Love For December Roses

That sense of delight, of wonder, of joy,

I spot them out of the corner of my eye, chilly winter pale across our ranch style neighborhood, then bright bursts of color as we turn the corner toward home.

Canary yellow, deep scarlet, flamingo pink, a shade of pink I want to call baby’s cheek.

They sprout from the tips of the thorniest out stretched arms of the ancient plants of my 1950’s house. Who planted them? The bottoms of the bushes look like reptile skin. How could something so rough and desert -like produce the most delicate soft balls of scent and surprise?

My memories stretch far back to an old house, crumbling at the edges, held together with duck tape and vines by the name of Terra Down. I awoke on a June morning to dew kissed peach roses tickling my nose. It was the perfect way to be woken to a new year in my early 20’s. This was a dear friend’s surprise, waking me to the world with the romantic, spicy scent of roses.  

Roses belong in June, in my birthday month. I am forever imprinted with this knowledge and memory. Yet, here it is, the bleak brown and white of December, gray is as solid as the air and then, them…

I laugh aloud as I cut the open blossoms to decorate my winter table.  A neighbor walks by with his dog, hears me giggle. I hold up the glass jar filled with blossoms and we both chuckle at the spectacle, the crazy reality of weird Oklahoma winters, the climate change that might have brought about these curiosities. Yet I can’t help but smile at the rare beauty, the mystery and marvel of roses in December.

Designing Natural Outdoors Play Spaces

It is easy to imagine an idyllic kids back yard. I see a huge jungle gym, a trampoline and dreamy playhouse. All of these are awesome things to facilitate environments children will be excited to play outside in. The only problems with these kinds of play structures are they are just what they are. You can play imaginative games on them, but in the end they only provide one kind of play. Designing a space that is more imagination focused requires some strategizing. Investigating the way children play outside happily for hours takes some forethought and consideration for the way humans like to live outside.

You do not necessarily want to recreate an indoor environment outside, though using some of what you learn inside will help in the outdoors. It is about reconnecting with all the elements that make an outdoor play space great, such as having a spot to dig, having different terrain to traverse, and having a combination of wet and dry ingredients available. It is also about thinking like an animal. Finding warm, sheltered places, good spots to hide and good spots to stretch out. You can also plant herbs so that young people run across their fragrances as they play. You can set up whole gardens that attract wildlife and allow opportunities for families to study nature up close and examine butterflies for hours.

Designing a natural play space can look a bit like designing a cozy forest. You want gardens, sweet, village-like home setups, pathways that lead to adventure and take you in a circular fashion around the yard. There must be places to dig and get messy and places to clean up afterward. Below is a list of all the things I have figured out about making a natural play space in my backyard.  

Elements of a Natural Play Space

Loose, open ended materials lying around

A pile of leaves in the corner, trimmed branches from the hedges, a pile of river rocks, these are just three examples of materials that become open ended play opportunities. Bundles of sticks become forest shelter construction, tinder for a fire pit, even a mat for babies to sleep on, or fishing poles for sale. The possibilities for an old pile of branches are endless.

River rock is smooth and easy to fit in you hand. Buckets of river rock become trade objects in imaginary towns and river rock in the sand box makes for great hide and seek games when hidden under piles of sand. Rocks can also become decorative elements on mud/sand chocolate cakes.  

Leaf piles are great hiding spots, a chance to explore bug life and inhale the sweet scent of decaying leaves. A leaf throwing party and a chance to rake it all up and play again is the intentional and resilient work we want to see young people engaged in. Using their bodies, hearts and minds to play.

The Hammock: A hammock immediately brings cozy warmth to a space. It’s a chance to climb in, learn balance and how to steady one’s self. It also gives you the chance to get snuggly with others and have a quiet spot to observe trees and wind. The Hammock is a perfect respite for a long day and once you have one up you will find yourself longing for it and it. It may even become a part of your daily ritual of relaxing.

A deep sand pit: When we were researching what kind of sand pit to make or buy we realized in order to achieve the kind of sand play we wanted to see happen in the yard we definitely had to make our own. Ready made sand boxes do not get very deep. They don’t seem to hold children’s interest as long as big, deep, sand pits. We dug a large hole into the earth and then filled it with concrete. After that dried we lined the hole with bricks to give it some structure. We then filled it up with play sand, about 25 bags full. The sand pit is central to the backyard play, it seems every age of child that has come into our yard loves the sand pit. I have seen complicated sand castles constructed. Whole cities and towns have been built with moats and dinosaur rulers. I have seen vet clinics established and full on scavenger hunts for things buried in the sand. The extra fun play in the sand box happens when I keep the hose near by. The combo of sand and water is irresistible to most children. My Oklahoma backyard becomes a sandy coastal beach as children fill it over and over with a few inches of water. Getting your toes in wet sand is creating another peaceful experience outdoors. Many deep holes have been dug in that sand box, with intentions to reach China, though no one has made it to the bottom so far.   

Pathways

Pathways establish a garden and natural play space. They lead you to the different play areas and lead you away from the more delicate plants that should not be trampled. The key is not to get to controlling with the paths, you want your pathways to be open and able to change. The best paths I have found follow the way people naturally move through a yard. Observing the way adults and children like to be in your yard will help you figure out the best way to route them. Paths can be as simple as grass mowed in curvy directions around garden beds in your yard or as complex as mulch paths lined with stones. Paths are especially helpful in a forested yard where its hard to tell which living things you should not tread on.

