Cleaning Out Your Childhood

I just spent a week in my childhood home. It took me to my mid-30s to face the final flotsam and jetsam of my childhood waiting for me in the closet. It took this long partly because I did not want to reclaim my beloved toys without having a solid house to put them in. Now that we have settled for a bit and Sweetpea came of age to actually play with these toys, I saw that it was time. For my mother it had been time for a while. She had been asking me to come get my stuff for years. We headed cross-country this summer with enough space in our car’s trunk for a few of the most valued of my childhood possessions. 

The sorting and trashing of nostalgia is an art form. In the KonMari method of de-cluttering, nostalgia is the last priority one should tackle when getting rid of possessions. Old letters, photos, dear to me trinkets and keepsakes have always had a place in my heart. I was such a romantic/nostalgic kid I would not let anyone throw or give away anything. Luckily I did not have a lot of stuff, but it still could add up. I kept paper bags of chestnuts and crab apples in my room for food in the tiny village games I made up.  I saved locks of hair in envelopes and had a collection of tiny boxes filled with sentimental tiny objects that people had given me or reminded me of places and events in my life. 

As I grew older and became more of an artist the stuff continued to pile up. I kept every issue of Seventeen magazines for collage clippings and every colorful sheet of paper to paint on. As I collected art supplies I also had a large assortment of pen pals, from pre-email days. I loved to gab on the phone with friends but I also loved writing to them and I now have 2 full sized boxes of letters to prove it. Such a treasure trove! There is nothing like old letters to set my cancer heart aflutter. Seeing my friends through words, our experiences together, our hopes and dreams, there really is nothing like it.

I was trying to let go of stuff though, right? Enter the non-nostalgic take care of business parent. This is operation clean out closet, leave no shelf un-dusted. My mission is to leave this place with just 4 boxes of mementos and one dollhouse, go! Luckily, I started the process a few years back when I realized it was time to get my old clutter out of my mom’s house. On that trip I actually went through all the old letters, pouring over the words of dear friends and giggling at a brief affair with a French man who called me Titi. I brought those letters home that trip, now was the time to completely empty the space. Most things were in boxes already but they still needed sorting. With my head and not my heart I sifted through the things that I deemed worth saving and the things that got passed to Goodwill. I often found my self faced with something I had kept for a long time. When I looked at these objects, specifically old works of pottery I had done, I realized the memory of them is what held the meaning. Out of context, actually holding the physical object did not hold the same importance. Many things ended up in the giveaway or throwaway pile that I would have never dreamed of being there before. 

I found the best way to get rid of nostalgic objects is to blow them a kiss as I passed them on. The energy that surrounded them had faded with age, sitting in my old closet for many years. I had very few regrets in this process of purging. There were a couple of handmade stuffed toys that I let go of that I am still thinking about but other then that it was good! It felt right to give new life to an old space. I gave my mother room to move on with that room and do what she would like with it. I am a lucky person to have a family that stayed in the same house through my lifetime, a family that held onto my things till I was ready to purge them. I know a lot of people who did not get that luxury.
Of the things I did keep, I now get to see them be brought back to life, like a “Toys” movie. I get to see my beloved, very 80’s-90’s Barbie dolls being played with by Sweet Pea. I get to see my resurrected old dollhouse in use again, with all its many, miniature, parts.  I still have 2 boxes that are filled with pure nostalgia, one day I might even purge some of them. For now, it is good to hold onto the many layers of self found in old art projects, journals, letters, pictures from my grandmothers and a few of their little trinkets. As long as it is just a few boxes I am ok with keeping them.

I prepped for this trip by working on my daughter’s art projects. From babyhood onward we had amassed a huge amount of sentimental artwork done by her. It seems that every corner of our home was crammed full with boxes and bags of her art projects. I set myself to the task of sorting through and figuring out which pieces were worth keeping and documenting. I wanted to make her a photo book of her best artwork from this early part of her life. What a great way to memorialize the work and let it go, I thought. I had to be very secretive about this process. If Sweetpea even sensed a hint of me trying to recycle anything she made, she was mortally offended. I spent evenings, after bedtime, going thought the bags and hours when she was on play dates, sorting. The whole process for this nostalgic, keep everything parent took a good, solid month. It was hard to see all those bags of her work go into the recycling bin, but when I saw all this open space in the corners of our house, and watched as she busted out 5 new projects in one day alone, I figured we could handle saying goodbye to 3 bags full of 2-year-old scribble art work.

