Last
Friday I put my baby into the loving arms of her Cece and pulled away from the
parking lot crying my eyes out. I am now officially a working mama again. I
spent all week prepping for the day. Having stress dreams. Trying to pump
everyday, buying that just in case can of formula, and generally worrying about
missing my little one, leaving her when she is so young, the guilt, etc. etc.
So yes there were a lot of tears and fears but Little Pickle ultimately was
fine. She was with grandma all day and grandma did beautifully. Filling me in
with reports about feeding and pooping and smiling awake time.
I
dutifully pumped my milk with two breaks in an 8-hour period. Though I was only
able to pump 12 ounces at the end of the day. Sense I was not sure how much she
would eat when I was away I felt like a failure. The added guilt of being a mom
of two and comparing how I did it with the first did not help. I went back to
work when Sweetpea was 2 ½ and breast-fed her till then. Though it was great
being able to be full time with Sweetpea as a baby it was also super hard on
our family. We were barely making it and stressed often about how we would be
able to live on one income. I vowed to do things differently with our second
child and I also already had this great job going into pregnancy this time around.
The
milk production was also fine. I came home and had several bags of milk still
in the fridge. 12 ounces is about what she eats when she is away from me.
Success!!
 | |
| By Alison Bechdel |
Day
two was easier. She was home with daddy, I knew she would have enough milk it
was ok. I still cried when I left her but I was not pining for my baby the way
I felt the first day. It was kind of nice to miss her and be so excited to see
her at the end of the day. When I got home I rubbed her soft elbows and knees,
I smelled her head and breast-fed her. I strapped her on and had a dance party
with Sweetpea while daddy went and had some self-time. I bought easy food to
make for dinner those two days so there would be no resentments about dinner
being made. I also ate a protein bar and chugged water on the way home to make
sure I was in a good and ready place upon arrival.
 |
| By Jenn Borton |
Work
was busy and easy to take over my mind. When it got slow later in the day I
kept my eye on the prize, I am making money so my family can live, so we can
not get into anymore debt so we can pay the bills, get groceries and car gas.
This made me happy to know I can provide for them. It is also good for me to be
a part of something out side the home. To tend to my creative mind in
programming at the garden, to go for quiet walks on the property, to be the PR
face of a place I believe in and get to make people excited about. My work is
not always glamorous, it does not pay amazingly well, sometimes its really
annoying answering the same questions over and over but it still meets a
creative need within me and is also ever changing making me more inventive and
flexible.
I
staggered going back to work 15 hours in August then 30 onward. We are on the
cusp of having all of Little Pickles childcare worked out for fall, which leads
me to feeling more grounded about it. There is an ocean of change occurring
within our home but we are good at change, we are an adaptable family. Before she was born I saw
Little Pickle weaving her way smoothly into our family culture. I read about
early sleep teaching and had a plan to be more relaxed with this one. Our
Little Pickle has done exceedingly well working by our side. She knows where
she belongs and I am so thankful for this.