Varying Terrain to Transverse, a little hill or slope

Different aspects of terrain in your yard can create all kinds of exploring options.  I have observed that a little hill or rise in the ground can create lots of adventure games, two hills can create a moat to cross when a board or branch is laid across them. Play can involve rolling down the side of a hill, hiding around the corner or just lying on the side of the hill and observing the sky. I have seen many games of king or queen of the mountain and many processions go over the small hill in our yard. If you do not naturally have a hill in your yard you can easily create one by digging a hole and piling the dirt high. You can seed grass on the hill or just let it lay there. We used the extra dirt from digging the sand box for a hill in our yard.

Vegetation, fragrant plants, habitat gardens, butterfly gardens

Imagine a pack of children running around a yard, hiding behind bushes, and rubbing against lavender plants just to smell that delicious scent on their clothing. They stop for a break and grab a handful of ripe black berries growing along the fence and stop to examine a spider web in-between the grape leaves. Gardens are a huge part of creating a harmonious outdoor space. Starting with native shrubs and flowers can start you on the right path. These will provide habitat for your explorers as well as local wildlife. You will also create beauty and sensuous experience for all the people that enter your yard. Planting native vegetation can require little water and can easily be kept pesticide free because the plants already are acclimated to the place you live.  Once you get hooked on gardening the possibilities are endless, creating butterfly and hummingbird gardens, zen rock gardens, and of course vegetable patches and fruit orchards. Let your imagination run free and let your children help. They often have great ideas and will learn so much from putting life into the earth.

Fairy circles

In our home we have two fairy circles. Our fairy circles are a circular shaped garden bed with a stone in the middle of it for sitting. We also have a circle of stumps we use for fairy tea parties. In the circular garden bed we plant spring and summer flowers, we cut out this part of our yard and lined it with stones, one large flat stone sits in the middle. In the summer sunflowers can surround you. In the spring, poppies of every shade sprout before you.

We also have a set of old stumps we gathered from a friend’s yard. These stumps quickly transform into a fairy tea party. They are a great space for children to have imaginary and real meals and delight in a natural outdoor table area.

Elements of home in the outdoor spaces

My Virgo daughter Sweetpea loves the cozy feeling of home. Taking the comfortable elements of home and putting them outside has made all the difference for her nature connection. When I incorporated the different design elements I describe below it made our backyard a more inviting place for my homebody daughter to play.

Mud Kitchen

This is a fun way of saying an outdoor play kitchen. Old pots and pans, a few make shift burners made from the tops of canning jars screwed into a wooden bench and you have yourselves a perfect beginning to a play kitchen. The most important thing is to not put fancy things in the mud kitchen. Make sure everything is sturdy made from wood, metal or hard plastic and is ok to get dirty. This is not the time to take out the porcelain tea set. Many stews and chocolate cakes topped with dandelion flowers have come out of our mud kitchen.

Pergola and picnic table for outdoor eating

A pergola is a wooden or metal frame that is used to grow vining plants and make a living roof over a part of your garden. Ours grows thick with Wisteria and adds the perfect structure and shade to make outdoor living a year round activity. We have a large enough pergola to house several tables but the one that gets used the most is the wooden picnic bench. Having a big table for everyone to sit or craft brings us outside more. In good weather we eat outside at least once a week. I teach classes at the tables and have used it for cooking projects, painting and many more activities. Having a designated cozy space to work really brings the indoor feeling outside. 

Fort or Tree House

A fort or tree house is a great way to make a home in the outdoors. It is not necessary to making a cozy feeling outside but it is so fun to make, you might find yourself doing it just for the happiness it brings you. My dream when I was young was to have a full playhouse in my back yard. We had a platform my parents constructed. The platform became my home away from home. My friends and I would make house up in the tree. We would construct roofs from old pokeberry branches in summer and fir branches in the winter. The key with constructing a fort is to make it as open ended as possible to not limit the scope of the play. A full on playhouse, while spectacular has trouble becoming an army bunker, or campsite. A raised platform in a tree can really become anything.

The tree house we have now is a raised platform big enough to hold fifteen people at a time. One side sits up against a huge pin oak tree the other three sides are held up with huge posts that have been placed in concrete in the ground. There are two entrances via ladders. I see many rope and pulley systems go up to haul buckets of leaves and materials. Pop up shops selling acorns, herbs and berries and whole bedrooms have been constructed on the platform. Sometimes sweet pea just drags a blanket and pile of books up there for some reading time with her back against the trunk of the big pin oak tree.

Ability to control the temperature

Chiminea’s are little outdoor ovens used to warm up your patio on a cool day or make enough smoke to scare away mosquitoes in the summer. They are easy to start fires in, mostly safe and beautiful to look at. You can buy them at most garden or outdoors stores. We purchased ours from a Mexican pottery import place. 

Big Trees

Not everyone is lucky enough to have big trees around them or in their yard, but if you do take advantage of it. Big trees do a lot to cool the temperature in the summer; they provide the necessary shade to be happy for a long time outside. During my July outdoor summer camp the children were able to survive the heat by staying in the shade of the giant oak trees in my yard. I give thanks for them daily. If you do not have any large trees in your yard consider getting a table set with an umbrella and or making a pergola.

These are just some of the ways I have figured out how to make a dynamic space to be happy outdoors year round. If you are interested in more tips on designing beautiful outdoor nature play spaces stay tuned, check out the Under The Canopy blog for more info in the near future. I would also love to hear what you have figured out on how to make your yard into a natural play space.