The next big project is going though my artwork, eek! My office closet is filled with old photographic supplies and prints from my early days of photography. I will keep you posted.

Birthdays

I recently watched a Portlandia episode where one of the main characters was making a big deal about her birthday. She was going over the top to celebrate it in all the ways that would delight her. She was drawing  a lot of  attention to herself and really wanting folks to make a big fuss over her. While watching this it drew me into my own birthday reflections. What an interesting moment in time. The moment you were born into the world.  I thought how much I want friends and family to make a fuss over me. How those early baby feelings of being wanted, loved and cooed over come up on this date every year.

At different times I have had amazing birthdays. As a child in Connecticut my mom was skilled at making a really fun home made birthday party based upon my interests at the time. I recall a safari petting zoo theme one year, a boat ride through the Thimble Islands when I was 12 with all my friends, and the traditional cake and play outside when I was little. I went through a lull of big celebrations as a teen. It was hard to figure out how to get together my friends who lived in many different states. One year, my 16^th, was the exception. My friends and mom all met up in New York City and went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and tramped around Soho and Greenwich Village, owning the city. Experiencing NYC with my loved ones felt like the best celebration to me. 

In my early 20’s, while living in Seattle, I had a lovely friend who was great at coming up with big celebrations for me. When I turned 24 I gave her a list of experiences I wanted to have, pet a llama, have a picnic, go to a hot spring. She made a party out of us going on this big adventure into the mountains to a hot spring ending in a llama farm. I also recall being pregnant with Sweetpea and having a Portland birthday adventure. That birthday included a picnic in a park and dancing to Bollywood at a club that night with my big pregnant belly on the dance floor.  I felt free.

By Jessica Foster

Post kids it has been harder to celebrate me. Last night at my birthday potluck as I waited to gather everyone together, the children at the party had their sticky fingers in the ice cream melting around the second layer of my cake. I stood my ground and said “Birthday girl gets the first piece!” but they swarmed like hounds once that piece was cut. Not quite like my birthday the previous year when I turned 35. The adult celebration I got to have when my in laws took the kids. We had wine, viewed my old art school films, folks showed up at 10 pm and the party lingered to midnight. I got a taste of my life pre-children and it was sweet.

As a parent I savor any alone time I get. I am a combo of introvert and extrovert and I find the best way to balance this is by having a good chunk of alone time. As my first birthday present of this year I gifted my self some time sans kids to write at a café. I used these few hours of alone time to contemplate what it means to be in my mid-30s. My 36^th year feels like my adult prime. I think that your 30’s and 40’s are a great time to take charge of the big things you want to do in your life and have the history, clarity and experience of your 20’s to back up your plans. If anything I feel more relaxed, as I get older, that time is expansive and I can have it all just slowly and not all at once.

By Ian Roberts

I am evaluating my life from this new perspective. I find that growing older just makes life better. I am more focused on my goals and less stressed about getting it all done. There was an adrenaline that ran through my 20’s to get everything done and fast. I now have the perspective of time on this planet, time for many things to happen, many wheels to turn, and many projects to develop. My husband has gifted me this ease to some extent. Though he is a master of juggling multiple things as am I, he does not feel that it all needs to happen in a quick way. I see my life unfolding with many delicious treats, at the moment I am in the thick of parenting and starting a business, but I know that I will not always be in this stage of life.

In some ways I can’t wait to get older.  I imagine I will be hitting my stride in all that I am doing and feeling truly in charge of my life. Maybe at that point parenting will become more of a collaboration with my children where I get to guide them more and sideways teach instead of doing so much to keep them afloat. It is good to think into the future and remember that I will reclaim my birthdays again someday and make them all about me. For now I am surrounded by the needy love of young people and it is still sweet.  I love all the homemade gifts, cards, making messy breakfast omelets, drinking sips of coffee in between threading needles for small felt toys.  But I also enjoy sneaking away to enjoy an adult celebration on my own in a café with big windows and small minty, lavender sparkling drinks.

