Reclaiming Advent With Nature

The word “Advent” means “coming” or “arrival.” It is used in the Christian tradition to refer to the four Sundays before Christmas, when people prepare for the birth of the Christ child. However, this seasonal observance has been kept by people around the world from all paths and beliefs; as autumn gives way to winter, we prepare for the return of the sun, the lengthening of days, and for the insights that we can gain from reflection on the year that has been and what we hope to manifest for the future.  -Sarah Logan- City of Lakes Waldorf School

When I was a child we celebrated advent in the traditional Catholic way. My mother brought out the nativity, which seconded as my favorite childhood dollhouse. Next to the nativity went the handmade wreath made from evergreen branches in our backyard. We nestled four candles into the wreath meant to represent the 4 weeks before Christ’s birth. I always found this alter space to be a magic place. It was placed in a darker corner of the living room and was often lit by the Christmas tree lights.

My mother would hide the baby Jesus who would not be placed into his manger until the night of Christmas Eve. Each night of advent we would light one candle per week until all the candles would be lit by the 4^th week. My mother would read us a prayer and that was that. It was a lovely, simple ritual that brought meaning and painted a vivid picture for me of the celebration of darkness turning into light. 

As an adult my views have changed some, I don’t follow the same Catholic path I was raised with and now celebrate the advent season in a different way. I claimed the Winter Solstice as my neutral religious holiday.  I have found the basis beyond most winter holidays, no matter the religion, is the celebration of sunlight coming back to our cold, dark wintery earth. Our family has created our own ritual around Solstice and has also adopted Christmas as our gift giving and family holiday as well as Hanukkah, which we celebrate with Jewish friends. With so much celebration you would think that would be enough, but I continued to experience nostalgia for the simple beauty of the ritual of Advent. 

As an educator with a particular interest in alternative education models, I came across Waldorf Schools (early childhood through high school) and was very intrigued. “Waldorf education, also known as Steiner education, is based on the educational philosophy of Rudolf Steiner, the founder of Anthroposophy. Its pedagogy strives to develop pupils' intellectual, artistic, and practical skills in an integrated and holistic manner. The cultivation of pupils' imagination and creativity is a central focus” (www. Wikipedia/waldorf.com).   

I have had many close friends graduate from Waldorf schools and have learned some about their experiences and philosophies. I got my biggest dose of information on this kind of schooling and movement by working in a Waldorf early childhood (Life Way’s) program. I did online courses while working there and immersed myself in the knowledge of mentors who had chosen the Waldorf path. In my studies I learned more about the rituals and celebrations of the school. I love the connection to nature , the four seasons and the focus on making our daily life work magical and important. I also love the Waldorf focus on seasonal celebrations and making each season important, beautiful and full of meaning.

One winter Solstice my family attended a winter celebration at the Waldorf schoolhouse where I worked. We walked through a spiral made of Evergreen branches ending with a burning candle in the middle of the spiral. On the path were objects of significance including bones, seashells, crystals, plants, animals made of clay and other beautiful objects. We were meant to walk the spiral quietly, one at a time with a candle. When we got to the middle of the spiral we were supposed to light our candle from the flame and then walk out of the spiral with our candles lit. It was a wondrous evening, full of warmth and meaning and left me with questions about all that I saw and did.  We went to the space without a guide so the whole thing felt mysterious and new. 

A year or so later, after leaving my position at the Waldorf school, I decided to research the way Solstice was celebrated in the Waldorf tradition. This led to my discovery of how advent was celebrated. “In Waldorf schools, for many years, children of all backgrounds have participated in the month-long observance of the rebirth of the light through songs, stories, craft activities, and the Winter Spiral festival. It is a way for children to experience quiet beauty in a season of busyness.”-Sarah Hogan. There was my childhood holiday steeped in Catholic tradition and belief laid out in a nature based fashion that included all the love of ritual my raised Catholic heart craved. Yes!

This is the prayer of advent in the Waldorf tradition:

 

“The first Light of Advent It is the Light of stones:
The Light that shines in seashells In crystals and our bones.
The second Light of Advent It is the Light of plants:
Plants that reach up to the sun And in the breezes dance.
The third Light of Advent, It is the light of beasts:
The Light of faith that we may see In greatest and in least.
The fourth Light of Advent It is the Light of humankind:
The Light of hope, of thoughts and deeds,
The Light of hand, heart and mind.” -Rudolph Steiner

“It is no accident that so many festivals are planned for these dark days. Celebrations of light, community, and sharing remind us to carry the gifts of summer with us into the quiet of winter. At the time of the longest night, we find joyful celebrations of returning light. The Jewish celebration of Hannukah, the remembrance of the rededication of the Temple and of the miracle of lamps whose oil should have lasted one day and lasted for eight, falls at this time of year. The Hindu festival of lights, Divali, has just passed. Many earth-based traditions honor the winter Solstice with special joy, lighting fires and candles and exchanging gifts.”