Getting Your Toddler To Brush Their Teeth

 Sometimes the simplest things become the biggest struggles and occasionally the biggest victories. It has always been a struggle to get Little Pickle to brush her teeth. The second that cute, Winnie the pooh baby toothbrush came near her mouth as a little one she would scream. Don’t get me wrong, the kid loves putting stuff in her mouth. From my hairbrush, the bottom of her shoes any and all electronics with cords, she is ready to gobble them all up. The second something useful, hygienic and helpful comes along suddenly it is “abort everything.” She either squirms away from me screaming as I jab the brush into her mouth or she grabs the brush, sucks all the toothpaste off, and then proceeds to throw it across the bathroom.

Most of the time I have ignored this behavior. In a classic, “this is my second kid” syndrome, I am more relaxed about everything and also hold a genuine belief that she will grow out of it. The brain fuzz that occurs between two children separated by 4 ½ years makes me vaguely remember Sweetpea also throwing fits about tooth brushing. Now the girl is a wiz at it. All I have to do is sing the “brush your teeth” song and she happily runs to the bathroom, sets her timer, brushes away then flosses and rinses with mouth wash. Yeah for Virgo kids!

Once a week I had been holding my dear toddler down and scrubbing her teeth while she screams bloody murder. I only did this once a week because I really didn’t want her to get cavities. Feeling guilty for forcing the tooth brushing, I remember what the pediatrician said to me about not pushing things on her so as not to create a bad memory of the experience. I decided to consult the Internet for tips. I was instructed to brush my teeth in front of my child to model the healthy habit, not a bad idea but Little Pickle had a lot more fun watching me brush then doing it to her teeth.  Having an electric toothbrush was endlessly fascinating to her.

I tried the let’s make this one big game idea. She says “tee” for the front teeth while I brush and then “aww” for the back teeth so she opens her mouth really wide. Little pickle loved making the sounds but not with the toothbrush anywhere near her.

I also tried the “there’s a tiger in your mouth and I am going to get it” technique.  This definitely made her laugh but did not lead to an easier time for brushing.

I tried the mediation method, this involved taking deep relaxing breaths before having her brush her teeth, then silently witnessing the act instead of instructing. Yeah, this did not really work.  However, this exercise prompted me to realize how I needed to capitalize on what my daughter did like to do, stick things in her mouth.

As we left the bathroom heading to our next transition, books and bedtime I noticed she would pop just about anything in her mouth while we were reading. If it was a small toy, her banana teether or just her fingers, as we read Little Pickle was enjoying the oral stimulation. A new idea was formed. The next evening when tooth brushing struggle time came near I went into the bathroom, grabbed her brush with a pea of toddler toothpaste on it and led her right to the bedroom. Out of context the toothbrush became a glorified teether! She would start the brushing on the changing table. At book time the toothbrush stayed in her mouth, working her way around each tooth several times as I read. Suddenly my fussy, hate to brush toddler was brushing for 5 minutes straight, no big deal like the boss lady she is.

I am sure that this “Out of Context” strategy will not work for the rest of her life but for now the no pressure, we brush as we go works well for us. Little Pickle is keeping up the good habits and I am not stressed about her associating tooth brushing with power struggle. Victory!

Gluten Free Year Two

My history with a gluten free diet is long and sordid. When I was a baby my two year old brother was diagnosed with Celiac disease. The diagnosis came after suffering with a distended belly and not being able to properly digest food for months. Once my parents eliminated gluten from his diet he immediately improved. This was in the early 80’s when not much was available for people who couldn’t eat wheat. It was a hard road for him. I grew up with a lot of wheat alternatives in our home but still ate wheat. My mother explained to me that I had a wheat tummy and my brother had a rice tummy.

Fast forward to my 20’s, I decided to try an allergy elimination diet. I was into trendy, healthy life style stuff and thought I would see if my stomach aches, acne, etc. might be related to food allergies. A lot of my friends were trying this at the time so I thought I could try it too. One of my friends had found out he was allergic to eggs and once he stopped eating them his chronic acne went away. I did not have the same issue but was curious what it might do for my overall health.  

In an elimination diet, you take 3 weeks and refrain from eating all the foods that are common allergens.  These foods are eggs, wheat, dairy, peanuts and corn. After the 3 weeks is over you re-introduce the foods one at a time in a concentrated form. For example when reintroducing dairy you would drink a glass of milk while testing dairy, verses eating a cookie with milk in it. Then you wait for an hour to see if you have an allergic reaction. These reactions can be tricky and varied. One reaction is swelling, soar throat, flu like symptoms. Another is digestion issues, stomach cramps, nausea. Another allergic symptom is sores that can develop on the insides of your lips after eating the food. The first time I did this diet it was really hard to tell what was an allergic reaction. It seemed like all the common allergy foods made me feel high and fuzzy. Eggs seemed to have a stronger sensation but it was hard to tell. The only one that had no side affects was dairy. Luckily dairy and my stomach have always been friends.

After doing this diet once and having such varied results I ended up feeling like it was a waste of time and just went back to eating whatever.

Enter pregnancy a few years later. My body completely changed, even the way I digested food seemed to change for the better. I had suffered for a time with stomach ulcer like symptoms pre-baby, post baby the ulcers resolved. After having the baby, Sweetpea, I was over joyed and super focused on her more then myself. However, I did notice while nursing Sweetpea that wheat bothered me. It was hard to pin point why but I could tell after eating wheat I did not feel good, more lethargic, more sores on my lip, and sometimes hot or burning sensations. I really noticed the symptoms when I was on a trip to Italy. Italy as a country actually has a lot of Gluten Free (GF) options. At the time, I was not restricting my eating and enjoyed lots of pasta and bread. Everyday I felt more and more out of it. My head got really itchy, something inside me kept saying, “this is related to wheat” but I didn’t want to hear it.

