The Self Entertained Kids

 

There is a new phenomenon in modern parenting. The concept that waiting around doing nothing is irrelevant and being self-entertained can only be achieved if one is playing on a screen. Sometimes I think I just hopped on the technology band wagon later than others. But when I look around a restaurant and almost every child is on a screen of some sort, even the babies, I see it as a transformation of the way our culture spends time.

I am not against technology. I use it frequently for entertainment, to promote my business, to stay in touch with long distance friends, and even to make art. The thing I have issue with is when and where to put the technology down. Most people think of their smart phones as an extension of their body. No longer do people ask each other for the time, when a bus is coming or, what the weather is doing. Why would you when you have your own personal computer with all your questions answerable at your fingertips?  It makes for a quiet in public space that can feel isolating, insular and non-adaptable. 

I recently went on a camping trip with a few other families. These families have prioritized low amounts of screen time for their kids. They believe in having experiences and being outside, and that one can be self-entertained without screens. The children we camped with ranged in age from 20 months (my little pickle) to 15 years old. There were 10 of them total. These kids were some of the coolest I have hung out with in awhile. Its not like they were spending all their time hanging with us adults; they immediately formed their own pack and had adventures galore. The entertainment was a little rowboat on a shallow creek, a beach of rocks, sticks, pools of water in-between boulders and the fun of a tent full of sleeping bags and camp paraphernalia

We made a fire and roasted different foods on it, we told stories at night and watched the stars. It was dreamy. When they weren’t all playing together in a pack I saw the older kids reading on a camp chair and fishing. One afternoon Little Pickle took a stick and poked it in holes where some bugs were nesting. She was at this for a full half hour while I got some writing done near by. At one point they set up a balance beam with two ropes strung between two trees, and all afternoon the kids took turns walking across. Two pieces of rope was all they needed to have a blast.

Witnessing children of a wide range of ages being self entertained with almost nothing was a revelation for me. I often see very young children able to be happy with just about anything, though it seems that at some point as they get older the technology becomes more enticing and their ability to be satisfied with simple tools stops working. We have all seen the kids who become a complete mess without their Ipad or a movie playing at all times. I have also witnessed the adult who completely freaks out when they can’t find their phone or the battery dies. I have regularly seen adults on Facebook during church services.

After our sweet weekend in the woods we went home and decided to treat ourselves to lunch at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. We don’t eat out a lot so we were all excited. Our table was chatty, usually Sweetpea has some great question we all get to ponder. Little Pickle was hungry, so she was able to sit still for a longer period and enjoy her food. We were all glowing from our long weekend outside. I peered at the booth behind ours, a family of four with two young children was sitting there, and all of them had screens. The baby had an Ipad propped up and was watching a show while he ate, the 3 year old also had an Ipad he looked like he was playing a game on, both parents had out their phones. The table was mostly silent as they all sat together having lunch out completely immersed in their screens.

I know I do not have the whole story, I have no idea what these kids are like and I certainly know how hard it is to be a parent and need a break. But this seems extreme to me. What kind of example are we setting when no one talks to each other and even the very young and impressionable are connecting with virtual reality instead of the people around them? I mostly felt sad for what they were missing. The chance to have family discussion, get to know each other more, engage with the people you chose to create your life with. At another table a 6 month old was being entertained on a phone while the parents ate. Is this the new normal? Remember when there used to be no cell phone signs at restaurants?  

I am calling for a reversal of the current trend. I want to see bored kids, kids that are bored enough to get creative and create really cool stuff from their boredom. I want to see more reading with actually books. I want to see adults and children engaged with the outside world not tinkering away on smart phones obsessing over the latest horrific news story. I want to see more random conversations with people around you, awkward dialogues about the weather, what is happening in your neighborhoods and how to make things better where you are, right here, in the present.

