The Self Entertained Kids

 

There is a new phenomenon in modern parenting. The concept that waiting around doing nothing is irrelevant and being self-entertained can only be achieved if one is playing on a screen. Sometimes I think I just hopped on the technology band wagon later than others. But when I look around a restaurant and almost every child is on a screen of some sort, even the babies, I see it as a transformation of the way our culture spends time.

I am not against technology. I use it frequently for entertainment, to promote my business, to stay in touch with long distance friends, and even to make art. The thing I have issue with is when and where to put the technology down. Most people think of their smart phones as an extension of their body. No longer do people ask each other for the time, when a bus is coming or, what the weather is doing. Why would you when you have your own personal computer with all your questions answerable at your fingertips?  It makes for a quiet in public space that can feel isolating, insular and non-adaptable. 

I recently went on a camping trip with a few other families. These families have prioritized low amounts of screen time for their kids. They believe in having experiences and being outside, and that one can be self-entertained without screens. The children we camped with ranged in age from 20 months (my little pickle) to 15 years old. There were 10 of them total. These kids were some of the coolest I have hung out with in awhile. Its not like they were spending all their time hanging with us adults; they immediately formed their own pack and had adventures galore. The entertainment was a little rowboat on a shallow creek, a beach of rocks, sticks, pools of water in-between boulders and the fun of a tent full of sleeping bags and camp paraphernalia

We made a fire and roasted different foods on it, we told stories at night and watched the stars. It was dreamy. When they weren’t all playing together in a pack I saw the older kids reading on a camp chair and fishing. One afternoon Little Pickle took a stick and poked it in holes where some bugs were nesting. She was at this for a full half hour while I got some writing done near by. At one point they set up a balance beam with two ropes strung between two trees, and all afternoon the kids took turns walking across. Two pieces of rope was all they needed to have a blast.

Witnessing children of a wide range of ages being self entertained with almost nothing was a revelation for me. I often see very young children able to be happy with just about anything, though it seems that at some point as they get older the technology becomes more enticing and their ability to be satisfied with simple tools stops working. We have all seen the kids who become a complete mess without their Ipad or a movie playing at all times. I have also witnessed the adult who completely freaks out when they can’t find their phone or the battery dies. I have regularly seen adults on Facebook during church services.

After our sweet weekend in the woods we went home and decided to treat ourselves to lunch at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. We don’t eat out a lot so we were all excited. Our table was chatty, usually Sweetpea has some great question we all get to ponder. Little Pickle was hungry, so she was able to sit still for a longer period and enjoy her food. We were all glowing from our long weekend outside. I peered at the booth behind ours, a family of four with two young children was sitting there, and all of them had screens. The baby had an Ipad propped up and was watching a show while he ate, the 3 year old also had an Ipad he looked like he was playing a game on, both parents had out their phones. The table was mostly silent as they all sat together having lunch out completely immersed in their screens.

I know I do not have the whole story, I have no idea what these kids are like and I certainly know how hard it is to be a parent and need a break. But this seems extreme to me. What kind of example are we setting when no one talks to each other and even the very young and impressionable are connecting with virtual reality instead of the people around them? I mostly felt sad for what they were missing. The chance to have family discussion, get to know each other more, engage with the people you chose to create your life with. At another table a 6 month old was being entertained on a phone while the parents ate. Is this the new normal? Remember when there used to be no cell phone signs at restaurants?  

I am calling for a reversal of the current trend. I want to see bored kids, kids that are bored enough to get creative and create really cool stuff from their boredom. I want to see more reading with actually books. I want to see adults and children engaged with the outside world not tinkering away on smart phones obsessing over the latest horrific news story. I want to see more random conversations with people around you, awkward dialogues about the weather, what is happening in your neighborhoods and how to make things better where you are, right here, in the present.

How do you get your child to be self-entertained you may ask? Well, it’s a belief to start out with, a belief that your child will figure it out. That it doesn’t have to be a screen to entertain you and them, that there is a vast imagination waiting to be tapped and a wealth of engagement in the everyday. It is also about setting an example. Choosing to not always turn to your phone for info, kinship and boredom. This is a hard one for me too. I am still learning.

On road trips Sweetpea does what she has always done since we started taking her on epic road trips, she stares out the window. She has an assortment of small toys, some snacks, and a sketchbook. Our big splurge is a sticker book; this keeps her entertained for literally hours. At restaurants we talk to her, and if we want adult dialogue we pass her an activity book and she doodles on it. It can really be that simple. If she wants screen time at home she typically has to do a set of chores and wait till her sister is napping. The only exception is when she is sick then she gets to watch a bunch of television. I really encourage all parents to get away from the screens, you and your children don’t need them, you will be happier with less screen time. Lets get back to the rhythm of a less virtual age. 

The Do-able Camping Trip: Tips on Camping with Little People

I always imagined we would be a camping family. Being outdoorsy and loving adventure the way I do, I saw camping as my family’s way of bonding and having a cheap alternative for vacation. While all this is true, it took us awhile to make it happen. I often run into the stumbling block of having a partner that does not feel the same way about prioritizing adventure, so it’s all on me to make these jaunts into the wild happen. Finally, last winter I set the intention that we would go camping Memorial day weekend and by gun, we did!

This trip went smoothly and it was fun.  Our camping trip included nostalgic experiences from my childhood, and a sense of awe for the beauty of late spring. We also stayed mostly in our budget! The trip included two adults, our 5 1/2 year old and an 11 month old. This trip went so well I am now on a mission to encourage more parents to take their young children camping. Most people I know think it’s a good idea to go camping but rarely get to make it happen. It can be daunting, what will we do all day? What if the kids can't sleep? What if terrible weather hits the campsite? I will lay out for you how to make camping with young children go well. I know you all can do it too!

