Kids & Stuff

As an activist and penny pincher for most of my life I have figured out a lot about not being materialistic, making do and up cycling most things. After becoming a parent I had to figure out a new relationship to stuff. There was all the baby stuff, needs verses wants I am still unclear of, we got almost all of it used but still accumulated a lot more things in our lives. Then it became toys, we love toys as a family and daddy and I kept a lot of childhood stuff we eagerly have passed onto Sweetpea. Then presents from family and friends just kept adding up. It worked in our favor that we moved so often so we could not accumulate too much but still our stuff factor is higher then I would like.

I am not only talking about what we own but also what my kid desires. Daddy and I recently had a very different take on what desire and stuff should look like in our lives. Daddy says that there will always be stuff my daughter will want in this world. He thinks we should support her desire to want things and be perfectly happy not getting any of it. His philosophy is she can always ask for it. This falls under the "we have integrity to set a firm boundary and stick to it style of parenting. "Also, she can desire all she wants knowing that she will not necessarily get whatever she has momentarily attached to.

Daddy and Sweetpea on their Saturdays together often head to the mall. They usually window-shop and spend spare change on the little rides there. They look at everything, she asks for it and for the most part he says no. Then they move on. She is so used to this interaction now that it does not seem to faze her that she will not get most of what she is asking for.

I never take Sweetpea to the mall. This window-shopping would drive me bonkers. Her asking for everything she comes into contact with overwhelms me. I only go to stores with a specific purpose and let her know ahead of time what we will be getting and that is it. She is not confused by our different styles and can get pleasure out of both experiences. 

We recently ran into a divergent point around some dolls. Sweetpea desired dolls that resembled tweaked out partygoer divas complete with gogo boots. I deemed the dolls to adult like for Sweetpea to be playing with at her age, daddy agreed, but seeing how much she liked them, printed out a picture for her to carry around of the dolls as if she had them. I was not sure how I felt about this but tried to be open and see what would happen. Would only sort of having them lead to her more greatly wanting them or would it curb the obsession? After a week of carrying the picture everywhere I decided to hide it. I was done having conversations about these bazaar dolls I was not ready to have my 4 year old playing with. Once the picture was gone she has not asked for it sense or brought up the dolls. 

Kaya' Bedroom James Mollison

  This was an experiment, mixing our two styles of parenting around stuff, in this case my "get rid of the temptation and the desire will go away" approach seemed to work best. Though I really appreciate my husbands chill nature around objects and desire. He can be very practical and light about it. Growing up I felt a burden to really want something in order to get it. I remember feeling guilty if I said in the store I wanted something and then when I came home not wanting it anymore and not knowing what to do. This happened more in my teen years but still brings up that fresh confusion around how crazy our culture is around stuff and the need for it.

How much do we actually need? I feel the desire for things now even stronger with the closing date for our first home approaching. Suddenly I am staring at websites looking at furniture just a few months ago I would never have considered a necessity. I know my little one is watching me react to stuff and the importance or lack of importance of it. I want her to see an un-materialistic and happy family valuing togetherness over money and objects. Still she lives in this culture that just seems to be getting more and more obsessed with us personalizing and buying everything, ahem, the new cokes with names on them, makes me gag. 

By Katrin Wells-Stein

Ultimately I want a healthy, happy kid who can read between the lines when she is being sold a bunch of crap she knows she does not need. I also want to be flexible enough myself to remember what it was like being a kid and saving up my allowance for weeks to buy a Barbie doll. I remember the feeling of excitement getting an American Girls Catalog and leafing through every page. I turned into a radical person who listened to riot girl, was self educated and traveled the world. I don't think Sweetpea needs to see the world through my adult eyes.  I will watch out for her and these more and more garish versions of kid’s stuff they seem to come up with but will at the same time not trample on her desires. It’s a fine balance as is all of parenting.