How do you get your child to be self-entertained you may ask? Well, it’s a belief to start out with, a belief that your child will figure it out. That it doesn’t have to be a screen to entertain you and them, that there is a vast imagination waiting to be tapped and a wealth of engagement in the everyday. It is also about setting an example. Choosing to not always turn to your phone for info, kinship and boredom. This is a hard one for me too. I am still learning.

On road trips Sweetpea does what she has always done since we started taking her on epic road trips, she stares out the window. She has an assortment of small toys, some snacks, and a sketchbook. Our big splurge is a sticker book; this keeps her entertained for literally hours. At restaurants we talk to her, and if we want adult dialogue we pass her an activity book and she doodles on it. It can really be that simple. If she wants screen time at home she typically has to do a set of chores and wait till her sister is napping. The only exception is when she is sick then she gets to watch a bunch of television. I really encourage all parents to get away from the screens, you and your children don’t need them, you will be happier with less screen time. Lets get back to the rhythm of a less virtual age. 

The Do-able Camping Trip: Tips on Camping with Little People

I always imagined we would be a camping family. Being outdoorsy and loving adventure the way I do, I saw camping as my family’s way of bonding and having a cheap alternative for vacation. While all this is true, it took us awhile to make it happen. I often run into the stumbling block of having a partner that does not feel the same way about prioritizing adventure, so it’s all on me to make these jaunts into the wild happen. Finally, last winter I set the intention that we would go camping Memorial day weekend and by gun, we did!

This trip went smoothly and it was fun.  Our camping trip included nostalgic experiences from my childhood, and a sense of awe for the beauty of late spring. We also stayed mostly in our budget! The trip included two adults, our 5 1/2 year old and an 11 month old. This trip went so well I am now on a mission to encourage more parents to take their young children camping. Most people I know think it’s a good idea to go camping but rarely get to make it happen. It can be daunting, what will we do all day? What if the kids can't sleep? What if terrible weather hits the campsite? I will lay out for you how to make camping with young children go well. I know you all can do it too!

 1. Keep the location simple. Families with young children need lots of uncomplicated time in nature to relax and discover the world around them. You don't have to go far from a city to find this. We asked friends for recommendations, checked out websites and looked at a book about camping in Oklahoma. I chose a site that was 1 hour from our home. The place had bathhouses, water pumps, a pool, a play ground, tent camping away from the RV's, and some nice, easy to manage trails. The location was ideal, far enough so that we felt we were having an adventure but close enough so we could come home quickly if we needed to. It was also in the country but close to a town where we could easily get amenities and play if we wanted to.


 2. Warm your kids up to the idea of camping ahead of time, and test all your gear beforehand.  I have talked up camping to Sweetpea for a while but since we have never gone she didn't really know what it would be like. A few days before the trip we set up our tent in the living room. She helped me put it together. We played in the tent most of the day and imagined what it would be like to be outside under the stars. I told her stories from my childhood camping and stories from when I got my own tent in my 20s and backpacked across Europe with it. As we went to put "Minerva" away one of the zippers broke. I was so sad to see my tent broken and knew we could not fix her before we left. When I told the news to daddy he said it was time to get a new tent. A big one our whole family could be in together. This is where we went over budget, but now we are the owners of a big, cushy tent we will be able to play with for years to come. 

3. Have a good mix of activities but don't pack too much into a day. With little ones its good to have two major parts to the day, but keep it to that. They mostly want to be in the rhythm they are at home only in this new, fun context. The day we did push it by renting a canoe for the evening lead to two whining and crying kids. Luckily near the end of the ride they both fell asleep and daddy and I got to have the awe filled experience of canoeing around in the evening. That said, we vowed to axe it next time.

4. Make your trip mostly tech free and plug into nature. Daddy definitely was checking his smart phone some by the campfire at night, but mostly we tried to leave the technology at home. I didn’t realize it was bothering me that he was on his phone till I saw him do it. To get him away from the screen I would just suggest we go for a walk to the look out and watch the stars. We also played cards by candlelight one evening. This opened time to using our senses and seeing more clearly what was around us. We took in the smell of the cook fire, strange bird calls, and the dazzle of late spring wild flowers. Our lives are often a buzz with technology, camping is a great chance to take a brain break from our phones and busy lives at home.