 -Sarah Logan- City of Lakes Waldorf School

We have been celebrating Advent this year the Waldorf way. I started in November making watercolor backgrounds and writing out the verses from the prayer above for each night of Advent. My daughter and I collected cedar boughs from a local park and decorated around our candelabra that always lives in the middle of our table.  We put out our good beeswax candle tapers. On the first week of advent I assembled shells from our past travels. I also displayed crystals and dried starfish for bones. Before dinner each night, we lit the candle and said the verse. During dinner we spend some time discussing our favorite mineral or plant or animal, dependent on what week we are on and then spend the rest of dinner chatting as we normally do. Our family altar has been focused on Saint Nicholas and Saint Lucia, two other holidays we like to celebrate*, but will also soon have our nativity scene. Baby Jesus will again be hidden until Christmas Day. Some rituals still live on. J It makes me happy to see my daughters play with the nativity characters with as much enthusiasm as I did.

I am still learning the whole significance of Advent and will have to read more as my new family tradition unfolds, but that is just what it is, an unfolding. I have relieved myself of the pressure of creating the perfect, most researched ritual that mimics exactly what I think a Waldorf celebration should look like. I am taking the things I do know and adding my own twist. I use my children’s input and love of story, ritual and celebration to infuse the way we do Advent and make it truly our own. 

I love to reclaim holidays and pass on the traditions to my dear children. How do you like to bring home the magic of celebrations in your life?  

 * Saint Lucia Day is a holiday celebrated most commonly in Sweden marking the beginning of the Christmas Season celebrated on December 13^th with a procession of girls with candle wreaths on their heads and boys with star crowns. My family celebrates by having a party where the children serve cookies and coffee and make wreaths and crowns, hear the legend of Saint Lucia and process around the backyard.

 * Saint Nicolas Day is the Czech Christmas on December 6^th. We celebrate by telling the story of Saint Nicolas, his life and good deeds and having something special in the children’s stockings as well as eating apples and fish, traditional Czech food. 

Designing Indoor Natural Play Spaces Part 1

So many parents I know, myself included hate the weird, loud, plastic toys that are so prevalent in childhood toy manufacturing today. So many parents I know also can’t afford to get the eco or wooden versions of toys on the market that cost an arm and a leg. What is a parent to do? I have not completely solved this conundrum but I have set up a playroom in the heart of our home, that is fun, playful, imaginative and a space I want to hang out in as well as the children. A few tips from books and learning from Lifeways, an early childhood program that centers around making homelike, natural spaces for children to be in, has helped me to create both function and order in my kids favorite play-space, the Den. 

Design for you and them: Design a space you like to be in that incorporates your children’s playthings. Your children might be drawn to different activities, try to design the space so that it follows their lead but is also easy to clean and put away at the end of the day. An ideal play space let’s children really get into their play but also is pleasant for you to look at and a place for you to be. 

The young child wants to be close to their parents while they play, they learn through mimicry and often play in a way that imitates the parent’s activity. The more the toys are similar to what you use and things you like to see, the more harmonious your home will feel. Also remember to keep in mind their favorite activities. I accessed what my children were most drawn to playing with. When I saw their biggest interests I narrowed the playing field so I did not have too many options available at once. 

Display is key: If children can’t see the toys they tend to do the “dump everything out” game instead of actually playing with the toys. The way I store toys is by category in baskets, all transportation toys go in an old milk crate that has been labeled and has a picture. We use one of those Ikea book shelves that line the walls with small squares to fill with basket storage or mini displays. The top two rows are dedicated to adult things including a family altar, art books and picture albums as well as a basket filled with our home tools and hardware. The bottom 2 shelves are dedicated to the children’s playthings. Milk crates make great sturdy tubs that are easy to take out and see through. Pretty, square, baskets display things and also make it easy to take out. These can often be found at thrift stores. If you can’t find them used, the new ones are a good investment, they last, have the beauty in your home factor and can be used for dozens of things.

Limit the Screens: It takes a concerted effort to not let screens take over your child’s world these days. Every family is different in what makes sense for them around screen time. What we have figured out for us is we limit the kind of screens, what is seen on them and for how long. Sweetpea and Little Pickle are allowed to watch shows on the TV for up to 2 hours on the weekend, 1 hour on a school night. That is it.  We recently started letting our 7 year old play an educational game on the computer, she can decide if she wants to play the game or watch a show for the allotted time. We don’t do hand held or personal video game devices. Media is public and in view of the parents. We weed out shows for weird messages and incorrect information. I often end screen time by watching the last few minutes of the show with my children, that way we transition together to the next activity. The TV lives in our adult living room away from the children's play things. When its not in use we put the TV to sleep by putting a pretty cloth over it.

Art Table: For Sweetpea, my 7 year old daughter, her art table is the heart of her play. A whole corner of the den is dedicated to all her tinkering. She also has the majority of one closet to collect her supplies.  The base of the art table is a thrift store table and chair covered in an old Mexican oilcloth. I love oilcloth for its beauty and function. It’s so easy for her to make a mess and clean it up while still having a nice space to be creative. I have a few different sized boxes on the table for her to collect all her supplies in and half finished projects. There are several little buckets filled with markers, tape and scissors giving her easy access and clean up for these items. I also bought a set of those little drawers that can live on top of her desk for all the random bits and bobs she collects for collage. Above the desk is two push pins holding up a ribbon with clothespins. This is a way to display some of her recent creations. A collection of various artwork of her choosing goes up on the ribbon and is switched out monthly. The table is often covered in scraps of cardboard and ribbon or a stack of old catalogs waiting to be collaged. This is her artistic spot and part of giving her creative freedom means I try not to control it too much. Still she knows the rule, art always happens at the art table, so no messy painting projects for me to help clean up anywhere but on that table.

