The Burning Hot Nanas

There is a "gentleman’s club" my daughter and I pass on the way to her Pre-K. It is a place right in the middle of a busy, family oriented neighborhood strip. Her dance school is a few blocks down, its surrounded by a vet office, plant nursery, restaurant and violin shop. I don't know how the club came to be there but there it is, right in our faces as we drive from point A to point B. I find the place sleazy & do my best to ignore it.

One day my very observant Pre-K kid asked me about the place. "Mama, why is there a picture of burning hot nanas on that building?" (nanas is a friendly term for breasts we used when she was breast feeding, pronounced nah-nahs.) The strip club has its name emblazoned on a red sign with women's nude torsos engulfed in flames. This is it, that horrible moment where I have to decide how to explain to my daughter the exploitation of women in our culture. I rack my brain for the most simplified response I can imagine. "Well, honey, the person that owns that business put up that sign. What do you think of that sign?" a pause from the back seat, "I don't like it." Neither do I honey." Another pause, then she says, "We should tell them to take it down. " I said “yes that is a great idea."

After our talk I was motivated and ready to put pen to paper and give this business a piece of my mind! But by the time we got home a million other thoughts had swept through my head and we were onto the next thing. We pass by this place a few times a week. Since  the initial conversation Sweetpea sometimes notices the nanas and sometimes does not.  When she does notice she says. "I don't like that sign, let’s tell them to take it down." I have told her to not look if it bothers her. I have told her yes it bothers me too and I agree we should ask to have it taken down. Finally after many excuses I told her we will write to them she just needs to remind me when we are home and by paper and pen.


I started to get a daily reminder, "Remember mama to write to the place with the burning hot nana sign." This reminder comes to me in the same vein as " Remember to take out the garbage." I tuck her into bed and she reminds me to write the place with the burning hot nana sign. I am fixing her snack and she reminds me again. Its incredible how something so intense and confusing as talking about sexual exploitation of women has become such a run of the mill conversation in my home.

One night I finally set the wheels in motion and started the letter. I am tired of feeling worn down by offensive media. I am tired of accepting the BS that says this world is just crappy and we can't do anything about it.  Even if they don't take down the sign I know it’s important to write the letter. It’s important because I want to show my daughter that we can try to make change. She needs to know that we can state our opinions no matter what. Also, that stating her opinion makes things better. In my ideal world there would not even be a strip club my daughter and I would have to interact with. Confronting the burning hot nanas is giving us a chance to say what we want in our community with our voices. This is a powerful step against sexism and towards empowerment even if the nanas continue to burn.

Foot note: To all women/mothers working in the biz and ex-sex workers this is not about what you do. We all have to make money and for some this is the most reliable option. I salute you in your efforts to pay bills and raise families as a female in this society. We are all in this together.

   

  

Tales of The Part Time Working Mom

This seems like the ideal set up. In a lot of ways it is. Part time working moms get the best of both worlds. We get a fist full of life outside the home and a baby and kid to coo over all afternoon when work is finished. We can wipe clean our workday and see our kids with fresh eyes and perspective as they enter into the wider world beyond our home cocoon. 

More income is coming into the household, not a lot of income in my case but something to help with the daily round. My kids get to see me more then they would if I worked full time. I actually miss them in a day verses being so overloaded with parenting I am ready to ditch as soon as my co-parent arrives home.  I have time to pick them up from school or day care, hear about the day and go home to some play, dinner prep, down time and nursing. I get to role model for my girls a confident mama in the world taking on big projects with her family alongside her. Recently Sweetpea told me she wanted to work at the Botanic garden when she grew up. I have a reason to get dressed up in the morning, wash my nice clothes and throw a huge spit rag over it all in hopes I won't be blurped on before I get to work.

Our minds are filled with the details of our jobs as well as the details that make the engine of a family running steady. My partner shares the parenting load more. Home life and work life are split up and we both play an integral role in each place. A level of respect and harmony floats around us when I have a moment to notice it. 

