In all my wildest imaginings of where I would find home I did not expect to find myself in Tulsa Oklahoma. I have chosen to have a place and community I call my own regardless of where it is. I have lived many places in my life, mostly in the Northern states. I grew up in New Haven, Connecticut. As a teen I spent a lot of my time on a Metro North train bound for New York City exploring the city with a tight circle of friends in the surrounding Tri-state area. As a young adult with a taste for adventure I moved myself across the country to Seattle where rainbow flags lined the streets and the breath taking beauty of the natural world made me vibrate with emotion. While nannying on the side I would save all my money and go travel in Europe and South America.
After becoming a parent my priorities changed. I wanted family, I wanted people that were as dedicated to raising my kids as I was. I flirted with the idea of returning to the land my people are from. Though I grew up in the North, my parents are from this Southern land. My husband’s family lives in Tulsa. For a soft move to see if we could really live in this part of the country we moved to Austin, Texas. It is a reclaiming of my heritage to return to the south. While in Austin I watched as the tech industry took over this small, hip town. I really liked the city but watched as the rent price went up and my neighborhood became too expensive to live in. This is when Tulsa started looking like the right place for us to live.
My new home is buried deep in the Mid-South in a red state, and so be it. I say screw moving for a job, screw the idea of moving to the over inflated markets of hip, liberal, coastal cities and living dirt poor under the confines of cool. Screw all that, I am moving to Tulsa. I am excited, exploring like a little worm investigating the interior of a ripe apple. What layers does this city hold for me? What opportunities can our family glean from this place? What can I bring here? These questions lie on the surface of this overwhelming sensation of, I am home! I don’t have to move again!
I chose simplicity, a life based on connection to loved
ones, a do-able place where I don't have to live on the edge and can write from
the fringe. A place I can afford to live in and be able to buy tickets to visit
the people I love in those above-mentioned hip, liberal, coastal cities. It is
a relieving feeling having a place called home. My cancer crab nature has been
looking for roots my whole adult life.
I live now in the land of my husband’s family. I live in the
state my dad was raised in. I am circling back into a web that I cast aside in
my younger adulthood. I want my kids to know their grandparents. I want to have
big family dinners and be able to know that people here have my family’s back.
These desires outweighed the red flag warnings of moving to a place where I
knew I would be fish out of water. In Tulsa my punk/queer history could easily
slip under the surface and into hiding.
Going undercover with my radical nature has been a part of living in the South. I had to get used to this upon moving to Texas a few years ago. I am now more selective with whom I share what. When I was younger it was all about in-your-face confrontation. Living on the edge meant being your self no matter what. Now I see I can be myself and not share all that comes into my head. I can think my opinions and still get along with folks very different from me. This is a great skill to adopt.
In some ways this place is sheltered
from the harsh realities of a competitive city. Tulsa says: “welcome! Here is a
new opportunity or possibility for you.” And Ha! In my face! It can be hip
here. Tulsa has a thriving alternative scene complete with artists, climate
change activists, hippie farmers, entrepreneurial young couples and pug lovers.
Not as many radicals as in the Northwest, but still freaky people choosing to
live here.
One of the biggest differences I notice
is the lack of transplants here. Spending all my 20's and late teens in the
transient North West it is so odd for me to be around all these people that
come from this place. There are also folks that never left. I have seen
stylish, young Okies selling fermented preserves, sporting handle bar mustaches
and wearing ironic T-shirts like the best of them never having left their
hometown. There is a lot of hometown pride here. I see many a shoulder adorned
with a tattoo that outlines the state with a heart over Tulsa.
When I move to a place I learn all about
it. I study the history, culture, and
natural marvels of the place. Tulsa is old. The actual rock that makes up the
land is filled with fossilized shells. Prairie grass still rolls around some
parts of North East Oklahoma. They call this land Green Country. The wind can
howl through you and bring with it the cold weather. There is a Lesser Prairie
Chicken Festival. Where the attendees watch as a Prairie Chicken “displays” on
its gobbling grounds. One day I will make it to this festival and chortle
happily.
This place is native as well. Native
American culture surrounds the dominating white culture. I thought of this a
lot when I first moved here. Making connections into the Native community is
important to me, but it has not been easy. It is easy to surround myself in
predominantly white culture and forgot about the fact that this is Native land.
I feel it even more living in Indian Territory and seeing tribal plates
everywhere. I notice it when I see
entering and existing reservation signs on the roadside. What does it mean to
enter Cherokee land? Land that was given to Cherokees that was not even their
ancestral land? I am 1/16th Cherokee and I am still figuring out what that
means and how to claim it as a person of the predominant white culture while
still being real.
I have gotten good at moving and remaining authentically me no matter where I live. I still feel a part of the East coast and West coast within me. I carry both cultures as well as a good Southern twang now. After a couple of years here, I have settled in, and it seems that Tulsa and I have blended. We have grown together. Maybe my edgy east coastness has been toned down, and maybe Tulsa has taken a step towards being a touch more liberal. Maybe I just fell in with the right crowd. I believe it is a combination of all these things. Something about getting older has made me feel more grounded in the person I am, not striving anymore to be something greater, or in a particular culture that I have to fit into. I am home for now and it feels so good.