Play Kitchen & House: Little Pickle, my 2-year-old daughter, is more random in her interests. A toddler seems to like variety in their play so they need to have a few options readily available. The one thing I see her come back to over and over is playing house and caring for babies. We made an affordable, small kitchen set from an Ikea hack for sweetpea’s second birthday. The kitchen sits nicely in the corner of the playroom with a basket of fake food and dishes that can be used with it. I collected this food over time, selecting the wooden and metal pieces from different consigned sets and getting some of it from friends as presents.

Instead of plastic cribs and gear for her babies we use baskets found at thrift stores. We line them with handkerchief blankets and old swaddle cloths. These make pretty and cozy beds for babies and when she is all done playing it is also easy cleanup.

I have talked about all the concepts to keep in mind for designing your play space and I have started talking about some of the areas we have created. Next post will be even more info on the different sections for play and some tips for beating boredom that doesn’t cost a dime. Stay tuned!

Love For December Roses

That sense of delight, of wonder, of joy,

I spot them out of the corner of my eye, chilly winter pale across our ranch style neighborhood, then bright bursts of color as we turn the corner toward home.

Canary yellow, deep scarlet, flamingo pink, a shade of pink I want to call baby’s cheek.

They sprout from the tips of the thorniest out stretched arms of the ancient plants of my 1950’s house. Who planted them? The bottoms of the bushes look like reptile skin. How could something so rough and desert -like produce the most delicate soft balls of scent and surprise?

My memories stretch far back to an old house, crumbling at the edges, held together with duck tape and vines by the name of Terra Down. I awoke on a June morning to dew kissed peach roses tickling my nose. It was the perfect way to be woken to a new year in my early 20’s. This was a dear friend’s surprise, waking me to the world with the romantic, spicy scent of roses.  

Roses belong in June, in my birthday month. I am forever imprinted with this knowledge and memory. Yet, here it is, the bleak brown and white of December, gray is as solid as the air and then, them…

I laugh aloud as I cut the open blossoms to decorate my winter table.  A neighbor walks by with his dog, hears me giggle. I hold up the glass jar filled with blossoms and we both chuckle at the spectacle, the crazy reality of weird Oklahoma winters, the climate change that might have brought about these curiosities. Yet I can’t help but smile at the rare beauty, the mystery and marvel of roses in December.

Designing Natural Outdoors Play Spaces

It is easy to imagine an idyllic kids back yard. I see a huge jungle gym, a trampoline and dreamy playhouse. All of these are awesome things to facilitate environments children will be excited to play outside in. The only problems with these kinds of play structures are they are just what they are. You can play imaginative games on them, but in the end they only provide one kind of play. Designing a space that is more imagination focused requires some strategizing. Investigating the way children play outside happily for hours takes some forethought and consideration for the way humans like to live outside.

You do not necessarily want to recreate an indoor environment outside, though using some of what you learn inside will help in the outdoors. It is about reconnecting with all the elements that make an outdoor play space great, such as having a spot to dig, having different terrain to traverse, and having a combination of wet and dry ingredients available. It is also about thinking like an animal. Finding warm, sheltered places, good spots to hide and good spots to stretch out. You can also plant herbs so that young people run across their fragrances as they play. You can set up whole gardens that attract wildlife and allow opportunities for families to study nature up close and examine butterflies for hours.

Designing a natural play space can look a bit like designing a cozy forest. You want gardens, sweet, village-like home setups, pathways that lead to adventure and take you in a circular fashion around the yard. There must be places to dig and get messy and places to clean up afterward. Below is a list of all the things I have figured out about making a natural play space in my backyard.  

Elements of a Natural Play Space

Loose, open ended materials lying around

A pile of leaves in the corner, trimmed branches from the hedges, a pile of river rocks, these are just three examples of materials that become open ended play opportunities. Bundles of sticks become forest shelter construction, tinder for a fire pit, even a mat for babies to sleep on, or fishing poles for sale. The possibilities for an old pile of branches are endless.

River rock is smooth and easy to fit in you hand. Buckets of river rock become trade objects in imaginary towns and river rock in the sand box makes for great hide and seek games when hidden under piles of sand. Rocks can also become decorative elements on mud/sand chocolate cakes.  

Leaf piles are great hiding spots, a chance to explore bug life and inhale the sweet scent of decaying leaves. A leaf throwing party and a chance to rake it all up and play again is the intentional and resilient work we want to see young people engaged in. Using their bodies, hearts and minds to play.

The Hammock: A hammock immediately brings cozy warmth to a space. It’s a chance to climb in, learn balance and how to steady one’s self. It also gives you the chance to get snuggly with others and have a quiet spot to observe trees and wind. The Hammock is a perfect respite for a long day and once you have one up you will find yourself longing for it and it. It may even become a part of your daily ritual of relaxing.