I have others looking after my young ones who love, respect and care for them. I use the mantra it takes a village to raise a child and trust my babies are taken care of and its good for them to experience life and culture with more then just me and daddy. There is energy in the part time working mamas home. An energy of accomplishment, being present and a little bit of chaos. Two non-profit jobs cannot hire a cleaning person so we settle for a bit of dirt and clutter that gets scurried away when we have a party or friends over for dinner. 

Part time work has a lot of pros but like most life choices it is also not as dreamy as it seems.  The part time worker is not paid as well. We get no benefits except the benefit of more time with our family. We forgo a lot of self-time for work time. Creativity is an after thought that lives burning in my heart and only get touched upon occasionally. As a women and mother I often put the needs of my family or job first and suffer from not being authentic to the creative well within. Exercise only sometimes happens and usually involves taking an unwilling kid along. As a part time worker my experience is so unique. So many other part time workers have such a varied experience. Some work from home, or have to take the office with them everywhere. Some are on call, some have their own business. It’s a hard way to relate to others experience when the experience can look so vastly different. We are all united on having kids and making some money at the work we do but the similarities often stop there.

 There is no handy acronym for the part time working mom, not SAHM or working mom, you are kind of a hybrid. Finding good, affordable childcare that caters to working parents as well as SAHM is rough too. Full time day cares are too expensive and not what I want but part time day cares like mothers day out only sort of work and are full of SAHM so you feel a little isolated as a worker in their midst. 

Going from SAHM to working mom was a huge shift as well. I constantly compare my experience with my first to my second and try to measure up to what I did the first time around. I cannot be there for everything with Little Pickle and it is heart breaking. At the same time it is relieving to have more income and knowing she is being well taken care of by others so I can also do important work in the world.

As a part time working mom you feel the urge and pressure to do everything a SAHM does but half the time to do it. You want to take on the PTA and volunteer projects at the school, you want to make muffins and have long kid directed play times after school. You have the expectation that you can get all the housework done and dinner ready every evening. But there is just not enough time for it all. So it happens in chunks. Chunks of self-care used for writing dates and calling up dear friends to talk. Going to interesting events around town. Time to snuggle up with your husband and watch a show in the 2 hours between when the kids fall asleep and when it’s your time to turn in. Chunks of time and patience are key to well being. 

I salute you fellow PTWM! You are kicking butt on so many levels, now stop and give your self a much needed bath and book date.          

Working Mama

Last Friday I put my baby into the loving arms of her Cece and pulled away from the parking lot crying my eyes out. I am now officially a working mama again. I spent all week prepping for the day. Having stress dreams. Trying to pump everyday, buying that just in case can of formula, and generally worrying about missing my little one, leaving her when she is so young, the guilt, etc. etc. So yes there were a lot of tears and fears but Little Pickle ultimately was fine. She was with grandma all day and grandma did beautifully. Filling me in with reports about feeding and pooping and smiling awake time.

I dutifully pumped my milk with two breaks in an 8-hour period. Though I was only able to pump 12 ounces at the end of the day. Sense I was not sure how much she would eat when I was away I felt like a failure. The added guilt of being a mom of two and comparing how I did it with the first did not help. I went back to work when Sweetpea was 2 ½ and breast-fed her till then. Though it was great being able to be full time with Sweetpea as a baby it was also super hard on our family. We were barely making it and stressed often about how we would be able to live on one income. I vowed to do things differently with our second child and I also already had this great job going into pregnancy this time around.

The milk production was also fine. I came home and had several bags of milk still in the fridge. 12 ounces is about what she eats when she is away from me. Success!!