The Self Entertained Kids

 

There is a new phenomenon in modern parenting. The concept that waiting around doing nothing is irrelevant and being self-entertained can only be achieved if one is playing on a screen. Sometimes I think I just hopped on the technology band wagon later than others. But when I look around a restaurant and almost every child is on a screen of some sort, even the babies, I see it as a transformation of the way our culture spends time.

I am not against technology. I use it frequently for entertainment, to promote my business, to stay in touch with long distance friends, and even to make art. The thing I have issue with is when and where to put the technology down. Most people think of their smart phones as an extension of their body. No longer do people ask each other for the time, when a bus is coming or, what the weather is doing. Why would you when you have your own personal computer with all your questions answerable at your fingertips?  It makes for a quiet in public space that can feel isolating, insular and non-adaptable. 

I recently went on a camping trip with a few other families. These families have prioritized low amounts of screen time for their kids. They believe in having experiences and being outside, and that one can be self-entertained without screens. The children we camped with ranged in age from 20 months (my little pickle) to 15 years old. There were 10 of them total. These kids were some of the coolest I have hung out with in awhile. Its not like they were spending all their time hanging with us adults; they immediately formed their own pack and had adventures galore. The entertainment was a little rowboat on a shallow creek, a beach of rocks, sticks, pools of water in-between boulders and the fun of a tent full of sleeping bags and camp paraphernalia

We made a fire and roasted different foods on it, we told stories at night and watched the stars. It was dreamy. When they weren’t all playing together in a pack I saw the older kids reading on a camp chair and fishing. One afternoon Little Pickle took a stick and poked it in holes where some bugs were nesting. She was at this for a full half hour while I got some writing done near by. At one point they set up a balance beam with two ropes strung between two trees, and all afternoon the kids took turns walking across. Two pieces of rope was all they needed to have a blast.

Witnessing children of a wide range of ages being self entertained with almost nothing was a revelation for me. I often see very young children able to be happy with just about anything, though it seems that at some point as they get older the technology becomes more enticing and their ability to be satisfied with simple tools stops working. We have all seen the kids who become a complete mess without their Ipad or a movie playing at all times. I have also witnessed the adult who completely freaks out when they can’t find their phone or the battery dies. I have regularly seen adults on Facebook during church services.

After our sweet weekend in the woods we went home and decided to treat ourselves to lunch at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. We don’t eat out a lot so we were all excited. Our table was chatty, usually Sweetpea has some great question we all get to ponder. Little Pickle was hungry, so she was able to sit still for a longer period and enjoy her food. We were all glowing from our long weekend outside. I peered at the booth behind ours, a family of four with two young children was sitting there, and all of them had screens. The baby had an Ipad propped up and was watching a show while he ate, the 3 year old also had an Ipad he looked like he was playing a game on, both parents had out their phones. The table was mostly silent as they all sat together having lunch out completely immersed in their screens.

I know I do not have the whole story, I have no idea what these kids are like and I certainly know how hard it is to be a parent and need a break. But this seems extreme to me. What kind of example are we setting when no one talks to each other and even the very young and impressionable are connecting with virtual reality instead of the people around them? I mostly felt sad for what they were missing. The chance to have family discussion, get to know each other more, engage with the people you chose to create your life with. At another table a 6 month old was being entertained on a phone while the parents ate. Is this the new normal? Remember when there used to be no cell phone signs at restaurants?  

I am calling for a reversal of the current trend. I want to see bored kids, kids that are bored enough to get creative and create really cool stuff from their boredom. I want to see more reading with actually books. I want to see adults and children engaged with the outside world not tinkering away on smart phones obsessing over the latest horrific news story. I want to see more random conversations with people around you, awkward dialogues about the weather, what is happening in your neighborhoods and how to make things better where you are, right here, in the present.

How do you get your child to be self-entertained you may ask? Well, it’s a belief to start out with, a belief that your child will figure it out. That it doesn’t have to be a screen to entertain you and them, that there is a vast imagination waiting to be tapped and a wealth of engagement in the everyday. It is also about setting an example. Choosing to not always turn to your phone for info, kinship and boredom. This is a hard one for me too. I am still learning.