A deep sand pit: When we were researching what kind of sand pit to make or buy we realized in order to achieve the kind of sand play we wanted to see happen in the yard we definitely had to make our own. Ready made sand boxes do not get very deep. They don’t seem to hold children’s interest as long as big, deep, sand pits. We dug a large hole into the earth and then filled it with concrete. After that dried we lined the hole with bricks to give it some structure. We then filled it up with play sand, about 25 bags full. The sand pit is central to the backyard play, it seems every age of child that has come into our yard loves the sand pit. I have seen complicated sand castles constructed. Whole cities and towns have been built with moats and dinosaur rulers. I have seen vet clinics established and full on scavenger hunts for things buried in the sand. The extra fun play in the sand box happens when I keep the hose near by. The combo of sand and water is irresistible to most children. My Oklahoma backyard becomes a sandy coastal beach as children fill it over and over with a few inches of water. Getting your toes in wet sand is creating another peaceful experience outdoors. Many deep holes have been dug in that sand box, with intentions to reach China, though no one has made it to the bottom so far.   

Pathways

Pathways establish a garden and natural play space. They lead you to the different play areas and lead you away from the more delicate plants that should not be trampled. The key is not to get to controlling with the paths, you want your pathways to be open and able to change. The best paths I have found follow the way people naturally move through a yard. Observing the way adults and children like to be in your yard will help you figure out the best way to route them. Paths can be as simple as grass mowed in curvy directions around garden beds in your yard or as complex as mulch paths lined with stones. Paths are especially helpful in a forested yard where its hard to tell which living things you should not tread on.

Varying Terrain to Transverse, a little hill or slope

Different aspects of terrain in your yard can create all kinds of exploring options.  I have observed that a little hill or rise in the ground can create lots of adventure games, two hills can create a moat to cross when a board or branch is laid across them. Play can involve rolling down the side of a hill, hiding around the corner or just lying on the side of the hill and observing the sky. I have seen many games of king or queen of the mountain and many processions go over the small hill in our yard. If you do not naturally have a hill in your yard you can easily create one by digging a hole and piling the dirt high. You can seed grass on the hill or just let it lay there. We used the extra dirt from digging the sand box for a hill in our yard.

Vegetation, fragrant plants, habitat gardens, butterfly gardens

Imagine a pack of children running around a yard, hiding behind bushes, and rubbing against lavender plants just to smell that delicious scent on their clothing. They stop for a break and grab a handful of ripe black berries growing along the fence and stop to examine a spider web in-between the grape leaves. Gardens are a huge part of creating a harmonious outdoor space. Starting with native shrubs and flowers can start you on the right path. These will provide habitat for your explorers as well as local wildlife. You will also create beauty and sensuous experience for all the people that enter your yard. Planting native vegetation can require little water and can easily be kept pesticide free because the plants already are acclimated to the place you live.  Once you get hooked on gardening the possibilities are endless, creating butterfly and hummingbird gardens, zen rock gardens, and of course vegetable patches and fruit orchards. Let your imagination run free and let your children help. They often have great ideas and will learn so much from putting life into the earth.

Fairy circles

In our home we have two fairy circles. Our fairy circles are a circular shaped garden bed with a stone in the middle of it for sitting. We also have a circle of stumps we use for fairy tea parties. In the circular garden bed we plant spring and summer flowers, we cut out this part of our yard and lined it with stones, one large flat stone sits in the middle. In the summer sunflowers can surround you. In the spring, poppies of every shade sprout before you.

We also have a set of old stumps we gathered from a friend’s yard. These stumps quickly transform into a fairy tea party. They are a great space for children to have imaginary and real meals and delight in a natural outdoor table area.

Elements of home in the outdoor spaces

My Virgo daughter Sweetpea loves the cozy feeling of home. Taking the comfortable elements of home and putting them outside has made all the difference for her nature connection. When I incorporated the different design elements I describe below it made our backyard a more inviting place for my homebody daughter to play.

Mud Kitchen

This is a fun way of saying an outdoor play kitchen. Old pots and pans, a few make shift burners made from the tops of canning jars screwed into a wooden bench and you have yourselves a perfect beginning to a play kitchen. The most important thing is to not put fancy things in the mud kitchen. Make sure everything is sturdy made from wood, metal or hard plastic and is ok to get dirty. This is not the time to take out the porcelain tea set. Many stews and chocolate cakes topped with dandelion flowers have come out of our mud kitchen.

Pergola and picnic table for outdoor eating

A pergola is a wooden or metal frame that is used to grow vining plants and make a living roof over a part of your garden. Ours grows thick with Wisteria and adds the perfect structure and shade to make outdoor living a year round activity. We have a large enough pergola to house several tables but the one that gets used the most is the wooden picnic bench. Having a big table for everyone to sit or craft brings us outside more. In good weather we eat outside at least once a week. I teach classes at the tables and have used it for cooking projects, painting and many more activities. Having a designated cozy space to work really brings the indoor feeling outside. 

Fort or Tree House

A fort or tree house is a great way to make a home in the outdoors. It is not necessary to making a cozy feeling outside but it is so fun to make, you might find yourself doing it just for the happiness it brings you. My dream when I was young was to have a full playhouse in my back yard. We had a platform my parents constructed. The platform became my home away from home. My friends and I would make house up in the tree. We would construct roofs from old pokeberry branches in summer and fir branches in the winter. The key with constructing a fort is to make it as open ended as possible to not limit the scope of the play. A full on playhouse, while spectacular has trouble becoming an army bunker, or campsite. A raised platform in a tree can really become anything.