By Alison Bechdel

 Day two was easier. She was home with daddy, I knew she would have enough milk it was ok. I still cried when I left her but I was not pining for my baby the way I felt the first day. It was kind of nice to miss her and be so excited to see her at the end of the day. When I got home I rubbed her soft elbows and knees, I smelled her head and breast-fed her. I strapped her on and had a dance party with Sweetpea while daddy went and had some self-time. I bought easy food to make for dinner those two days so there would be no resentments about dinner being made. I also ate a protein bar and chugged water on the way home to make sure I was in a good and ready place upon arrival.

By Jenn Borton

Work was busy and easy to take over my mind. When it got slow later in the day I kept my eye on the prize, I am making money so my family can live, so we can not get into anymore debt so we can pay the bills, get groceries and car gas. This made me happy to know I can provide for them. It is also good for me to be a part of something out side the home. To tend to my creative mind in programming at the garden, to go for quiet walks on the property, to be the PR face of a place I believe in and get to make people excited about. My work is not always glamorous, it does not pay amazingly well, sometimes its really annoying answering the same questions over and over but it still meets a creative need within me and is also ever changing making me more inventive and flexible.

I staggered going back to work 15 hours in August then 30 onward. We are on the cusp of having all of Little Pickles childcare worked out for fall, which leads me to feeling more grounded about it. There is an ocean of change occurring within our home but we are good at change, we are an adaptable family. Before she was born I saw Little Pickle weaving her way smoothly into our family culture. I read about early sleep teaching and had a plan to be more relaxed with this one. Our Little Pickle has done exceedingly well working by our side. She knows where she belongs and I am so thankful for this.

To V-bac or Not to V-bac

I am 3 1/2 weeks out from my due date. I have grown progressively bigger and bigger reaching epic proportions, my belly hangs low, I am feeling some of the tired and queasy feelings from the first tri-master creep in as I wait for the baby to come. I am perfectly happy to have this baby do a full gestation, there is still more to do like cleaning, hospital bag, food calendar, car seat installation but it would also be fine if baby came tomorrow. I would be prepared either way. I am a seasoned mom I know what to expect in the beginning and just how hard it all is. Its nice doing this the second time around, less fear of the un-known, more confidence a plan laid out before me that I know could change at any time.

I used to think I was an intuitive person. I seemed to have a somewhat psychic sense of when things were going to happen, an inner dial attuned to the subtleties of the future and what lay ahead. All of this went out the window when I had Sweetpea. Leading up to her due date and the 2 weeks she gestated past her due date I thought, "Today is the day I will birth my child. It will happen like this, this is the way." I got in the birthy zone, I had lots of contractions but the contractions would always die down and peter out. Nothing was like I thought it would be. The whole birth was a tale, which I have told earlier in this blog, complete with a hospital induction (cytotec), many hours of painful active labor and finally a 15 min. rush to surgery during transition.

My cesarean was probably the best cesarean one could have. It was sad to have to do it but it all went really smoothly. I was with a nurse I liked and had been with sense the beginning. It was so quick! 15 min. after being in labor for two days! They took her out cleaned her up and handed her to me within 5 min. She was with me the whole time; daddy was their and my midwife. There are some pictures; baby was healthy and nursed quickly like a champ after self-attaching in our room post birth. It was a little sad not to have daddy cut the cord but we were so in the present moment with getting her safely out we hardly noticed.

This time around we have two birth plans, one for cesarean and one for a natural labor. (Both include daddy cutting the cord.) I have to be open to both and I fluctuate daily on this. Some days I am fine with having a cesarean. My eye is on the prize of having a healthy baby in the end. I believe in my body and know I have no real idea of how it will go. Other days I feel like a rebellious teen ready to jump on anyone even considering giving me a cesarean. I am ready to fight tooth and nail to give birth in the most animalistic way I can think of. There is nothing tidy and organized about birth. It is smelly, raw, emotional and in your face. No matter where you do it, it is the most powerful and animal act we modern womyn get to do.