 A few years passed after the trip. Over new years, a friend and I decided to set some resolutions around our health. I wrote, “get to the bottom of any health issues” I had. I started this resolution with a 40-day allergy elimination diet. This time I was going to pinpoint the foods I suspected I was allergic to, eggs and wheat. Forty days with no wheat or eggs was rough as most prepared foods contain both these ingredients. Most prepared GF foods have eggs in them, so it was almost all home cooking for me.

I was diligent this time, not eating the foods I knew I shouldn’t and letting go of the random wheat and egg treats that are prevalent everywhere.  I just did not partake.  A pleasant experience from this is I lost about 10 pounds; the random treats really did add up.  I was hoping to lose my baby weight from my second child, Little Pickle, so I was able to check off two new years resolutions at once, score!

A memorable moment in the allergy elimination phase was at an office party where everyone was having decadent cupcakes. I had forgotten about the party and busted out my sunflower butter and jam rice cakes that I had planned to have for lunch. Everyone felt bad for me but I laughed it off explaining my new diet.

After 40 days I re-introduced eggs, whites then yolks. Absolutely no allergic reaction! I was very pleased to see this. On to wheat, I ate half a baguette for lunch. Right afterword I felt woozy. My lips started to sting my throat was sore. The rest of the day was a blur and the next few days I felt like I had the flu. It was terrible and a big wake up call. My body was fighting off an allergic reaction every time I ate wheat. It was inflaming my back, giving me chronic back pain, it made me gain weight and made me feel like crap.  It was time to stop eating wheat.

Sense the initial elimination of wheat and subsequent weight loss, things slowed down into a routine. The first year was all about experimentation, trying new GF products and figuring out how to eat happily with my wheat eating family. Thankfully I was somewhat skilled in this having lived my childhood with my GF brother. Often when I cook I just cook GF for everybody. My husband will do things GF for me as well but sometimes I just eat my own meal. One of the health benefits I noticed was less back pain. I was working with a cranial sacral therapist to help with this as well. I think wheat was inflaming my back and not eating it anymore made my body feel less irritated and tense.

It is now year 2 of being GF. At this point it has become routine. Like a vegetarian I just know there are certain foods I can’t eat. I don’t even really miss them. I associate the wheat foods with the allergic symptoms and that really helps. I occasionally long for real Italian bread but I also know what will happen if I indulge. It is not worth it. It can be a bummer when you’re on a special diet especially when negotiating dinning out options with my family. One day I just let us go to the pizza place and I ate a hearty salad instead. Most of the time though, I can find something GF and tasty on the menu.

There are a lot of alternative baked goods out there now, but they vary in quality. I know to not eat most pre made GF muffins unless I want a dry, sandy overly sweet flavor in my mouth. GF frozen waffles however taste great. GF pop tarts- nasty, GF cinnamon sugar doughnuts-super tasty. I am very particular about the mixes I buy and alternative breads. Bob’s Red mill makes 2 great all purpose GF flours one is garbanzo based, a little healthier, the other is potato starch and tapioca based, it is not very healthy but gives the fluffy soft rise when making pancakes. We use these flours combined with almond flour for most things.  Canyon Bakehouse makes my favorite, whole grain GF bread so far. This bread is my indulgence at $6.99 a loaf but I love toast and eggs for breakfast each morning.

My brother had this disease from when he was a toddler. I watched him deal with this his whole life.  I am blessed to become GF in a time when there is a lot more information & products out there. I wonder how much of my allergy is celiac and how much of it is related to all the chemicals put into wheat and the genetically modified seeds that I am having a reaction to? I will eventually get tested for celiac; for now being GF is what works best for me.

What are your favorite GF foods? What have you figured out about this disease?

A Foodie Tour Of Northwest Arkansas

As you read the title of this post you might be wondering, foodie, Northwest Arkansas? What? I was a skeptic too but I can now safely say some of the best eats in the Mid-South come from this region of Arkansas. Now that I live in Oklahoma, I see Arkansas as a vacation destination. I would have laughed at this just a few years ago, but now living down here I can see why. Northwest Arkansas is rugged and beautiful, and home to the Ozarks,  green and lush and full of flowers, hallows and rivers. There are all kinds of recreation to be had but also fun, little, quirky towns, with cultural sights and charm galore. Believe me you will want to visit if you ever end up near the Mid-South. We took this tour sans kids as an anniversary weekend, though most of the places were kid friendly and I am sure could be enjoyed by families. 

Our foodie tour starts in the quaint college town of Fayetteville. This town definitely has a collegiate feel and also some fun, old Victorian, Southern bungalows and public art  making it feel alternative and funky. The restaurant we stop at is called "Arsaga’s At The Depot." Part cafe, part restaurant The Depot serves up indy, haute cuisine and drinks in a laid back Southern setting. An old train station that houses multiple stores, The Depot is behind the Chipotle and can be recognized for its large planters filled with herbs and veggies they use in the restaurant. Upon entering you are met by a staff in vintage dresses or casual, gender neutral clothing. This place feels like a little bit of Olympia, Washington with a Southern twist. We end up on the patio on a humid 100-degree day, but its shady and large and makes you feel like a southern belle. We order drinks, the Fairchild, perfect for a hot day, a peach, mint and coconut milk drink, and the Japanther, a Japanese cold brew coffee with fruit, both absolutely delicious.