5. Keep the bar low for what your kids can do outdoors and they might surprise you. We took Sweatpea on mini hikes though out the campsite. We did not expect her to hike for hours in the heat; we just took her on the easiest trail and turned around whenever she was ready. Since she was leading, we ended up stopping a lot but that was good. She owned the hike and gave us a chance to take more pictures of wild flowers. When she would say she wanted to turn around sometimes I would push her and say maybe a little more? What’s beyond that bend? That sometimes worked and sometimes did not, either way we were building a relationship with nature and the more she got to decide how long she wanted to be away from camp, the more excited she was to go for a hike.

6. Always pack water, granola bars and Band-Aids before setting off anywhere. The first hike we went on was just to explore the camp ground. Sweatpea fell and scraped her knee halfway down a hill. She was super upset so I said I would go back to the campsite to get her a Band-Aid. While there I grabbed a few water bottles and granola bars. The band aid made her feel better and later on when we got a little lost following a deer path, the water made all the difference in us being able to happily finish our hike. Moral of the story, even for the shortest time out, make sure you have these things.

7. Don't let the threat of rain stop you. I think one of the major things that keep people away from camping is the fear of bad weather. I am here to tell you can even have fun camping while it is raining. If you prepare and have a good waterproof tent you can cozy a rainy afternoon away in your tent. Or, grab your boots and find puddles to splash in. Examine what the forest looks like before, during and after the rain. It is not a lot of fun cooking in the rain with no campfires, but the water can bring on other fun like playing with mud and telling stories about the rain. If you pick a campsite near a town you can even order pizza to go and eat it in your tent. Or go out for the meal and come back to your cozy tent that evening for playing cards and reading books. You can sleep with the peaceful sounds of raindrops. Rain also tends to clear out less intrepid campers so campsites are quieter. You feel like a real outdoors person after braving a few days outside in the rain. Also, nothing can beat the smell of trees and plants after rain.

8. Take advantage of all the things the park has to offer. The first thing I did after signing us in was look at all the brochures in the park’s office. I went over the map with the ranger and found out about all the cool things happening that weekend. We used the pool and the canoes. I bought a glow in the dark constellation bandana, and I got a fun mini passport book for Sweatpea for free. This booklet had all the state parks in Oklahoma and activities to do in each park. Activities included checking out special sights in the park, fun yoga moves, and a scavenger hunt on the trails. We did them all and she got a stamp at the end of our stay. There are so many fun and inexpensive ways to connect to nature in a park, it only takes time to look up info and ask around.

The hardest thing about camping with a baby was feeding her. The picnic bench was too much fun for her and she kept trying to stand up and eat. Her standing made her fall a lot and get food everywhere. I was a mess after every meal trying to hold food in my hand and put it in her mouth. I highly recommend some kind of traveling high chair for the baby stage of camping.  I also found it hard that she was crawling around in the dirt and putting everything in her mouth. Though this was challenging I still think it was important for her to explore and get dirty. We just changed clothes a lot, fished for rocks and acorns in her mouth and when I could not take it anymore, played in the tent or just put her in her carrier.  


Remember that adventure for your family is as simple as all sleeping in the same room with only a layer of tent separating you from the outside. Eating outside and seeing the stars are huge benefits as well. There is no need to plan a lot of stuff to do; the adventure is found in living outdoors for a small span of time.

 

A Tale Of Dry Nights

No one told me going into this parenting thing that my daughter would still be struggling with having dry nights at 3 1/2 years old. We mastered dry days by 2 1/2. Dry nights have been a different story. On her 3rd birthday her dad and her decided there was no need for diapers at night. So we did it. We took the plunge and tried having her go without diapers completely, trusting she would let us know if she needed to go.