On road trips Sweetpea does what she has always done since we started taking her on epic road trips, she stares out the window. She has an assortment of small toys, some snacks, and a sketchbook. Our big splurge is a sticker book; this keeps her entertained for literally hours. At restaurants we talk to her, and if we want adult dialogue we pass her an activity book and she doodles on it. It can really be that simple. If she wants screen time at home she typically has to do a set of chores and wait till her sister is napping. The only exception is when she is sick then she gets to watch a bunch of television. I really encourage all parents to get away from the screens, you and your children don’t need them, you will be happier with less screen time. Lets get back to the rhythm of a less virtual age. 

Rhythm and Intention

As a parent it is second nature for me to take care of people. Figuring out how to balance my needs and my children’s/families needs is my life’s work. Finding time for each important thing and being fully present is my ultimate goal. The difficult thing about finding balance while parenting is that parenting is innately imbalanced. Just as you think your getting over the curve of yet another phase, a new one side swipes you and you have to figure out how to live in temporary insanity. Parenting keeps me on my toes, ready for the next wave of change, the next desire to absorb, learn and grow from.

In my current job as a preschool teacher I see the ebb and flow of life all day long. The rhythm of our day is essential. We are always thinking well about everyone's bodies, needs, sensory experiences including our own as caregivers. The whole program is set up so that we are properly nourished, infused with warmth and nurturing and taken through the progression of a day slowly. We thoughtfully transition from one thing to the next. In a capitalist society that is always saying go, go, go, it feels like entering into another world to focus on the essential tasks of simple daily living. It is kind of blowing my mind. 

I started working at Roots of Wonder, a Waldorf inspired, mostly outdoors pre-school last fall. At first it was just weekly observation, being in the classroom and getting to know the children. In the new year I am now a daily caregiver taking on a co-worker’s maternity leave. At Roots the theory is we can create a rhythm that flows seamlessly through our time, one that includes what they call “in breath” and “out breath.” Everyone is held by the rhythm and feels nurtured so there is little interference. We get to play as adults, children are given time indoors and outdoors, they are nurtured with wholesome homemade food they help make with the knowledge adults are close by but not interfering with their work or confrontations. Mostly we let the children settle their disagreements and stay close by in case they ask for help. One of my roles is to hold space for the little ones by doing my handwork. I sit in a rocker and mend holes in socks that have sat for months collecting dust waiting to be mended at home. Now my work provides time for me to take care of the clothing that needs mending. It also provides a chance for children to see me fully engaged in in a task, a task worthy of them mimicking. I get to use my creative mind and learn to knit. I get to make beautiful hand made things letting the aura of inspiration shine on the little souls around me.

We teach in a forest sanctuary, a man made forest in the back yard of some dreamers who decided to create a bird and butterfly habitat fifty years ago in midtown Tulsa. The trees are tall, birdbaths abound, and one of my jobs is tending to the birds with the young people. We check the baths each day, taking out leaves and breaking up chunks of ice. We refill the bird feeders with seed. We offer thanks to our feathered friends. We learn about what birds and squirrels use our feeders and teach in a sideways style. Learning by doing, learning through play outside.

Incorporating life experience into my day while working with young people feels natural, like being at home. Sweeping of the floor is just as important a life skill as tying a shoelace. Knowing the cardinals behavior is just as important as learning the alphabet. Teaching in this environment gives me a chance to have some balance, sharing a long conversation over rice cakes and almond butter with my co-workers and the young people, singing them through each transition and using theatrics to learn life skills at story time. 

We create a seasonal program where we learn the importance of dressing warmly in winter and the magic of the tale of Jack Frost’s bite. We learn about how robins stay warm in winter and how to chop wood for a fire to keep warm. I love pretending to be father winter through the play of a story circle I get to imagine myself as a strong, burly, man of winter with my axe. I channel dwarf energy as I haul huge crumbly logs to create a retention border for our mammoth sand box. I tell the children I chipped way my home from rocks called Basalt. Embodying these characters brings me as much delight as it does them.   