 1. Keep the location simple. Families with young children need lots of uncomplicated time in nature to relax and discover the world around them. You don't have to go far from a city to find this. We asked friends for recommendations, checked out websites and looked at a book about camping in Oklahoma. I chose a site that was 1 hour from our home. The place had bathhouses, water pumps, a pool, a play ground, tent camping away from the RV's, and some nice, easy to manage trails. The location was ideal, far enough so that we felt we were having an adventure but close enough so we could come home quickly if we needed to. It was also in the country but close to a town where we could easily get amenities and play if we wanted to.


 2. Warm your kids up to the idea of camping ahead of time, and test all your gear beforehand.  I have talked up camping to Sweetpea for a while but since we have never gone she didn't really know what it would be like. A few days before the trip we set up our tent in the living room. She helped me put it together. We played in the tent most of the day and imagined what it would be like to be outside under the stars. I told her stories from my childhood camping and stories from when I got my own tent in my 20s and backpacked across Europe with it. As we went to put "Minerva" away one of the zippers broke. I was so sad to see my tent broken and knew we could not fix her before we left. When I told the news to daddy he said it was time to get a new tent. A big one our whole family could be in together. This is where we went over budget, but now we are the owners of a big, cushy tent we will be able to play with for years to come. 

3. Have a good mix of activities but don't pack too much into a day. With little ones its good to have two major parts to the day, but keep it to that. They mostly want to be in the rhythm they are at home only in this new, fun context. The day we did push it by renting a canoe for the evening lead to two whining and crying kids. Luckily near the end of the ride they both fell asleep and daddy and I got to have the awe filled experience of canoeing around in the evening. That said, we vowed to axe it next time.

4. Make your trip mostly tech free and plug into nature. Daddy definitely was checking his smart phone some by the campfire at night, but mostly we tried to leave the technology at home. I didn’t realize it was bothering me that he was on his phone till I saw him do it. To get him away from the screen I would just suggest we go for a walk to the look out and watch the stars. We also played cards by candlelight one evening. This opened time to using our senses and seeing more clearly what was around us. We took in the smell of the cook fire, strange bird calls, and the dazzle of late spring wild flowers. Our lives are often a buzz with technology, camping is a great chance to take a brain break from our phones and busy lives at home.

5. Keep the bar low for what your kids can do outdoors and they might surprise you. We took Sweatpea on mini hikes though out the campsite. We did not expect her to hike for hours in the heat; we just took her on the easiest trail and turned around whenever she was ready. Since she was leading, we ended up stopping a lot but that was good. She owned the hike and gave us a chance to take more pictures of wild flowers. When she would say she wanted to turn around sometimes I would push her and say maybe a little more? What’s beyond that bend? That sometimes worked and sometimes did not, either way we were building a relationship with nature and the more she got to decide how long she wanted to be away from camp, the more excited she was to go for a hike.

6. Always pack water, granola bars and Band-Aids before setting off anywhere. The first hike we went on was just to explore the camp ground. Sweatpea fell and scraped her knee halfway down a hill. She was super upset so I said I would go back to the campsite to get her a Band-Aid. While there I grabbed a few water bottles and granola bars. The band aid made her feel better and later on when we got a little lost following a deer path, the water made all the difference in us being able to happily finish our hike. Moral of the story, even for the shortest time out, make sure you have these things.

7. Don't let the threat of rain stop you. I think one of the major things that keep people away from camping is the fear of bad weather. I am here to tell you can even have fun camping while it is raining. If you prepare and have a good waterproof tent you can cozy a rainy afternoon away in your tent. Or, grab your boots and find puddles to splash in. Examine what the forest looks like before, during and after the rain. It is not a lot of fun cooking in the rain with no campfires, but the water can bring on other fun like playing with mud and telling stories about the rain. If you pick a campsite near a town you can even order pizza to go and eat it in your tent. Or go out for the meal and come back to your cozy tent that evening for playing cards and reading books. You can sleep with the peaceful sounds of raindrops. Rain also tends to clear out less intrepid campers so campsites are quieter. You feel like a real outdoors person after braving a few days outside in the rain. Also, nothing can beat the smell of trees and plants after rain.

8. Take advantage of all the things the park has to offer. The first thing I did after signing us in was look at all the brochures in the park’s office. I went over the map with the ranger and found out about all the cool things happening that weekend. We used the pool and the canoes. I bought a glow in the dark constellation bandana, and I got a fun mini passport book for Sweatpea for free. This booklet had all the state parks in Oklahoma and activities to do in each park. Activities included checking out special sights in the park, fun yoga moves, and a scavenger hunt on the trails. We did them all and she got a stamp at the end of our stay. There are so many fun and inexpensive ways to connect to nature in a park, it only takes time to look up info and ask around.

The hardest thing about camping with a baby was feeding her. The picnic bench was too much fun for her and she kept trying to stand up and eat. Her standing made her fall a lot and get food everywhere. I was a mess after every meal trying to hold food in my hand and put it in her mouth. I highly recommend some kind of traveling high chair for the baby stage of camping.  I also found it hard that she was crawling around in the dirt and putting everything in her mouth. Though this was challenging I still think it was important for her to explore and get dirty. We just changed clothes a lot, fished for rocks and acorns in her mouth and when I could not take it anymore, played in the tent or just put her in her carrier.  


Remember that adventure for your family is as simple as all sleeping in the same room with only a layer of tent separating you from the outside. Eating outside and seeing the stars are huge benefits as well. There is no need to plan a lot of stuff to do; the adventure is found in living outdoors for a small span of time.