The tree house we have now is a raised platform big enough to hold fifteen people at a time. One side sits up against a huge pin oak tree the other three sides are held up with huge posts that have been placed in concrete in the ground. There are two entrances via ladders. I see many rope and pulley systems go up to haul buckets of leaves and materials. Pop up shops selling acorns, herbs and berries and whole bedrooms have been constructed on the platform. Sometimes sweet pea just drags a blanket and pile of books up there for some reading time with her back against the trunk of the big pin oak tree.

Ability to control the temperature

Chiminea’s are little outdoor ovens used to warm up your patio on a cool day or make enough smoke to scare away mosquitoes in the summer. They are easy to start fires in, mostly safe and beautiful to look at. You can buy them at most garden or outdoors stores. We purchased ours from a Mexican pottery import place. 

Big Trees

Not everyone is lucky enough to have big trees around them or in their yard, but if you do take advantage of it. Big trees do a lot to cool the temperature in the summer; they provide the necessary shade to be happy for a long time outside. During my July outdoor summer camp the children were able to survive the heat by staying in the shade of the giant oak trees in my yard. I give thanks for them daily. If you do not have any large trees in your yard consider getting a table set with an umbrella and or making a pergola.

These are just some of the ways I have figured out how to make a dynamic space to be happy outdoors year round. If you are interested in more tips on designing beautiful outdoor nature play spaces stay tuned, check out the Under The Canopy blog for more info in the near future. I would also love to hear what you have figured out on how to make your yard into a natural play space.

Gluten Free Year Two

My history with a gluten free diet is long and sordid. When I was a baby my two year old brother was diagnosed with Celiac disease. The diagnosis came after suffering with a distended belly and not being able to properly digest food for months. Once my parents eliminated gluten from his diet he immediately improved. This was in the early 80’s when not much was available for people who couldn’t eat wheat. It was a hard road for him. I grew up with a lot of wheat alternatives in our home but still ate wheat. My mother explained to me that I had a wheat tummy and my brother had a rice tummy.

Fast forward to my 20’s, I decided to try an allergy elimination diet. I was into trendy, healthy life style stuff and thought I would see if my stomach aches, acne, etc. might be related to food allergies. A lot of my friends were trying this at the time so I thought I could try it too. One of my friends had found out he was allergic to eggs and once he stopped eating them his chronic acne went away. I did not have the same issue but was curious what it might do for my overall health.  

In an elimination diet, you take 3 weeks and refrain from eating all the foods that are common allergens.  These foods are eggs, wheat, dairy, peanuts and corn. After the 3 weeks is over you re-introduce the foods one at a time in a concentrated form. For example when reintroducing dairy you would drink a glass of milk while testing dairy, verses eating a cookie with milk in it. Then you wait for an hour to see if you have an allergic reaction. These reactions can be tricky and varied. One reaction is swelling, soar throat, flu like symptoms. Another is digestion issues, stomach cramps, nausea. Another allergic symptom is sores that can develop on the insides of your lips after eating the food. The first time I did this diet it was really hard to tell what was an allergic reaction. It seemed like all the common allergy foods made me feel high and fuzzy. Eggs seemed to have a stronger sensation but it was hard to tell. The only one that had no side affects was dairy. Luckily dairy and my stomach have always been friends.

After doing this diet once and having such varied results I ended up feeling like it was a waste of time and just went back to eating whatever.

Enter pregnancy a few years later. My body completely changed, even the way I digested food seemed to change for the better. I had suffered for a time with stomach ulcer like symptoms pre-baby, post baby the ulcers resolved. After having the baby, Sweetpea, I was over joyed and super focused on her more then myself. However, I did notice while nursing Sweetpea that wheat bothered me. It was hard to pin point why but I could tell after eating wheat I did not feel good, more lethargic, more sores on my lip, and sometimes hot or burning sensations. I really noticed the symptoms when I was on a trip to Italy. Italy as a country actually has a lot of Gluten Free (GF) options. At the time, I was not restricting my eating and enjoyed lots of pasta and bread. Everyday I felt more and more out of it. My head got really itchy, something inside me kept saying, “this is related to wheat” but I didn’t want to hear it.

 A few years passed after the trip. Over new years, a friend and I decided to set some resolutions around our health. I wrote, “get to the bottom of any health issues” I had. I started this resolution with a 40-day allergy elimination diet. This time I was going to pinpoint the foods I suspected I was allergic to, eggs and wheat. Forty days with no wheat or eggs was rough as most prepared foods contain both these ingredients. Most prepared GF foods have eggs in them, so it was almost all home cooking for me.

I was diligent this time, not eating the foods I knew I shouldn’t and letting go of the random wheat and egg treats that are prevalent everywhere.  I just did not partake.  A pleasant experience from this is I lost about 10 pounds; the random treats really did add up.  I was hoping to lose my baby weight from my second child, Little Pickle, so I was able to check off two new years resolutions at once, score!

A memorable moment in the allergy elimination phase was at an office party where everyone was having decadent cupcakes. I had forgotten about the party and busted out my sunflower butter and jam rice cakes that I had planned to have for lunch. Everyone felt bad for me but I laughed it off explaining my new diet.