6 months later and I think now we are just getting the hang of it, knock on wood. This could be the biggest jinx post I have ever written. Sweetpea is consistently having every night dry for the past 3 weeks. We have tried everything. We have consulted all the parents we have known, we read all the books about it and talked to a doctor. Everyone told us this was normal. I wondered why I had never heard of it before. Years of being a nanny and I never noticed how long it took to get the night diapers out of the picture.

The thing is Sweetpea is a deep sleeper and we nursed to sleep when she was young. She really wants a drink before bed, after nursing we switched to a bottle of milk before bed, then water. She associated going to bed with drinking beverage.  I personally need to get up in the night if I consume tea before bed, I get it, your bladder can only hold so much. So she needed to go. At first it was only sometimes she would wet the bed, then it was every other night for months. It would seem like we were on an up curve, 2 weeks here and there then she would plummet back down to every two nights. Meanwhile I was doing a ton of laundry.

I had friends who said it was completely normal to have kids up to 5 years old in pull-ups. We were actually the only people in our friend circle who were even trying at 3 years old to take away night diapers. They all agreed they were too young at this age to be able to hold it all night long. It could be this was true. Though we had another friend I didn't see often who's son stopped having any accidents at 2 1/2. They just stopped putting diapers on him and he was done, end of story.

Daddy was fierce about sticking to our guns, rarely is he fierce about any parenting issue so I decided to side with him, as the laundry continued piling up. And I, being home more, was doing more of it I decided we needed a big change.

First we made a rule, no more liquid before bed. This was a struggle.  We got it down to two sips of water after she brushed teeth, which seemed to work as a compromise.

Second, I started a sticker chart. Just in case wetting the bed might be psychological I thought some incentive might help. Every dry night she got a sticker, two in a row she got a little plastic gem, 3 dry nights got a candy and 7 dry nights got a trip to Chuck E Cheese. I never thought of myself as a parent that might have this kind of reward system, but I was feeling desperate and if I have learned anything from parenting, you got to try all manner of ways of doing things and see which one works. She seemed to like all the rewards but it never added up to having dry nights on a consistent basis.

Lastly, we woke her up to pee a few hours after she goes to sleep. Friends had told us they woke there kid up in the middle of the night to pee, this seemed to daunting for us, so we stuck to 2 hours after she went to sleep, typically right before we went to bed. This worked for a while, and then it started being a struggle. If we didn't get her up right at 2 hours she would pee the bed, also she would fight us to get up and go, after tons of screaming and crying, plus 15 minutes to get her back down and calm, I could see that this strategy was not working.

This is when I decided to research the affects of reintroducing pull-up diapers after 6 months of none. Daddy really fought me on this, he was sure it would break her confidence and he felt she was just on her way to learning. He had more patience and less laundry doing then I. I found parenting forums all about this subject. I especially loved this one California moms list serv that had all kinds of opinions but seemed to all go with trust your gut and don't worry about harmful long term affects.

With all this research and strategy under my belt I just decided to go for it. We went to Target and grabbed a pair of 4t-5t pull-ups with flowers. I explained to Sweetpea these were only temporary, that would help her to remember to wake up and pee in the potty. She went along with it. Her dad was not happy but after my research was willing to try. And the thing is they worked!

Miracle of miracles, once she felt that squishy, diapery, plastic texture between her legs she was not happy. She didn't want to wear them. I set the rule that once she could go a full 3 days with them on and stay dry she did not need to wear them anymore. The next week we went on a trip. The struggle to put them on at night intensified, so after having her pee right before bed, I would put her to sleep. I would then sneak in an hour later and put a pull up on her. She was so deep asleep she did not wake up. Some magic made it so she did not pee the bed or the pull-up the whole 5-day trip.

When we got back home she reverted back a little and then started getting mad that she woke up with a pull up on. She told us not to put them on her at all. We listened, one night I just had her pee before bed. Then a few hours later I went to bed, no secret pull-ups, no waking her up to pee. When we woke up that morning she had a dry night! Going back to pull ups actually worked for us!