Judy Chicago

 The first time I filled myself up with stories of women giving birth orgasmically in their beds at home. This was my ideal vision of birthing. It still is and it is not what we can do right now. We cannot afford a home birth and so we picked the best v-bac doctor we could find. I am considered a good candidate and she thinks I will be able to have a successful v-bac. In order to v-bac with her I have to naturally go into labor by 40 weeks. This is the kicker that scares me the most, Sweetpea came a full 2 weeks after her due date. I will try to go for a full 40 weeks but I also have to be ok with hospital policy. Grrrrr. We did hire an awesome doula that I believe will be a good liaison between the hospital and me and daddy's vision for labor. I don't want to get my hopes up too much though. As a good friend affirmed for me "hold on tightly, let go lightly." I will carry this affirmation with me into the birthing rooms of the hospital, as I fight to let my baby come naturally and be ok with whatever needs to happen.

What a challenging place and yet a growthful one too.

The Beginning: Tales of the First Tri-Master

First of all, I am thankful. I am thankful that after months of trying and years of considering we were able to conceive. The answer of weather we would have a second child has been answered. I am thankful that I got to prepare for this one and make a fully conscience decision that I am ready to be a two kid mom. I also see how my Sweetpea is really ready to be a big sister.

Next we got pregnant. The first time this happened was a surprise. Being in my senior year of college I thought I would follow the laid out path for me of MFA programs, artist residency, and maybe a few years down the line start a family. The evening I found out I was pregnant, I reached for the third pregnancy test and again, seeing a positive sign, I really freaked out. We could have been in a lot worse of a situation, I had a stable, committed and happy relationship with the dad. I was 28, not totally a spring chicken. I had a lot of really cool experiences under my belt already. I decided to be ready, then motherhood came flooding in as the biggest adventure of my life.

5 years down the line I took my pregnancy test in the afternoon and jumped for joy! Leaping across my bathroom in a Tigger type fashion. When Sweetpea woke up from her nap I told her, we squealed around the house. Then I patiently waited for two more hours till daddy got home from work. He was over the moon we all were, it was just getting to the point where I was starting to wonder about my fertility, then bam it happened. The baby waited till we moved into our new home. We conceived soon after moving in.

After a week or two of blissful excitement my little bubble popped. Pregnancy and me are not good friends. My body is not a big fan of sharing all its resources. This shows up in long bouts of violent vomiting and hours of nausea. The pattern I developed was eat a little, sleep a little, eat a little sleep a little all day long. I was in survival mode, only doing the bare minimum to get by. Daddy really stepped up to the plate, taking over a lot of Sweetpea's routine on top of working. I would show up to work and try to not vomit or fall asleep for 5 hours. Then go pick up my daughter from pre-school and spend the rest of the afternoon/evening on the couch.

I felt like I was doing a crap job with Sweetpea but she seemed to understand. When I would start randomly crying she would come over and pet my head. We watched a lot of my little pony.  I was eating like a small child so that worked well in feeding her. The vomiting started at 4 1/2 weeks for me, the only solace it provided was proof that my pregnancy was sticking and I was less likely to have a miscarriage. Though that might be something they tell new sick mothers just to make them feel better.

After days of not being able to stop hacking I decided enough was enough, medicate me. I was really anti-meds with Sweetpea. I struggled along through my whole pregnancy believing I was doing best by my baby. Maybe it is best, but this time I was not going to mess around. I had a vacation coming up I refused to be completely sick for all of it. I also have just felt more relaxed in general this pregnancy. I don't have the time to notice every little change.  I am too busy trying to keep up with my 4 year old.

I went to my first doctor's appointment and got prescribed the generic version of Zofran an anti-nausea medication. Lucky for me it worked! I still felt pregnant, had bouts of nausea and even occasional vomiting, but not nearly as much as before. I was finally able to eat without having to take a nap right afterword to keep from vomiting. The best part is I could just feel like a normal person in my body for some of the day.