I also get to bring Little Pickle with me! This is the icing on the cake. So many of my jobs lead me to these fun experiences that I wish my family could benefit from. At Roots of Wonder Little Pickle is by my side, getting a chance to be in nature for a good part of her day. She is watching her mom relaxed, supporting other children and her too. Its not always perfectly easy having her there but it also feels right that we get to be in this experience together.
I am still figuring out balance in my life. It is nice working at a place where the whole circle of life is well thought of, that we get to be parents and caregivers and weave magic in our time together.

    

Standing Up Against Hate

I have been disheartened, disenchanted and stuck in the mud this last week. I realized how much of a bubble I live in and how much denial I was in that people would honestly elect Donald Trump. My heart hurts that bigots are smearing their hate in Trumps name feeling like they have won. The mean streak this week in the USA is sickening. We are stuck in a new world where the only answer is action. I wanted the transition of power to be more gentle than this but it’s not going to be and not settling for hate is the new mentality I have to embrace. Of course this is not a new mentality. As a woman raised in a sexist society I have had to take this approach to life over and over again. In fact Trump winning only puts into perspective all the times I have felt like the bully won. His rise to power reminded me of all the times I saw an unqualified male leader take dominance in my life and make things hard for me. After crying a bunch about these early experiences I was able to get a clearer perspective on the current situation. My biggest skill in this new world is being a good listener and showing up. 

I am a mother of two young children. I parent them solo a lot of the time and most evenings. I have to make focused decisions on the right kind of actions and demonstrations to take for them too. I will have to notice, which move will be about love, strength, and caring versus anger, dejection and fighting. I also have to be a steadfast beam of hopeful light in this dark and divisive sea. I already feel like I have said to too much in front of them. I will have to apologize a lot in the coming months as my emotions run towards the same hate I am preaching against. The people that voted for Trump are not the problem. These people actually want change as much as I do. I just want to go about it in a different way. I want a world where we live in harmony with nature, where money is not at the center of our universe and instead caring for each other and the planet are the most important things.

I got a bee in my bonnet last week. I was ready to take action. A friend sent me a Facebook message. The event was a chance to show solidarity to our Muslim neighbors. The organization CAIR Oklahoma was having a gala honoring Muslim Americans. The task was to welcome them to the event. We wanted to say we don't believe in Trump's agenda and we care about you and will stand up to people that throw hate in your direction.

The second I walked down the escalator to the event center with my two lovely daughters in my arms and by my side, tears came into my eyes. The hallway was lined with 100's of people from all walks of life spreading their message of love. These folks were just like me, sickened by the week’s events and trying to do something. 

I decided the kids could be a little extra tired that night. I would go and see how peaceful it was and leave if I felt like the children or I were in any danger. I decided it was ok for my back to hurt holding my 17 month old in a front carrier standing the whole time. I called my friends ahead of time and made sure they were going with their kids so Sweetpea would have others to play with. I decided that doing something was a lot better then hiding out in my home, overdosing on social media, sugar and fear.

It made a difference. Sometimes you do something and it’s hard to tell what difference you made. This can lead to discouragement and makes it hard to do more things. This event showed me how huge this was for this group of people. Holding signs stating  "Your voice is heard," "We welcome you as neighbors and friends" and "We will not let them target you." I watched as the attendees of the event walked up and down the hallway, glowing with tears in their eyes. I was hugged; people kissed my children and thanked them and me for being there. Some attendees walked down the hall with their phones on video broadcasting our action for all their community to see. They walked down the tunnel of love and respect we made for them. I was over come with emotion. Spreading love is the real power. Standing by people's side that are targeted with oppression, saying I will not stand for this is how we will get our message across.

We are bigger then the haters in this country right now. We are better equipped and more organized than we ever have been before. Americans don't want Trump, they want change and we on the left are now charged with the task of insuring that change is for the better. I am a mostly white European decent middle class female; other than sexism I could easily hide from the abuse. I am choosing not to. This is a choice I will have to make regularly these days. I will not stay silent.  Trump is not my president; he never will be.

Adult Unschooling

Definition of Unschooling: An educational method and philosophy that advocates learner-chosen activities as a primary means for learning.