As I look back at all we did I am thinking, geez, parents are super heroes. We will do anything to make life run smoothly, we have to be always thinking, always strategizing, always being hopeful for a change of events. What a creative and intense job!

Now, 3 weeks later she has consistently had dry nights. Maybe our friends were right, maybe her body was finally old enough to wait it out through the night. I still go into her room and ask if she wants to try 2 hours after she goes to sleep. She always turns me down. We shall see what the next manifestation of this is. Now I know I am ready to take on the challenge.

How to be yourself be a mom and be a wife

I thought up this title the other day on a car ride to go pick up my daughter from pre-school. The reality of it is I am a novice at this and feel in the middle of a learning curve. In the short amount of years I have taken on these identities I have figured some stuff out I would like to share. I am writing this as much for myself to be a reminder of the important things as for you dear reader. I used the word wife because it makes me cringe every time so I feel it’s important to address that as well. All you other mothers/folks in life long partnerships if you have any thoughts around this topic please share in the comments. 

1. Communicate

Partners are not mind readers. Sometimes I wish they were. I find the second there is icky energy between daddy and I, if I address it, it goes away. No grudges, no hard feelings, just good solid truth telling. Sometimes this is really hard especially if it’s something vulnerable, which it often is, but if I get over that heart racing feeling and tell him what I really think, I always feel better. We both do.

2. Listen to your heart

My mind can go all over the place, rationalizing hurts, dwelling in feelings and minute details, trailing into uncertainty but if I listen to my mind through my heart I often know what’s best and follow the pumping organs advise. It might not always be the easiest answer but it is the most authentic and then I know I am being myself.

By Allison Paige

3. Have really close people in your life that are not your partner or kids

There is so much pressure to have your partner and family fulfill your every need for closeness. In most relationships these are the easiest folks to fall back on. I find that most folks I know need more then that. When you know you will get really good connection from a dear friend the pressure is off your partner to disappoint when they don't want to do the same things as you. When you have some folks to hang with that are not your family life seems bigger and having the option to miss your loved ones and look forward to coming back to there loving embraces is a good sensation as opposed to always having to be there.

4. Hold onto dreams no matter how impossible they seem. 

This is really important in maintaining the being your self part of being in a family. My dreams don't have the instant gratification they used to have in my early 20s. My dreams require timelines and negotiation; they require compromise and fitting into windows of time that never quiet feel like enough. But they are still my dreams and live vividly in my head. My partner gives me the focus of time and how long I have to achieve all that I want, so I keep the long range plan in mind and find ways to fulfill some of my dreams while being in the present. Keeping my dreams alive in my head helps be remember I still have all that beautiful, creative energy in me and one day I will do it all.

 5. Let go of the little things and remember the bigger picture every day

All the little S#*@t that bugs me each day has got to go. Some of it is worth communicating and following my heart about but if I let the mounds of little irritating things pile up it ruins my outlook and keeps me away from being my authentic self. We all have habits that piss each other off. Lets live with the feelings, then kick them out and move on. Some days this is easier then others so I try to wipe the slate clean at night, I sleep better because of this.

6. Have practices and rituals that are just yours that you attend to every week. 

Often if the ritual involves exercise I get the added bonus of feeling all the endorphins from movement. Even if this means spending 5 min. reading a paragraph from a book I love it really makes all the difference. It is all about checking in with myself, setting it up that my needs are just as important as the folks I care for and cohabitant with.

By Lotte Laserstein

7. Find a way to laugh and or feel delight every day/week.

This might just happen spontaneously, it does in my life and it’s easy to not notice it when I feel down. If I make an intention of feeling delight and laughter I seek out the experiences that bring it. This often involves noticing cool things about Sweetpea, playing silly games, singing, being outdoors, watching funny movies, planning out an adventure.