For lunch I get the Redmond, a sandwich specially prepared on a buckwheat crepe since I don't eat gluten. The flavor combinations are exquisite in this sandwich, a combo of modern American, Asian and health nut influences that somehow meld together perfectly. The buckwheat crepe is light and crispy and provides a perfect side bread for the pickled sesame carrots topped with a creamy soft-boiled egg and miso infused sweet potatoes. There is a fresh green sauce that comes along with it and a field greens salad, fresh picked from the side of the restaurant. Daddy got their version of poutine or kimchi fries with brisket; we were blown away by the many combinations of “meal as fries” they had. So tasty! The place backs up against the old train track, which is now a bike path, we explore afterword, taking in the country scenery. This was a lovely city to start our food tour in. 

We next head to Eureka Springs Arkansas. This city is pure magic, a tourist town but super funky, artsy and unique. Chiseled into the side of rock, steep hills make up the geography of a town filled with Victorian buildings, trolley history and eclectic characters. Deep magic pools of cold spring water come pouring out the side of the hills and into gorgeous mini gardens nestled in-between fun touristy shops. We spent our last anniversary here and wanted to come back even if it was just for a day. The town is known for its good dining. 

“Le Stick Nouveau” is a fascinating French restaurant that takes you into the basement of the New Orleans Hotel. All is dark purple, lush and sparkly. A man played an electric violin and we were surrounded by large, billowy curtains pulled back with golden ropes strung with the kind of tassels one always wants to yank. Our waitress was very friendly and recommended a yummy appetizer of thin slices of raw beef that had been smoked. When she came out with the order it was presented in a glass container filled with smoke. Something about the glittery purple ambience, the violin player and the lady in a black corset bringing us a bowl filled with smoke made me feel like I was in a magic show. It was very fun and made me giggle all night. They also insisted on putting daddy's sparkling water on ice and filling it up like a wine glass, which made us laugh. The dish that stuck out the strongest was the duck A LA ‘Orange. This was enchanting; each mouthful more pleasant then the last with potatoes au gratin I wrote the recipe down it was so full of yummy flavor.

We worked off our affordable, enjoyable, French meal with a walk to the Basin Springs Downtown Park. There we were entertained by a hippie kid named Crayola singing with a ukulele and a couple of tango dancers we met last time we were here. We would have spent the night in Eureka Springs but we had tickets to a Chihuly exhibit in Bentonville Arkansas, so we departed at sunset for our Bentonville hotel.

Weird, wonderful and Walmarty Bentonville Arkansas is the birthplace of Walmart. Don’t let that information stop you from checking it out. While the town does have a lot of Walmarts and even a Walmart history museum it is also an international city for business; all the companies trying to sell to Walmart have hubs in Bentonville making it a fairly wealthy and international town. Hence the Chihuly glass exhibit at one of our favorite museums to check out in the area, Crystal Bridges. This museum houses beautiful and classic works of American art. The modern section is on point and the building itself is fascinating. It was built in a minimalist fashion meant to represent mounds of earth surrounding a creek. The harmony of art, architecture and nature is a pleasure to behold. Also Crystal bridges main exhibits are free and a brand new children's museum was built next-door making it a very kid-friendly place to visit. Crystal Bridges is the best reason to come to Bentonville but there are also some delicious eats to be had while in the city.

That morning we awoke to the fact that our hotel did not offer free, continental breakfast. Looking at the menu and the price we knew we could do better. A quick yelp search led us to “The Buttered Biscuit”. As a gluten free (GF) person I was not sure this would be the best place for me to eat but let me tell you I was wrong! They had delectable GF biscuits and gravy on the menu. This place had a French kitchen vibe, all blue, white and gold with chicken imagery in the corners.  The wait was not too long and everyone was friendly, very family oriented, I played with a little boy who was waiting next to me in line. Daddy got The Rue, a hollandaise Benedict with corned beef. I got the Goat Trail, a goat cheese and veggie omelet with a GF biscuit. All was delicious and very filling for our museum day. It was perfectly topped off with Onyx coffee lab bottomless cups of drip coffee. Onyx is a very unique and fancy coffee bar in the downtown square of Bentonville worth checking out. Onyx Coffee Lab makes you feel like you are in a hip, urban city and has all the fancy contraptions for delectable gourmet coffee.

The last stop on our foodie tour is one of our all-time favorites. As I mentioned before Bentonville is an international town and there is specifically a large Indian population. There are many Indian restaurants to choose from but our favorite is called “Flavors Indian Cuisine.” It has all the trappings of good Indian place.  The restaurant is in a strip mall, out of the way, Indian television is playing, the majority of the clientele are Indian and not all the food is labeled in English. This place is a buffet, the grandest buffet I have ever been too. It goes on and on, with different types of food from all the different regions of India. You can get the traditional, northern tikka masala here but also three different kinds of dal as well as dosa, idli and sambar and at least ten varieties of Indian desserts. 

They always have a vegetarian side of the food warmers with such tasty bites as fried ridge gourd, bitter melon curry and banana flower soup. There is also a spicy eggplant dish I delight in. It is best to come to this place hungry and eat your heart out. It could really be a one meal of the day kind of place. As we suck candied fennel on the way home, chai spice still in our mouths, I am pleased to put a bookmark at the end of this foodie tour.

Go to Northwest Arkansas, it is beautiful, full of culture and an un-trampled area for exploring with a flair of southern hospitality and good eating.

Cleaning Out Your Childhood

I just spent a week in my childhood home. It took me to my mid-30s to face the final flotsam and jetsam of my childhood waiting for me in the closet. It took this long partly because I did not want to reclaim my beloved toys without having a solid house to put them in. Now that we have settled for a bit and Sweetpea came of age to actually play with these toys, I saw that it was time. For my mother it had been time for a while. She had been asking me to come get my stuff for years. We headed cross-country this summer with enough space in our car’s trunk for a few of the most valued of my childhood possessions. 