By Diala Brisly

One cold, January morning earlier this year, I told my partner, “let’s take this year to get our finances in order, no big trips, just focus on work that will pay off our debt and get us in a better place to do more of the things we want.” It sounded good to both of us. I was a little sad to put off seeing family and friends we love far away, but felt I was making the proper kind of adult decision a family with small children should make. Then life happened. My job became something I didn't want to do anymore. I got so inspired by the book I was listening to, "Last Child in the Woods," that I decided I couldn't wait any longer to follow my life path of teaching the skills of sustainability and living in connection with the earth.

I struck out, I quit my job and went rogue. I started my own business: Under The Canopy.  I am in month four of being a small business owner and it is going well. Currently, Under The Canopy consists of two after school programs and a series of workshops. I hold all my classes outside teaching about nature and how to connect to a deeper sense of place. It is a lot of work, but my passions in the driver’s seat and my family is supporting me. 

I can see how a life of unschooling has led me to this point. As a teenager I dropped out of mainstream education. I was thirteen and my mom and I decided I could take a "break" for 8th grade. I was unhappy at school. I always struggled with the way school was taught and I also was having trouble with the social dynamics of the middle school we chose. I went from a sweet public elementary down the street from my house, to a stiff upper-lipped prep school in another town where I knew no one. In elementary I was co-editor of the school newspaper; I was known as the writer and had a close group of girlfriends. In middle school I was an outcast, from the tough streets of my hometown, a much more urban environment then those posh suburbs.  I started getting low grades even in English, my favorite subject. There was less and less creative writing and more essays focused on correct grammar rather than the flowery, poetic, language my romantic heart loved to use.

We viewed taking a break as a chance for me to homeschool for a year before I entered high school. After leaving the prep school I was down trodden and spent a lot of my time watching TV.  I wanted to check out from the world. As I started to shed the layers of self-consciousness and slowly rebuild my self-esteem I saw the whole beautiful world that lay before me for the taking. I met a bunch of "unschooled" teenagers, youth that had never gone to traditional school, forging their own paths, working in the world and following their interests not based off of what they should be learning. I found a community in these “unschoolers”.  I decided on a plan, and I was not going back to school.

Fast-forward many years later to my adulthood. I worked many jobs as a young adult, lots of nanny gigs and clerk jobs in small shops. I knew I could pull off the unschooling as a teen because I had my parents backing me. As a young adult I wondered how unschooling would look now that I was grown up. I got a sense of what adulthood would look like and figured out a myriad of ways to side step all the boring BS I saw other young adults going through. I got a high paying, low hours, very precarious, job as a nanny. Being a nanny you never knew when the family would change their mind and not need you anymore. I made good money but rarely had the job security other more regular jobs come with. I worked as a nanny till I had enough money to travel for a few months. I would go off on an adventure, come back and repeat the process. I became interested in going to art school in my early 20's and did what I had always done when I had a new goal. I broke down the steps it would take to get me there. I got my GED and applied to college. I got in to my first choice school that did not use traditional grades and had an interdisciplinary liberal arts focus. I was also eligible for in-state tuition and being twenty four, not reliant on anyone else’s income, I was eligible for more money to make it all do-able financially. 

While in school I met my life partner. We decided to be committed to each other and then we got the surprise of our lives, our first child. I was uncertain how to pull off this parenting/unschooling life. One obvious choice would be to leave the financial part of our lives to my partner and be a stay at home mom (SAHM). SAHM's got all the freedom to do what they pleased with kids, play while others worked and it seemed like a good package. I started off SAHMing but two big things hit me with a thud. First, SAHM only truly works if your partner makes enough money that you are not constantly worried about making ends meet. Second, being an unschooler for most of my life I had so much creative ambition, so much zest for life. I wanted to make a bigger dent in the world then just parenting my children. I wanted to carry them along with my vision and parent them while affecting change on a grander scale. I had also been a nanny for many years, caring for young people was grand but I wanted more, I also wanted to work with adults and not always be in the care giver role.