I also kept this as perspective; I am building a human brain! This part is so incredible it’s hard to explain. I can't believe I have the capability to make a brain. I am crafting one of the most incredible things that nature has provided to humans. What an ordinary and extraordinary act to be pregnant. It makes me feel more connected to humanity, growing a life force is so fierce.

This is defiantly my second time around. The first time I was walking on eggs shells sure every little thing I did would affect the baby. Now I know it take s a lot to screw things up. If I stick to the tried and true resources I have a sense that this kid will be fine. I am already in good communication with "Little Pickle Lollipop" (the womb name Sweetpea and I came up with.) I gently remind the baby within how much we like food and how loved they already are. I also do a lot of deep belly rubbing, this seems to help with nausea and keeps me feeling more connected to the wee one swimming around inside of me.

I am now at the end of my first tri-master and am noticing a marked difference. Like the stages of babyhood pregnancy is an ever-changing state that you just have to role with. I can't predict how I will feel day to day but I surely remember the amazing thing that happens at the end. There is nothing like holding your little one for the first time and hearing their voice. Knowing my precious baby will be at the end of the roller coaster ride of pregnancy makes it worth it.

How to be yourself be a mom and be a wife

I thought up this title the other day on a car ride to go pick up my daughter from pre-school. The reality of it is I am a novice at this and feel in the middle of a learning curve. In the short amount of years I have taken on these identities I have figured some stuff out I would like to share. I am writing this as much for myself to be a reminder of the important things as for you dear reader. I used the word wife because it makes me cringe every time so I feel it’s important to address that as well. All you other mothers/folks in life long partnerships if you have any thoughts around this topic please share in the comments. 

1. Communicate

Partners are not mind readers. Sometimes I wish they were. I find the second there is icky energy between daddy and I, if I address it, it goes away. No grudges, no hard feelings, just good solid truth telling. Sometimes this is really hard especially if it’s something vulnerable, which it often is, but if I get over that heart racing feeling and tell him what I really think, I always feel better. We both do.

2. Listen to your heart

My mind can go all over the place, rationalizing hurts, dwelling in feelings and minute details, trailing into uncertainty but if I listen to my mind through my heart I often know what’s best and follow the pumping organs advise. It might not always be the easiest answer but it is the most authentic and then I know I am being myself.

By Allison Paige

3. Have really close people in your life that are not your partner or kids

There is so much pressure to have your partner and family fulfill your every need for closeness. In most relationships these are the easiest folks to fall back on. I find that most folks I know need more then that. When you know you will get really good connection from a dear friend the pressure is off your partner to disappoint when they don't want to do the same things as you. When you have some folks to hang with that are not your family life seems bigger and having the option to miss your loved ones and look forward to coming back to there loving embraces is a good sensation as opposed to always having to be there.

4. Hold onto dreams no matter how impossible they seem. 

This is really important in maintaining the being your self part of being in a family. My dreams don't have the instant gratification they used to have in my early 20s. My dreams require timelines and negotiation; they require compromise and fitting into windows of time that never quiet feel like enough. But they are still my dreams and live vividly in my head. My partner gives me the focus of time and how long I have to achieve all that I want, so I keep the long range plan in mind and find ways to fulfill some of my dreams while being in the present. Keeping my dreams alive in my head helps be remember I still have all that beautiful, creative energy in me and one day I will do it all.

 5. Let go of the little things and remember the bigger picture every day

All the little S#*@t that bugs me each day has got to go. Some of it is worth communicating and following my heart about but if I let the mounds of little irritating things pile up it ruins my outlook and keeps me away from being my authentic self. We all have habits that piss each other off. Lets live with the feelings, then kick them out and move on. Some days this is easier then others so I try to wipe the slate clean at night, I sleep better because of this.

6. Have practices and rituals that are just yours that you attend to every week. 

Often if the ritual involves exercise I get the added bonus of feeling all the endorphins from movement. Even if this means spending 5 min. reading a paragraph from a book I love it really makes all the difference. It is all about checking in with myself, setting it up that my needs are just as important as the folks I care for and cohabitant with.