The sorting and trashing of nostalgia is an art form. In the KonMari method of de-cluttering, nostalgia is the last priority one should tackle when getting rid of possessions. Old letters, photos, dear to me trinkets and keepsakes have always had a place in my heart. I was such a romantic/nostalgic kid I would not let anyone throw or give away anything. Luckily I did not have a lot of stuff, but it still could add up. I kept paper bags of chestnuts and crab apples in my room for food in the tiny village games I made up.  I saved locks of hair in envelopes and had a collection of tiny boxes filled with sentimental tiny objects that people had given me or reminded me of places and events in my life. 

As I grew older and became more of an artist the stuff continued to pile up. I kept every issue of Seventeen magazines for collage clippings and every colorful sheet of paper to paint on. As I collected art supplies I also had a large assortment of pen pals, from pre-email days. I loved to gab on the phone with friends but I also loved writing to them and I now have 2 full sized boxes of letters to prove it. Such a treasure trove! There is nothing like old letters to set my cancer heart aflutter. Seeing my friends through words, our experiences together, our hopes and dreams, there really is nothing like it.

I was trying to let go of stuff though, right? Enter the non-nostalgic take care of business parent. This is operation clean out closet, leave no shelf un-dusted. My mission is to leave this place with just 4 boxes of mementos and one dollhouse, go! Luckily, I started the process a few years back when I realized it was time to get my old clutter out of my mom’s house. On that trip I actually went through all the old letters, pouring over the words of dear friends and giggling at a brief affair with a French man who called me Titi. I brought those letters home that trip, now was the time to completely empty the space. Most things were in boxes already but they still needed sorting. With my head and not my heart I sifted through the things that I deemed worth saving and the things that got passed to Goodwill. I often found my self faced with something I had kept for a long time. When I looked at these objects, specifically old works of pottery I had done, I realized the memory of them is what held the meaning. Out of context, actually holding the physical object did not hold the same importance. Many things ended up in the giveaway or throwaway pile that I would have never dreamed of being there before. 

I found the best way to get rid of nostalgic objects is to blow them a kiss as I passed them on. The energy that surrounded them had faded with age, sitting in my old closet for many years. I had very few regrets in this process of purging. There were a couple of handmade stuffed toys that I let go of that I am still thinking about but other then that it was good! It felt right to give new life to an old space. I gave my mother room to move on with that room and do what she would like with it. I am a lucky person to have a family that stayed in the same house through my lifetime, a family that held onto my things till I was ready to purge them. I know a lot of people who did not get that luxury.
Of the things I did keep, I now get to see them be brought back to life, like a “Toys” movie. I get to see my beloved, very 80’s-90’s Barbie dolls being played with by Sweet Pea. I get to see my resurrected old dollhouse in use again, with all its many, miniature, parts.  I still have 2 boxes that are filled with pure nostalgia, one day I might even purge some of them. For now, it is good to hold onto the many layers of self found in old art projects, journals, letters, pictures from my grandmothers and a few of their little trinkets. As long as it is just a few boxes I am ok with keeping them.

I prepped for this trip by working on my daughter’s art projects. From babyhood onward we had amassed a huge amount of sentimental artwork done by her. It seems that every corner of our home was crammed full with boxes and bags of her art projects. I set myself to the task of sorting through and figuring out which pieces were worth keeping and documenting. I wanted to make her a photo book of her best artwork from this early part of her life. What a great way to memorialize the work and let it go, I thought. I had to be very secretive about this process. If Sweetpea even sensed a hint of me trying to recycle anything she made, she was mortally offended. I spent evenings, after bedtime, going thought the bags and hours when she was on play dates, sorting. The whole process for this nostalgic, keep everything parent took a good, solid month. It was hard to see all those bags of her work go into the recycling bin, but when I saw all this open space in the corners of our house, and watched as she busted out 5 new projects in one day alone, I figured we could handle saying goodbye to 3 bags full of 2-year-old scribble art work.

The next big project is going though my artwork, eek! My office closet is filled with old photographic supplies and prints from my early days of photography. I will keep you posted.

Birthdays

I recently watched a Portlandia episode where one of the main characters was making a big deal about her birthday. She was going over the top to celebrate it in all the ways that would delight her. She was drawing  a lot of  attention to herself and really wanting folks to make a big fuss over her. While watching this it drew me into my own birthday reflections. What an interesting moment in time. The moment you were born into the world.  I thought how much I want friends and family to make a fuss over me. How those early baby feelings of being wanted, loved and cooed over come up on this date every year.

At different times I have had amazing birthdays. As a child in Connecticut my mom was skilled at making a really fun home made birthday party based upon my interests at the time. I recall a safari petting zoo theme one year, a boat ride through the Thimble Islands when I was 12 with all my friends, and the traditional cake and play outside when I was little. I went through a lull of big celebrations as a teen. It was hard to figure out how to get together my friends who lived in many different states. One year, my 16^th, was the exception. My friends and mom all met up in New York City and went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and tramped around Soho and Greenwich Village, owning the city. Experiencing NYC with my loved ones felt like the best celebration to me. 

In my early 20’s, while living in Seattle, I had a lovely friend who was great at coming up with big celebrations for me. When I turned 24 I gave her a list of experiences I wanted to have, pet a llama, have a picnic, go to a hot spring. She made a party out of us going on this big adventure into the mountains to a hot spring ending in a llama farm. I also recall being pregnant with Sweetpea and having a Portland birthday adventure. That birthday included a picnic in a park and dancing to Bollywood at a club that night with my big pregnant belly on the dance floor.  I felt free.