8. Have a freakin' date with your partner where you don't talk about parenting, finances, the future or any topic other then the pure delight of the present or sharing happy stories from the past.

Daddy and I have had dates where we end up in a tailspin about the future or we spend so much time talking about Sweetpea we don't feel like we left her at all. I have had to be intentional in this area. Thinking about what I can talk about that will just inspire us, save the heavy conversations for specified times not date night. Sweetpea can be a source of delight to talk about but sometimes its good to just leave behind the parenting role for a few hours and just focus on each other not as parents.

9. Kiss and hug your children and partner often, look for ways to cuddle and be physically close when you are together. Being close melts away the bad feelings, being close is one of the most human things we can do, it builds intimacy, reminds me why I chose to live in a partnership and brings a sense of wholeness to the grand scheme of life. Being close always brings smiles to my face and the faces of my loved ones.

10. Recognize the inequality inherent in relationships, roles and being a part of a family but don't dwell there, seek ways to change these things and also come to places of peace with the good, the bad and the serendipitous parts of choosing this life.

Toddler Tantrum

--> We are in the midst of a painfully hard growth period. Sweet pea is asserting her power and will and her just as stubborn mom is not cowing to all her desires. It is exhausting to have power struggle after power struggle. The inner voice says there must be some amazing life changing advise. If I was just doing this method or that she would listen better, I would have the upper hand, parenting a 2 1/2 year old would be easy and delightful. Instead I am fraught with anxiety about what’s around the next bend, what hump are we crossing now, how to get us both out of deep water without drowning.

Her daddy's approach is to avoid power struggle. He coaches me on distraction techniques, offering choices, giving her as much say in the thing without doing all of it. Example, letting her hold the candy that she wants to eat instead of just giving it to her so she has control of it but does not eat it. His method does seem to work some but doesn't always sit well with me. It goes along with giving her a lot more sugar and watching tv then I would like. It also looks like avoiding and distracting away the feelings that I know will bubble up no matter what we do.


I consulted friends and family via facebook about it one morning. I got a lot of good tips including foot massage after a tantrum to ground us both, following a stricter schedule so she knows what to expect, offering her choices and new objects to fiddle with as we go through a transition. Also just setting the party line and dealing with the volcanic eruptions of having a boundary placed on her. They were all good ideas and I will probably use a mix match of those ideas when confronting tantrums but it all seems to come down to what will uniquely work for my kiddo.


I have had to face my own feelings when she tantrums. Embarrassment: Luckily I have let go of a lot of feelings of embarrassment but still some linger when she throws an on the floor fit in the grocery store. Jealousy: My kid can wail, and damn, it feels good to wail. To show how freakin' hard it feels. Why does she get to take up that much space and I don't? I am not saying I want to throw a fit in the middle of the grocery store but at the end of a particularly hard work day I have been known to roll down the windows, blast the music and scream while driving to pick her up from pre school. I think she gets it honest. Fear/Sadness: Seeing my baby struggle like that is hard, it brings up fears that I am raising her wrong. Why did I decide to bring another life into this heavy harsh world? What values am I sending her when I lose it while she is losing it? How can I teach her empathy? That not just her desires matter? 


Facing all of this is difficult and complex and I am still figuring out how to work out these emotions in a healthy way and separate them from when she is having her big feelings. Still sometimes we both end up on the side of the road crying as I explain to her through sobs she can't scream the entire time while mommy is driving.


For now what I have figured out for my dear sweetpea is a lot of one on one and family time, this seems to lesson the desire to act out for attentions sake. Also when going to an overwhelming place like the grocery store letting her fill the cart with what she wants then at check out separate out the stuff and tell the cashier we don't need those things. It’s an extra step for the awesome grocery store employees but seems to make all the difference. Hopefully this will be a temporary need. I also let her pick out varieties of things for us like fruit and veggies. Getting a lot of emotional support and making sure I am getting down time and alone time. I am always ready to take on her big feelings after a good sleep or artist date by myself. We also do a lot of talking out the situation and offering something exciting at the end. Like explaining if she puts her shoes on now we can then skip over to the big tree and climb it together. 

