example of sexism but there are plenty of
micro aggressions that happen in the political nature of the stay at home mom.
My child is freshly 2. The "plan"
was to have the baby and have me go back to work when she was 6 months old and
our money ran out. When I graduated from college and had Sweetpea we were and
still are in the middle of a huge economic downturn. The amount of jobs and the
amount of people wanting them is way out of whack. When Sweetpea turned 6
months we moved to Austin. We thought Austin would be an easier place to get
jobs, turns out being an artist in a very creative and young town makes the
competition fierce for anything art related. Daddy was able to get employed
quickly with the city in his field, health, education, and advocacy. I on the
other hand have been struggling to find good work for a year and half,
experiencing multiple interviews and letdowns. This is not just the economy, I
am not willing to settle for whatever job and pay the high fees of childcare to
be able to do it. It has put stress on our family and depleted any idea that we
had about not going into debt. It has also been a great success in making do
and being there to experience what really matters.
Then there is classism. Stay at home
moms are looking for community with other parents who are choosing to be full
time with their young people. What is one of many things that gets in our way of being connected?
The big C of classism. I came into the role of being a stay at home parent
because of necessity. Some moms plan it all out and choose that they will be
the stay at home parent. The folks that choose this I notice seem to have a
good financial cushion. These mostly middle and upper class moms who have
personal trainers after giving birth to get there body back. They have their
own car to take the little one places, they always have money for museum admissions,
date nights with their partners, hired babysitters and infant music classes. I
am sure these stay at home moms also battle with the same inner demons of
inadequacy, isolation and the stress of holding together the family unit. It seems that our society at this point
largely holds this kind of mom to be what is expected if you are a stay at home
mom. I know this is not always the case, just my experience as a nanny and
now working class mom.
I see all stay at home parents struggling
with this. The stay at home dads I hang out with don't have the added bonus of
sexism to deal with but definitely get hurt around their manhood for choosing
to be domestic and be with their kids full time. The pressure of keeping the
working people in the house happy and getting some time to yourself once in a
blue moon is something all stay at home parents have to deal with.
I like that I am getting the chance to be
with Sweetpea this much, I like that she sees me prioritize her and gets to
learn from my wisdom. I like watching her grow and being there for the big
happenings in her development. I wish that it were easier. I wish I had more of
a support network, that I didn't feel obligated to do a huge share of the
housework because I am home the most. That doing house work didn't feel so
degrading because there are centuries of women behind me scrubbing the kitchen
floor, attending to their young people and worrying about how to make ends
meet.
I start a substitute-teaching job next week.
I will be teaching art in after school programs with a really awesome organization
called “Creative Action.” I do not know how we will be able to get the
childcare we need yet but I am rolling with it and believing the right answers
will show up. This job is a crack in the door of arts education, a field
I want to break into. I am excited to see what opportunities come up after I
start. I hope to hit a balance with my stay at home mom status by bringing in
some much needed extra cash and giving myself a break. I am still figuring out what is fair and how I want house work to go in my home. I will keep you posted. What have you figured out?