By Jessica Foster

Post kids it has been harder to celebrate me. Last night at my birthday potluck as I waited to gather everyone together, the children at the party had their sticky fingers in the ice cream melting around the second layer of my cake. I stood my ground and said “Birthday girl gets the first piece!” but they swarmed like hounds once that piece was cut. Not quite like my birthday the previous year when I turned 35. The adult celebration I got to have when my in laws took the kids. We had wine, viewed my old art school films, folks showed up at 10 pm and the party lingered to midnight. I got a taste of my life pre-children and it was sweet.

As a parent I savor any alone time I get. I am a combo of introvert and extrovert and I find the best way to balance this is by having a good chunk of alone time. As my first birthday present of this year I gifted my self some time sans kids to write at a café. I used these few hours of alone time to contemplate what it means to be in my mid-30s. My 36^th year feels like my adult prime. I think that your 30’s and 40’s are a great time to take charge of the big things you want to do in your life and have the history, clarity and experience of your 20’s to back up your plans. If anything I feel more relaxed, as I get older, that time is expansive and I can have it all just slowly and not all at once.

By Ian Roberts

I am evaluating my life from this new perspective. I find that growing older just makes life better. I am more focused on my goals and less stressed about getting it all done. There was an adrenaline that ran through my 20’s to get everything done and fast. I now have the perspective of time on this planet, time for many things to happen, many wheels to turn, and many projects to develop. My husband has gifted me this ease to some extent. Though he is a master of juggling multiple things as am I, he does not feel that it all needs to happen in a quick way. I see my life unfolding with many delicious treats, at the moment I am in the thick of parenting and starting a business, but I know that I will not always be in this stage of life.

In some ways I can’t wait to get older.  I imagine I will be hitting my stride in all that I am doing and feeling truly in charge of my life. Maybe at that point parenting will become more of a collaboration with my children where I get to guide them more and sideways teach instead of doing so much to keep them afloat. It is good to think into the future and remember that I will reclaim my birthdays again someday and make them all about me. For now I am surrounded by the needy love of young people and it is still sweet.  I love all the homemade gifts, cards, making messy breakfast omelets, drinking sips of coffee in between threading needles for small felt toys.  But I also enjoy sneaking away to enjoy an adult celebration on my own in a café with big windows and small minty, lavender sparkling drinks.

The Self Entertained Kids

 

There is a new phenomenon in modern parenting. The concept that waiting around doing nothing is irrelevant and being self-entertained can only be achieved if one is playing on a screen. Sometimes I think I just hopped on the technology band wagon later than others. But when I look around a restaurant and almost every child is on a screen of some sort, even the babies, I see it as a transformation of the way our culture spends time.

I am not against technology. I use it frequently for entertainment, to promote my business, to stay in touch with long distance friends, and even to make art. The thing I have issue with is when and where to put the technology down. Most people think of their smart phones as an extension of their body. No longer do people ask each other for the time, when a bus is coming or, what the weather is doing. Why would you when you have your own personal computer with all your questions answerable at your fingertips?  It makes for a quiet in public space that can feel isolating, insular and non-adaptable. 

I recently went on a camping trip with a few other families. These families have prioritized low amounts of screen time for their kids. They believe in having experiences and being outside, and that one can be self-entertained without screens. The children we camped with ranged in age from 20 months (my little pickle) to 15 years old. There were 10 of them total. These kids were some of the coolest I have hung out with in awhile. Its not like they were spending all their time hanging with us adults; they immediately formed their own pack and had adventures galore. The entertainment was a little rowboat on a shallow creek, a beach of rocks, sticks, pools of water in-between boulders and the fun of a tent full of sleeping bags and camp paraphernalia

We made a fire and roasted different foods on it, we told stories at night and watched the stars. It was dreamy. When they weren’t all playing together in a pack I saw the older kids reading on a camp chair and fishing. One afternoon Little Pickle took a stick and poked it in holes where some bugs were nesting. She was at this for a full half hour while I got some writing done near by. At one point they set up a balance beam with two ropes strung between two trees, and all afternoon the kids took turns walking across. Two pieces of rope was all they needed to have a blast.

Witnessing children of a wide range of ages being self entertained with almost nothing was a revelation for me. I often see very young children able to be happy with just about anything, though it seems that at some point as they get older the technology becomes more enticing and their ability to be satisfied with simple tools stops working. We have all seen the kids who become a complete mess without their Ipad or a movie playing at all times. I have also witnessed the adult who completely freaks out when they can’t find their phone or the battery dies. I have regularly seen adults on Facebook during church services.

After our sweet weekend in the woods we went home and decided to treat ourselves to lunch at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. We don’t eat out a lot so we were all excited. Our table was chatty, usually Sweetpea has some great question we all get to ponder. Little Pickle was hungry, so she was able to sit still for a longer period and enjoy her food. We were all glowing from our long weekend outside. I peered at the booth behind ours, a family of four with two young children was sitting there, and all of them had screens. The baby had an Ipad propped up and was watching a show while he ate, the 3 year old also had an Ipad he looked like he was playing a game on, both parents had out their phones. The table was mostly silent as they all sat together having lunch out completely immersed in their screens.