I started looking for work with strict criteria. Being a recent college grad, in Austin, a new city, with a young child, and without the exorbitant amounts of money it costs to put a child in day care, it was slim pickings. I was thinking,  “this job better be worth leaving my kid, it better make enough money to pay for her childcare, and it better be fun and engaging”. It took me two years to find a job of this nature. Still, precarity followed. I got a job working at an after school program teaching art and social justice. It was perfect for me creatively. I got paid enough, I got to make art, write fun curriculum, work with interesting artists and activists, and be a leader. It was all the things I could want in a job. It was also part time work that changed seasonally. I was moved to different schools and had long stretches during school breaks where I made no money at all. Finding childcare for just the afternoons to make it all financially do-able was super challenging. Still the pros out weighed the cons and I stuck with it, picking up holiday shop work when I was off for too long. I found a flexible in-home day care Sweetpea loved that would have her just in the afternoons. It felt like I sort of had it made. I had a really fun job and I got to be with my family a lot. The uncertainty was hard going though, never knowing when the next job would be and where. We also started desiring other things, like a home we could set roots in, a weekly connection with family. We were ready to settle and Austin didn't feel like the place to do it.

We moved to Tulsa two and a half years ago. Upon arriving I got a job doing visitor services and programming at a public garden. The garden was dreamy work, flexible with my child care schedule, not too many hours, and the biggest plus: stability. My hours were set. This was a great thing until it became not a great thing. After 2 ½ years of being locked into a low pay non-profit job I was feeling the urge to move on. I still felt like we were scraping by and the only ways to move up in my organization was doing more stuff I didn't want to do. It was time to follow my bigger vision for teaching sustainability. Under The Canopy was born.

So here I am, a full-fledged adult in my mid-30's with two kids, a life partner, a mortgage and a degree. I am also now officially an adult unschooler.  I am living authentically, financially soundly, presently for the important work of parenting my dear children and sharing my vision for a sustainable future through the work of nature awareness at Under The Canopy. The next step is helping daddy get a chance to be an adult unschooler.  Our vision is to form a beautiful life doing the things we love with our family at the heart of it. We might be in debt for a while, we might not be able to travel for a while, but you can be sure we are following our dreams. Wish us luck!

 

 

The Do-able Camping Trip: Tips on Camping with Little People

I always imagined we would be a camping family. Being outdoorsy and loving adventure the way I do, I saw camping as my family’s way of bonding and having a cheap alternative for vacation. While all this is true, it took us awhile to make it happen. I often run into the stumbling block of having a partner that does not feel the same way about prioritizing adventure, so it’s all on me to make these jaunts into the wild happen. Finally, last winter I set the intention that we would go camping Memorial day weekend and by gun, we did!

This trip went smoothly and it was fun.  Our camping trip included nostalgic experiences from my childhood, and a sense of awe for the beauty of late spring. We also stayed mostly in our budget! The trip included two adults, our 5 1/2 year old and an 11 month old. This trip went so well I am now on a mission to encourage more parents to take their young children camping. Most people I know think it’s a good idea to go camping but rarely get to make it happen. It can be daunting, what will we do all day? What if the kids can't sleep? What if terrible weather hits the campsite? I will lay out for you how to make camping with young children go well. I know you all can do it too!

 1. Keep the location simple. Families with young children need lots of uncomplicated time in nature to relax and discover the world around them. You don't have to go far from a city to find this. We asked friends for recommendations, checked out websites and looked at a book about camping in Oklahoma. I chose a site that was 1 hour from our home. The place had bathhouses, water pumps, a pool, a play ground, tent camping away from the RV's, and some nice, easy to manage trails. The location was ideal, far enough so that we felt we were having an adventure but close enough so we could come home quickly if we needed to. It was also in the country but close to a town where we could easily get amenities and play if we wanted to.


 2. Warm your kids up to the idea of camping ahead of time, and test all your gear beforehand.  I have talked up camping to Sweetpea for a while but since we have never gone she didn't really know what it would be like. A few days before the trip we set up our tent in the living room. She helped me put it together. We played in the tent most of the day and imagined what it would be like to be outside under the stars. I told her stories from my childhood camping and stories from when I got my own tent in my 20s and backpacked across Europe with it. As we went to put "Minerva" away one of the zippers broke. I was so sad to see my tent broken and knew we could not fix her before we left. When I told the news to daddy he said it was time to get a new tent. A big one our whole family could be in together. This is where we went over budget, but now we are the owners of a big, cushy tent we will be able to play with for years to come. 