After 40 days I re-introduced eggs, whites then yolks. Absolutely no allergic reaction! I was very pleased to see this. On to wheat, I ate half a baguette for lunch. Right afterword I felt woozy. My lips started to sting my throat was sore. The rest of the day was a blur and the next few days I felt like I had the flu. It was terrible and a big wake up call. My body was fighting off an allergic reaction every time I ate wheat. It was inflaming my back, giving me chronic back pain, it made me gain weight and made me feel like crap.  It was time to stop eating wheat.

Sense the initial elimination of wheat and subsequent weight loss, things slowed down into a routine. The first year was all about experimentation, trying new GF products and figuring out how to eat happily with my wheat eating family. Thankfully I was somewhat skilled in this having lived my childhood with my GF brother. Often when I cook I just cook GF for everybody. My husband will do things GF for me as well but sometimes I just eat my own meal. One of the health benefits I noticed was less back pain. I was working with a cranial sacral therapist to help with this as well. I think wheat was inflaming my back and not eating it anymore made my body feel less irritated and tense.

It is now year 2 of being GF. At this point it has become routine. Like a vegetarian I just know there are certain foods I can’t eat. I don’t even really miss them. I associate the wheat foods with the allergic symptoms and that really helps. I occasionally long for real Italian bread but I also know what will happen if I indulge. It is not worth it. It can be a bummer when you’re on a special diet especially when negotiating dinning out options with my family. One day I just let us go to the pizza place and I ate a hearty salad instead. Most of the time though, I can find something GF and tasty on the menu.

There are a lot of alternative baked goods out there now, but they vary in quality. I know to not eat most pre made GF muffins unless I want a dry, sandy overly sweet flavor in my mouth. GF frozen waffles however taste great. GF pop tarts- nasty, GF cinnamon sugar doughnuts-super tasty. I am very particular about the mixes I buy and alternative breads. Bob’s Red mill makes 2 great all purpose GF flours one is garbanzo based, a little healthier, the other is potato starch and tapioca based, it is not very healthy but gives the fluffy soft rise when making pancakes. We use these flours combined with almond flour for most things.  Canyon Bakehouse makes my favorite, whole grain GF bread so far. This bread is my indulgence at $6.99 a loaf but I love toast and eggs for breakfast each morning.

My brother had this disease from when he was a toddler. I watched him deal with this his whole life.  I am blessed to become GF in a time when there is a lot more information & products out there. I wonder how much of my allergy is celiac and how much of it is related to all the chemicals put into wheat and the genetically modified seeds that I am having a reaction to? I will eventually get tested for celiac; for now being GF is what works best for me.

What are your favorite GF foods? What have you figured out about this disease?

Cleaning Out Your Childhood

I just spent a week in my childhood home. It took me to my mid-30s to face the final flotsam and jetsam of my childhood waiting for me in the closet. It took this long partly because I did not want to reclaim my beloved toys without having a solid house to put them in. Now that we have settled for a bit and Sweetpea came of age to actually play with these toys, I saw that it was time. For my mother it had been time for a while. She had been asking me to come get my stuff for years. We headed cross-country this summer with enough space in our car’s trunk for a few of the most valued of my childhood possessions. 

The sorting and trashing of nostalgia is an art form. In the KonMari method of de-cluttering, nostalgia is the last priority one should tackle when getting rid of possessions. Old letters, photos, dear to me trinkets and keepsakes have always had a place in my heart. I was such a romantic/nostalgic kid I would not let anyone throw or give away anything. Luckily I did not have a lot of stuff, but it still could add up. I kept paper bags of chestnuts and crab apples in my room for food in the tiny village games I made up.  I saved locks of hair in envelopes and had a collection of tiny boxes filled with sentimental tiny objects that people had given me or reminded me of places and events in my life. 

As I grew older and became more of an artist the stuff continued to pile up. I kept every issue of Seventeen magazines for collage clippings and every colorful sheet of paper to paint on. As I collected art supplies I also had a large assortment of pen pals, from pre-email days. I loved to gab on the phone with friends but I also loved writing to them and I now have 2 full sized boxes of letters to prove it. Such a treasure trove! There is nothing like old letters to set my cancer heart aflutter. Seeing my friends through words, our experiences together, our hopes and dreams, there really is nothing like it.

I was trying to let go of stuff though, right? Enter the non-nostalgic take care of business parent. This is operation clean out closet, leave no shelf un-dusted. My mission is to leave this place with just 4 boxes of mementos and one dollhouse, go! Luckily, I started the process a few years back when I realized it was time to get my old clutter out of my mom’s house. On that trip I actually went through all the old letters, pouring over the words of dear friends and giggling at a brief affair with a French man who called me Titi. I brought those letters home that trip, now was the time to completely empty the space. Most things were in boxes already but they still needed sorting. With my head and not my heart I sifted through the things that I deemed worth saving and the things that got passed to Goodwill. I often found my self faced with something I had kept for a long time. When I looked at these objects, specifically old works of pottery I had done, I realized the memory of them is what held the meaning. Out of context, actually holding the physical object did not hold the same importance. Many things ended up in the giveaway or throwaway pile that I would have never dreamed of being there before. 