I know I do not have the whole story, I have no idea what these kids are like and I certainly know how hard it is to be a parent and need a break. But this seems extreme to me. What kind of example are we setting when no one talks to each other and even the very young and impressionable are connecting with virtual reality instead of the people around them? I mostly felt sad for what they were missing. The chance to have family discussion, get to know each other more, engage with the people you chose to create your life with. At another table a 6 month old was being entertained on a phone while the parents ate. Is this the new normal? Remember when there used to be no cell phone signs at restaurants?  

I am calling for a reversal of the current trend. I want to see bored kids, kids that are bored enough to get creative and create really cool stuff from their boredom. I want to see more reading with actually books. I want to see adults and children engaged with the outside world not tinkering away on smart phones obsessing over the latest horrific news story. I want to see more random conversations with people around you, awkward dialogues about the weather, what is happening in your neighborhoods and how to make things better where you are, right here, in the present.

How do you get your child to be self-entertained you may ask? Well, it’s a belief to start out with, a belief that your child will figure it out. That it doesn’t have to be a screen to entertain you and them, that there is a vast imagination waiting to be tapped and a wealth of engagement in the everyday. It is also about setting an example. Choosing to not always turn to your phone for info, kinship and boredom. This is a hard one for me too. I am still learning.

On road trips Sweetpea does what she has always done since we started taking her on epic road trips, she stares out the window. She has an assortment of small toys, some snacks, and a sketchbook. Our big splurge is a sticker book; this keeps her entertained for literally hours. At restaurants we talk to her, and if we want adult dialogue we pass her an activity book and she doodles on it. It can really be that simple. If she wants screen time at home she typically has to do a set of chores and wait till her sister is napping. The only exception is when she is sick then she gets to watch a bunch of television. I really encourage all parents to get away from the screens, you and your children don’t need them, you will be happier with less screen time. Lets get back to the rhythm of a less virtual age. 

Rhythm and Intention

As a parent it is second nature for me to take care of people. Figuring out how to balance my needs and my children’s/families needs is my life’s work. Finding time for each important thing and being fully present is my ultimate goal. The difficult thing about finding balance while parenting is that parenting is innately imbalanced. Just as you think your getting over the curve of yet another phase, a new one side swipes you and you have to figure out how to live in temporary insanity. Parenting keeps me on my toes, ready for the next wave of change, the next desire to absorb, learn and grow from.

In my current job as a preschool teacher I see the ebb and flow of life all day long. The rhythm of our day is essential. We are always thinking well about everyone's bodies, needs, sensory experiences including our own as caregivers. The whole program is set up so that we are properly nourished, infused with warmth and nurturing and taken through the progression of a day slowly. We thoughtfully transition from one thing to the next. In a capitalist society that is always saying go, go, go, it feels like entering into another world to focus on the essential tasks of simple daily living. It is kind of blowing my mind. 

I started working at Roots of Wonder, a Waldorf inspired, mostly outdoors pre-school last fall. At first it was just weekly observation, being in the classroom and getting to know the children. In the new year I am now a daily caregiver taking on a co-worker’s maternity leave. At Roots the theory is we can create a rhythm that flows seamlessly through our time, one that includes what they call “in breath” and “out breath.” Everyone is held by the rhythm and feels nurtured so there is little interference. We get to play as adults, children are given time indoors and outdoors, they are nurtured with wholesome homemade food they help make with the knowledge adults are close by but not interfering with their work or confrontations. Mostly we let the children settle their disagreements and stay close by in case they ask for help. One of my roles is to hold space for the little ones by doing my handwork. I sit in a rocker and mend holes in socks that have sat for months collecting dust waiting to be mended at home. Now my work provides time for me to take care of the clothing that needs mending. It also provides a chance for children to see me fully engaged in in a task, a task worthy of them mimicking. I get to use my creative mind and learn to knit. I get to make beautiful hand made things letting the aura of inspiration shine on the little souls around me.

We teach in a forest sanctuary, a man made forest in the back yard of some dreamers who decided to create a bird and butterfly habitat fifty years ago in midtown Tulsa. The trees are tall, birdbaths abound, and one of my jobs is tending to the birds with the young people. We check the baths each day, taking out leaves and breaking up chunks of ice. We refill the bird feeders with seed. We offer thanks to our feathered friends. We learn about what birds and squirrels use our feeders and teach in a sideways style. Learning by doing, learning through play outside.

Incorporating life experience into my day while working with young people feels natural, like being at home. Sweeping of the floor is just as important a life skill as tying a shoelace. Knowing the cardinals behavior is just as important as learning the alphabet. Teaching in this environment gives me a chance to have some balance, sharing a long conversation over rice cakes and almond butter with my co-workers and the young people, singing them through each transition and using theatrics to learn life skills at story time. 

We create a seasonal program where we learn the importance of dressing warmly in winter and the magic of the tale of Jack Frost’s bite. We learn about how robins stay warm in winter and how to chop wood for a fire to keep warm. I love pretending to be father winter through the play of a story circle I get to imagine myself as a strong, burly, man of winter with my axe. I channel dwarf energy as I haul huge crumbly logs to create a retention border for our mammoth sand box. I tell the children I chipped way my home from rocks called Basalt. Embodying these characters brings me as much delight as it does them.   

I also get to bring Little Pickle with me! This is the icing on the cake. So many of my jobs lead me to these fun experiences that I wish my family could benefit from. At Roots of Wonder Little Pickle is by my side, getting a chance to be in nature for a good part of her day. She is watching her mom relaxed, supporting other children and her too. Its not always perfectly easy having her there but it also feels right that we get to be in this experience together.
I am still figuring out balance in my life. It is nice working at a place where the whole circle of life is well thought of, that we get to be parents and caregivers and weave magic in our time together.