3. Have a good mix of activities but don't pack too much into a day. With little ones its good to have two major parts to the day, but keep it to that. They mostly want to be in the rhythm they are at home only in this new, fun context. The day we did push it by renting a canoe for the evening lead to two whining and crying kids. Luckily near the end of the ride they both fell asleep and daddy and I got to have the awe filled experience of canoeing around in the evening. That said, we vowed to axe it next time.

4. Make your trip mostly tech free and plug into nature. Daddy definitely was checking his smart phone some by the campfire at night, but mostly we tried to leave the technology at home. I didn’t realize it was bothering me that he was on his phone till I saw him do it. To get him away from the screen I would just suggest we go for a walk to the look out and watch the stars. We also played cards by candlelight one evening. This opened time to using our senses and seeing more clearly what was around us. We took in the smell of the cook fire, strange bird calls, and the dazzle of late spring wild flowers. Our lives are often a buzz with technology, camping is a great chance to take a brain break from our phones and busy lives at home.

5. Keep the bar low for what your kids can do outdoors and they might surprise you. We took Sweatpea on mini hikes though out the campsite. We did not expect her to hike for hours in the heat; we just took her on the easiest trail and turned around whenever she was ready. Since she was leading, we ended up stopping a lot but that was good. She owned the hike and gave us a chance to take more pictures of wild flowers. When she would say she wanted to turn around sometimes I would push her and say maybe a little more? What’s beyond that bend? That sometimes worked and sometimes did not, either way we were building a relationship with nature and the more she got to decide how long she wanted to be away from camp, the more excited she was to go for a hike.

6. Always pack water, granola bars and Band-Aids before setting off anywhere. The first hike we went on was just to explore the camp ground. Sweatpea fell and scraped her knee halfway down a hill. She was super upset so I said I would go back to the campsite to get her a Band-Aid. While there I grabbed a few water bottles and granola bars. The band aid made her feel better and later on when we got a little lost following a deer path, the water made all the difference in us being able to happily finish our hike. Moral of the story, even for the shortest time out, make sure you have these things.

7. Don't let the threat of rain stop you. I think one of the major things that keep people away from camping is the fear of bad weather. I am here to tell you can even have fun camping while it is raining. If you prepare and have a good waterproof tent you can cozy a rainy afternoon away in your tent. Or, grab your boots and find puddles to splash in. Examine what the forest looks like before, during and after the rain. It is not a lot of fun cooking in the rain with no campfires, but the water can bring on other fun like playing with mud and telling stories about the rain. If you pick a campsite near a town you can even order pizza to go and eat it in your tent. Or go out for the meal and come back to your cozy tent that evening for playing cards and reading books. You can sleep with the peaceful sounds of raindrops. Rain also tends to clear out less intrepid campers so campsites are quieter. You feel like a real outdoors person after braving a few days outside in the rain. Also, nothing can beat the smell of trees and plants after rain.

8. Take advantage of all the things the park has to offer. The first thing I did after signing us in was look at all the brochures in the park’s office. I went over the map with the ranger and found out about all the cool things happening that weekend. We used the pool and the canoes. I bought a glow in the dark constellation bandana, and I got a fun mini passport book for Sweatpea for free. This booklet had all the state parks in Oklahoma and activities to do in each park. Activities included checking out special sights in the park, fun yoga moves, and a scavenger hunt on the trails. We did them all and she got a stamp at the end of our stay. There are so many fun and inexpensive ways to connect to nature in a park, it only takes time to look up info and ask around.

The hardest thing about camping with a baby was feeding her. The picnic bench was too much fun for her and she kept trying to stand up and eat. Her standing made her fall a lot and get food everywhere. I was a mess after every meal trying to hold food in my hand and put it in her mouth. I highly recommend some kind of traveling high chair for the baby stage of camping.  I also found it hard that she was crawling around in the dirt and putting everything in her mouth. Though this was challenging I still think it was important for her to explore and get dirty. We just changed clothes a lot, fished for rocks and acorns in her mouth and when I could not take it anymore, played in the tent or just put her in her carrier.  


Remember that adventure for your family is as simple as all sleeping in the same room with only a layer of tent separating you from the outside. Eating outside and seeing the stars are huge benefits as well. There is no need to plan a lot of stuff to do; the adventure is found in living outdoors for a small span of time.