I found the best way to get rid of nostalgic objects is to blow them a kiss as I passed them on. The energy that surrounded them had faded with age, sitting in my old closet for many years. I had very few regrets in this process of purging. There were a couple of handmade stuffed toys that I let go of that I am still thinking about but other then that it was good! It felt right to give new life to an old space. I gave my mother room to move on with that room and do what she would like with it. I am a lucky person to have a family that stayed in the same house through my lifetime, a family that held onto my things till I was ready to purge them. I know a lot of people who did not get that luxury.
Of the things I did keep, I now get to see them be brought back to life, like a “Toys” movie. I get to see my beloved, very 80’s-90’s Barbie dolls being played with by Sweet Pea. I get to see my resurrected old dollhouse in use again, with all its many, miniature, parts.  I still have 2 boxes that are filled with pure nostalgia, one day I might even purge some of them. For now, it is good to hold onto the many layers of self found in old art projects, journals, letters, pictures from my grandmothers and a few of their little trinkets. As long as it is just a few boxes I am ok with keeping them.

I prepped for this trip by working on my daughter’s art projects. From babyhood onward we had amassed a huge amount of sentimental artwork done by her. It seems that every corner of our home was crammed full with boxes and bags of her art projects. I set myself to the task of sorting through and figuring out which pieces were worth keeping and documenting. I wanted to make her a photo book of her best artwork from this early part of her life. What a great way to memorialize the work and let it go, I thought. I had to be very secretive about this process. If Sweetpea even sensed a hint of me trying to recycle anything she made, she was mortally offended. I spent evenings, after bedtime, going thought the bags and hours when she was on play dates, sorting. The whole process for this nostalgic, keep everything parent took a good, solid month. It was hard to see all those bags of her work go into the recycling bin, but when I saw all this open space in the corners of our house, and watched as she busted out 5 new projects in one day alone, I figured we could handle saying goodbye to 3 bags full of 2-year-old scribble art work.

The next big project is going though my artwork, eek! My office closet is filled with old photographic supplies and prints from my early days of photography. I will keep you posted.

Birthdays

I recently watched a Portlandia episode where one of the main characters was making a big deal about her birthday. She was going over the top to celebrate it in all the ways that would delight her. She was drawing  a lot of  attention to herself and really wanting folks to make a big fuss over her. While watching this it drew me into my own birthday reflections. What an interesting moment in time. The moment you were born into the world.  I thought how much I want friends and family to make a fuss over me. How those early baby feelings of being wanted, loved and cooed over come up on this date every year.

At different times I have had amazing birthdays. As a child in Connecticut my mom was skilled at making a really fun home made birthday party based upon my interests at the time. I recall a safari petting zoo theme one year, a boat ride through the Thimble Islands when I was 12 with all my friends, and the traditional cake and play outside when I was little. I went through a lull of big celebrations as a teen. It was hard to figure out how to get together my friends who lived in many different states. One year, my 16^th, was the exception. My friends and mom all met up in New York City and went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and tramped around Soho and Greenwich Village, owning the city. Experiencing NYC with my loved ones felt like the best celebration to me. 

In my early 20’s, while living in Seattle, I had a lovely friend who was great at coming up with big celebrations for me. When I turned 24 I gave her a list of experiences I wanted to have, pet a llama, have a picnic, go to a hot spring. She made a party out of us going on this big adventure into the mountains to a hot spring ending in a llama farm. I also recall being pregnant with Sweetpea and having a Portland birthday adventure. That birthday included a picnic in a park and dancing to Bollywood at a club that night with my big pregnant belly on the dance floor.  I felt free.

By Jessica Foster

Post kids it has been harder to celebrate me. Last night at my birthday potluck as I waited to gather everyone together, the children at the party had their sticky fingers in the ice cream melting around the second layer of my cake. I stood my ground and said “Birthday girl gets the first piece!” but they swarmed like hounds once that piece was cut. Not quite like my birthday the previous year when I turned 35. The adult celebration I got to have when my in laws took the kids. We had wine, viewed my old art school films, folks showed up at 10 pm and the party lingered to midnight. I got a taste of my life pre-children and it was sweet.

As a parent I savor any alone time I get. I am a combo of introvert and extrovert and I find the best way to balance this is by having a good chunk of alone time. As my first birthday present of this year I gifted my self some time sans kids to write at a café. I used these few hours of alone time to contemplate what it means to be in my mid-30s. My 36^th year feels like my adult prime. I think that your 30’s and 40’s are a great time to take charge of the big things you want to do in your life and have the history, clarity and experience of your 20’s to back up your plans. If anything I feel more relaxed, as I get older, that time is expansive and I can have it all just slowly and not all at once.

By Ian Roberts

I am evaluating my life from this new perspective. I find that growing older just makes life better. I am more focused on my goals and less stressed about getting it all done. There was an adrenaline that ran through my 20’s to get everything done and fast. I now have the perspective of time on this planet, time for many things to happen, many wheels to turn, and many projects to develop. My husband has gifted me this ease to some extent. Though he is a master of juggling multiple things as am I, he does not feel that it all needs to happen in a quick way. I see my life unfolding with many delicious treats, at the moment I am in the thick of parenting and starting a business, but I know that I will not always be in this stage of life.