By Lotte Laserstein

7. Find a way to laugh and or feel delight every day/week.

This might just happen spontaneously, it does in my life and it’s easy to not notice it when I feel down. If I make an intention of feeling delight and laughter I seek out the experiences that bring it. This often involves noticing cool things about Sweetpea, playing silly games, singing, being outdoors, watching funny movies, planning out an adventure.

8. Have a freakin' date with your partner where you don't talk about parenting, finances, the future or any topic other then the pure delight of the present or sharing happy stories from the past.

Daddy and I have had dates where we end up in a tailspin about the future or we spend so much time talking about Sweetpea we don't feel like we left her at all. I have had to be intentional in this area. Thinking about what I can talk about that will just inspire us, save the heavy conversations for specified times not date night. Sweetpea can be a source of delight to talk about but sometimes its good to just leave behind the parenting role for a few hours and just focus on each other not as parents.

9. Kiss and hug your children and partner often, look for ways to cuddle and be physically close when you are together. Being close melts away the bad feelings, being close is one of the most human things we can do, it builds intimacy, reminds me why I chose to live in a partnership and brings a sense of wholeness to the grand scheme of life. Being close always brings smiles to my face and the faces of my loved ones.

10. Recognize the inequality inherent in relationships, roles and being a part of a family but don't dwell there, seek ways to change these things and also come to places of peace with the good, the bad and the serendipitous parts of choosing this life.

Exploring the MET (Metropolitan Museum of Art) with Sweetpea

I strolled my sleeping child through the rows of ancient Greek statues, awed by there presence. Daddy went off to see a world war II photography exhibit, disappearing under the white tent folds of the MET's newest installation. I preferred the ceramics of antiquity. As I turned a corner to the most ancient pottery of the Mediterranean I saw her, the big, billowy, thighs and chest of an ancient mother Goddess, propped up on two metal hooks, encased in glass under soft light. She was hard to spot amongst the vases and oil urns, but she stood out for me, glowing with an aura of majesty. As I stood transfixed, the halted movement awoke my dreaming child. Sweetpea woke up with a start as she always does, immediately alert and ready to tell me something. As if being pushed in a stroller over the cobblestone pathways along central park west was a part of our daily routine. Waking up surrounded by artwork in a large, loud, echoing room was just a part of the fun of having two adventuring parents.

"What’s that mama?" Her crackly just awoke voice said pointing at the little Goddess I had found for us.  “It’s our mother Goddess Sweetpea," "Mother Goddess" I hear repeated back to me, a slight pause, "why?" I go into an explanation of how this little Goddess represents the power of women as life givers and how ancient people's worshiped this power that all women have. I lift her up and we stare at the little figure, I smell her slightly sweaty hair, and marvel in the beauty of sharing this with my daughter.

I was only a little older then Sweetpea is now the first time I came to the MET. It was a daddy daughter date in the city. There is a picture of me flat up against Cleopatra's needle in a multi-colored, terry cloth dress and blues sneakers. I remember going there, I remember walking through the Egyptian temple, and admiring the old Roman statues. I have been back many times sense. As a teenager my unschooled friends and me would rain down on NYC and meet in front of the MET. We would hang out on the front steps leading up to it and check out the fashion history exhibit in the basement. My favorite place in the museum was in the Arab section, a tiny dome made of wood, carved in intricate patterns. This dome sits in a hallway in between rooms. It is quiet, like a tree house within the vast open spaces of history and art.  


Later, with my husband and daughter in toe I walk them towards the Roman statue hall. We ended up in an atrium with a larger then life bronze statue of Perseus defiantly holding up the head of Medusa. I pointed at the statue and said "Sweetpea, look at this beautiful statue."  With a look of wonder and horror my child stares and begins a long strand of "why?" questioning. I realize after the fact what a strange statue this is to point out to her. In one room I am talking about ancient people's worshiping the great Mother, in the other room I am trying to explain Greek myth and the chopping off of a woman's head. My daughter is learning life is complex.