The thing I am the most proud of is we always talk about it after the tempers have settled. Even when I lose my cool and shove her into the car seat, or pull the thing out of her hand without coaxing it away, Sweetpea has an emotional language. We talk out how she was feeling and how I was feeling. We can identify the emotions together and hug afterword. This kind of intimacy and communication makes me believe we can make it through any hardship together.

The Politics of Domesticity

 
Being a stay at home parent is political. We do all the work that keeps a family unit functioning and don't see a dime for all the effort that takes. We hold the emotional and physical stability of a house and a child. The role of a stay at home mom specifically is wrought with sexism and feelings of inadequacy. I recently heard another stay at home mom talk about how she said to her husband, "I want to feel like I am contributing to society. I don't get paid to do housework and take care of our kids." He replied, "honey you get paid in makeovers and pedicures." This is one extreme example of sexism but there are plenty of micro aggressions that happen in the political nature of the stay at home mom.

My child is freshly 2. The "plan" was to have the baby and have me go back to work when she was 6 months old and our money ran out. When I graduated from college and had Sweetpea we were and still are in the middle of a huge economic downturn. The amount of jobs and the amount of people wanting them is way out of whack. When Sweetpea turned 6 months we moved to Austin. We thought Austin would be an easier place to get jobs, turns out being an artist in a very creative and young town makes the competition fierce for anything art related. Daddy was able to get employed quickly with the city in his field, health, education, and advocacy. I on the other hand have been struggling to find good work for a year and half, experiencing multiple interviews and letdowns. This is not just the economy, I am not willing to settle for whatever job and pay the high fees of childcare to be able to do it. It has put stress on our family and depleted any idea that we had about not going into debt. It has also been a great success in making do and being there to experience what really matters.  

Then there is classism. Stay at home moms are looking for community with other parents who are choosing to be full time with their young people. What is one of many things that gets in our way of being connected? The big C of classism. I came into the role of being a stay at home parent because of necessity. Some moms plan it all out and choose that they will be the stay at home parent. The folks that choose this I notice seem to have a good financial cushion. These mostly middle and upper class moms who have personal trainers after giving birth to get there body back. They have their own car to take the little one places, they always have money for museum admissions, date nights with their partners, hired babysitters and infant music classes. I am sure these stay at home moms also battle with the same inner demons of inadequacy, isolation and the stress of holding together the family unit.  It seems that our society at this point largely holds this kind of mom to be what is expected if you are a stay at home mom. I know this is not always the case, just my experience as a nanny and now working class mom.


I see all stay at home parents struggling with this. The stay at home dads I hang out with don't have the added bonus of sexism to deal with but definitely get hurt around their manhood for choosing to be domestic and be with their kids full time. The pressure of keeping the working people in the house happy and getting some time to yourself once in a blue moon is something all stay at home parents have to deal with.

I like that I am getting the chance to be with Sweetpea this much, I like that she sees me prioritize her and gets to learn from my wisdom. I like watching her grow and being there for the big happenings in her development. I wish that it were easier. I wish I had more of a support network, that I didn't feel obligated to do a huge share of the housework because I am home the most. That doing house work didn't feel so degrading because there are centuries of women behind me scrubbing the kitchen floor, attending to their young people and worrying about how to make ends meet.

I start a substitute-teaching job next week. I will be teaching art in after school programs with a really awesome organization called “Creative Action.” I do not know how we will be able to get the childcare we need yet but I am rolling with it and believing the right answers will show up.  This job is a crack in the door of arts education, a field I want to break into. I am excited to see what opportunities come up after I start. I hope to hit a balance with my stay at home mom status by bringing in some much needed extra cash and giving myself a break. I am still figuring out what is fair and how I want house work to go in my home. I will keep you posted. What have you figured out?