In some ways I can’t wait to get older.  I imagine I will be hitting my stride in all that I am doing and feeling truly in charge of my life. Maybe at that point parenting will become more of a collaboration with my children where I get to guide them more and sideways teach instead of doing so much to keep them afloat. It is good to think into the future and remember that I will reclaim my birthdays again someday and make them all about me. For now I am surrounded by the needy love of young people and it is still sweet.  I love all the homemade gifts, cards, making messy breakfast omelets, drinking sips of coffee in between threading needles for small felt toys.  But I also enjoy sneaking away to enjoy an adult celebration on my own in a café with big windows and small minty, lavender sparkling drinks.

The Self Entertained Kids

 

There is a new phenomenon in modern parenting. The concept that waiting around doing nothing is irrelevant and being self-entertained can only be achieved if one is playing on a screen. Sometimes I think I just hopped on the technology band wagon later than others. But when I look around a restaurant and almost every child is on a screen of some sort, even the babies, I see it as a transformation of the way our culture spends time.

I am not against technology. I use it frequently for entertainment, to promote my business, to stay in touch with long distance friends, and even to make art. The thing I have issue with is when and where to put the technology down. Most people think of their smart phones as an extension of their body. No longer do people ask each other for the time, when a bus is coming or, what the weather is doing. Why would you when you have your own personal computer with all your questions answerable at your fingertips?  It makes for a quiet in public space that can feel isolating, insular and non-adaptable. 

I recently went on a camping trip with a few other families. These families have prioritized low amounts of screen time for their kids. They believe in having experiences and being outside, and that one can be self-entertained without screens. The children we camped with ranged in age from 20 months (my little pickle) to 15 years old. There were 10 of them total. These kids were some of the coolest I have hung out with in awhile. Its not like they were spending all their time hanging with us adults; they immediately formed their own pack and had adventures galore. The entertainment was a little rowboat on a shallow creek, a beach of rocks, sticks, pools of water in-between boulders and the fun of a tent full of sleeping bags and camp paraphernalia

We made a fire and roasted different foods on it, we told stories at night and watched the stars. It was dreamy. When they weren’t all playing together in a pack I saw the older kids reading on a camp chair and fishing. One afternoon Little Pickle took a stick and poked it in holes where some bugs were nesting. She was at this for a full half hour while I got some writing done near by. At one point they set up a balance beam with two ropes strung between two trees, and all afternoon the kids took turns walking across. Two pieces of rope was all they needed to have a blast.

Witnessing children of a wide range of ages being self entertained with almost nothing was a revelation for me. I often see very young children able to be happy with just about anything, though it seems that at some point as they get older the technology becomes more enticing and their ability to be satisfied with simple tools stops working. We have all seen the kids who become a complete mess without their Ipad or a movie playing at all times. I have also witnessed the adult who completely freaks out when they can’t find their phone or the battery dies. I have regularly seen adults on Facebook during church services.

After our sweet weekend in the woods we went home and decided to treat ourselves to lunch at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. We don’t eat out a lot so we were all excited. Our table was chatty, usually Sweetpea has some great question we all get to ponder. Little Pickle was hungry, so she was able to sit still for a longer period and enjoy her food. We were all glowing from our long weekend outside. I peered at the booth behind ours, a family of four with two young children was sitting there, and all of them had screens. The baby had an Ipad propped up and was watching a show while he ate, the 3 year old also had an Ipad he looked like he was playing a game on, both parents had out their phones. The table was mostly silent as they all sat together having lunch out completely immersed in their screens.

I know I do not have the whole story, I have no idea what these kids are like and I certainly know how hard it is to be a parent and need a break. But this seems extreme to me. What kind of example are we setting when no one talks to each other and even the very young and impressionable are connecting with virtual reality instead of the people around them? I mostly felt sad for what they were missing. The chance to have family discussion, get to know each other more, engage with the people you chose to create your life with. At another table a 6 month old was being entertained on a phone while the parents ate. Is this the new normal? Remember when there used to be no cell phone signs at restaurants?  

I am calling for a reversal of the current trend. I want to see bored kids, kids that are bored enough to get creative and create really cool stuff from their boredom. I want to see more reading with actually books. I want to see adults and children engaged with the outside world not tinkering away on smart phones obsessing over the latest horrific news story. I want to see more random conversations with people around you, awkward dialogues about the weather, what is happening in your neighborhoods and how to make things better where you are, right here, in the present.

How do you get your child to be self-entertained you may ask? Well, it’s a belief to start out with, a belief that your child will figure it out. That it doesn’t have to be a screen to entertain you and them, that there is a vast imagination waiting to be tapped and a wealth of engagement in the everyday. It is also about setting an example. Choosing to not always turn to your phone for info, kinship and boredom. This is a hard one for me too. I am still learning.

On road trips Sweetpea does what she has always done since we started taking her on epic road trips, she stares out the window. She has an assortment of small toys, some snacks, and a sketchbook. Our big splurge is a sticker book; this keeps her entertained for literally hours. At restaurants we talk to her, and if we want adult dialogue we pass her an activity book and she doodles on it. It can really be that simple. If she wants screen time at home she typically has to do a set of chores and wait till her sister is napping. The only exception is when she is sick then she gets to watch a bunch of television. I really encourage all parents to get away from the screens, you and your children don’t need them, you will be happier with less screen time. Lets get back to the rhythm of a less virtual age.