I have cornered myself into this conversation so I go back to the beginning, we first talk about stories, how they are different from real life. Then I talk about Medusa, what she did and why someone would want to chop off her head. It is a delicate explanation.  I am trying to explain things simply enough that she will not draw conclusions about good and bad, and will instead focus on truth and fiction. The rest of the day she reports to everyone we talk to about "Dusa, and how he chopped off her head." We still talk about it months later.

Our last stop is the Tiffany hall, we all stand awestruck in front of the huge Tiffany windows, lit from within, exuding an aura of holiness. We play make believe games with the bear statues in the hall and pretend to chop off each other’s heads. :)

There we were, only a 3rd of this grand museum explored and still content with all we got to see. We went just outside the gates to a NYC park complete with meandering benches and metal play structure letting the art of the day soak into our souls.

The Dawn Of A New Era

Dearest Reader,

Below is a post I started to write on January 1st. For the month of January I have been working outside the home! I am a teaching artist for an awesome organization called Creative Action http://creativeaction.org/
Sorry for the long neglect, a lot has happened and my blog has been very spotty with the updates. I now have found time during the super bowl to sneak away to a cafe and write about this exciting life of mine. Enjoy!

So here we are the dawning of the Age of Aquarius and the end of the Mayan Calendar. In my early 20s when I was big into the activism scene this date really scared me. I really thought this would be the end of the world or a shift to things getting much worse. As I got older and closer to the actual time of 2012 I started thinking differently. Maybe the fear I had running for so much of my youth dissolved a little, maybe I just had more perspective living as an adult in our crazy society, a shift occurred from within. I started seeing this time as a chance for our country to get better. For my generation to pick up the slack, for an ancient way of thinking to come back into fashion where people are more connected to their actions and feel fulfilled by being connected to each other and nature.  

I want to live my life in a sustainable way, I want to have my family more connected to the food chain through growing our own food, building our home and treading more lightly on the earth then we currently do. We talk about a shift from urban to rural. It would be challenging, exciting and scary. We want to live near a city so we can use the resources of it. Both our careers are city reliant and I imagine it will stay that way for a while. All my life I have known how to observe nature through the lens of a city dweller. Other then brief stints farming for a few months, I have lived in a city context and found my sacred space in city parks, down alleyways and on the frequent hikes just outside of the places I live. 

 Having a yard is one of the key ways I have stayed connected to nature. I follow a Cardinal family as they play in the pecan tree outside our bedroom. I stare at the intricate patterns of the elm leaves as I swing in our hammock. As I walk Sweetpea to the park I stare at the grackle impressions, deep black on immense blue sky. I get my hands dirty in our small, freshly built veggie bed and pick caterpillars off our cabbages.

This meditation with the wild things that live near me helps keep me focused and guides my thoughts to the beauty of this universe, to the interconnected web of life, to my version of deity. I am teaching k-1st graders about local ecology and art. We are getting to know animals that live around us, plants that grow in back of the school and trees that line our neighborhoods. Passing on this information is key to our survival as a species; it’s that ancient wisdom that is rarely shared. 

I see the spark of connection in Sweetpea. She delights in plants, picking carrots and petting flowers. I look forward to the days she has several acres to run around on and claim as her own, mud forts, streams and hollow logs. Daddy and I are close to making this vision come true; we are also far from it. For now we have our home for another year, another year of tending plants, listening to birds and bonding with our neighbors.

This morning our UU reverend led a sermon on female deity and God as a huntress. This was the first time I had really thought of a female deity as something other then a mother. I loved it! I love the mother Goddess archetype too, but somehow being able to imagine a higher power as a huntress got my creative juices flowing. The Age of Aquarius is a turning, a looking back and looking forward. This time is about highlighting female power in our society. I am ready to dive in.