Gluten Free Year Two

My history with a gluten free diet is long and sordid. When I was a baby my two year old brother was diagnosed with Celiac disease. The diagnosis came after suffering with a distended belly and not being able to properly digest food for months. Once my parents eliminated gluten from his diet he immediately improved. This was in the early 80’s when not much was available for people who couldn’t eat wheat. It was a hard road for him. I grew up with a lot of wheat alternatives in our home but still ate wheat. My mother explained to me that I had a wheat tummy and my brother had a rice tummy.

Fast forward to my 20’s, I decided to try an allergy elimination diet. I was into trendy, healthy life style stuff and thought I would see if my stomach aches, acne, etc. might be related to food allergies. A lot of my friends were trying this at the time so I thought I could try it too. One of my friends had found out he was allergic to eggs and once he stopped eating them his chronic acne went away. I did not have the same issue but was curious what it might do for my overall health.  

In an elimination diet, you take 3 weeks and refrain from eating all the foods that are common allergens.  These foods are eggs, wheat, dairy, peanuts and corn. After the 3 weeks is over you re-introduce the foods one at a time in a concentrated form. For example when reintroducing dairy you would drink a glass of milk while testing dairy, verses eating a cookie with milk in it. Then you wait for an hour to see if you have an allergic reaction. These reactions can be tricky and varied. One reaction is swelling, soar throat, flu like symptoms. Another is digestion issues, stomach cramps, nausea. Another allergic symptom is sores that can develop on the insides of your lips after eating the food. The first time I did this diet it was really hard to tell what was an allergic reaction. It seemed like all the common allergy foods made me feel high and fuzzy. Eggs seemed to have a stronger sensation but it was hard to tell. The only one that had no side affects was dairy. Luckily dairy and my stomach have always been friends.

After doing this diet once and having such varied results I ended up feeling like it was a waste of time and just went back to eating whatever.

Enter pregnancy a few years later. My body completely changed, even the way I digested food seemed to change for the better. I had suffered for a time with stomach ulcer like symptoms pre-baby, post baby the ulcers resolved. After having the baby, Sweetpea, I was over joyed and super focused on her more then myself. However, I did notice while nursing Sweetpea that wheat bothered me. It was hard to pin point why but I could tell after eating wheat I did not feel good, more lethargic, more sores on my lip, and sometimes hot or burning sensations. I really noticed the symptoms when I was on a trip to Italy. Italy as a country actually has a lot of Gluten Free (GF) options. At the time, I was not restricting my eating and enjoyed lots of pasta and bread. Everyday I felt more and more out of it. My head got really itchy, something inside me kept saying, “this is related to wheat” but I didn’t want to hear it.

 A few years passed after the trip. Over new years, a friend and I decided to set some resolutions around our health. I wrote, “get to the bottom of any health issues” I had. I started this resolution with a 40-day allergy elimination diet. This time I was going to pinpoint the foods I suspected I was allergic to, eggs and wheat. Forty days with no wheat or eggs was rough as most prepared foods contain both these ingredients. Most prepared GF foods have eggs in them, so it was almost all home cooking for me.

I was diligent this time, not eating the foods I knew I shouldn’t and letting go of the random wheat and egg treats that are prevalent everywhere.  I just did not partake.  A pleasant experience from this is I lost about 10 pounds; the random treats really did add up.  I was hoping to lose my baby weight from my second child, Little Pickle, so I was able to check off two new years resolutions at once, score!

A memorable moment in the allergy elimination phase was at an office party where everyone was having decadent cupcakes. I had forgotten about the party and busted out my sunflower butter and jam rice cakes that I had planned to have for lunch. Everyone felt bad for me but I laughed it off explaining my new diet.

After 40 days I re-introduced eggs, whites then yolks. Absolutely no allergic reaction! I was very pleased to see this. On to wheat, I ate half a baguette for lunch. Right afterword I felt woozy. My lips started to sting my throat was sore. The rest of the day was a blur and the next few days I felt like I had the flu. It was terrible and a big wake up call. My body was fighting off an allergic reaction every time I ate wheat. It was inflaming my back, giving me chronic back pain, it made me gain weight and made me feel like crap.  It was time to stop eating wheat.

Sense the initial elimination of wheat and subsequent weight loss, things slowed down into a routine. The first year was all about experimentation, trying new GF products and figuring out how to eat happily with my wheat eating family. Thankfully I was somewhat skilled in this having lived my childhood with my GF brother. Often when I cook I just cook GF for everybody. My husband will do things GF for me as well but sometimes I just eat my own meal. One of the health benefits I noticed was less back pain. I was working with a cranial sacral therapist to help with this as well. I think wheat was inflaming my back and not eating it anymore made my body feel less irritated and tense.

It is now year 2 of being GF. At this point it has become routine. Like a vegetarian I just know there are certain foods I can’t eat. I don’t even really miss them. I associate the wheat foods with the allergic symptoms and that really helps. I occasionally long for real Italian bread but I also know what will happen if I indulge. It is not worth it. It can be a bummer when you’re on a special diet especially when negotiating dinning out options with my family. One day I just let us go to the pizza place and I ate a hearty salad instead. Most of the time though, I can find something GF and tasty on the menu.

There are a lot of alternative baked goods out there now, but they vary in quality. I know to not eat most pre made GF muffins unless I want a dry, sandy overly sweet flavor in my mouth. GF frozen waffles however taste great. GF pop tarts- nasty, GF cinnamon sugar doughnuts-super tasty. I am very particular about the mixes I buy and alternative breads. Bob’s Red mill makes 2 great all purpose GF flours one is garbanzo based, a little healthier, the other is potato starch and tapioca based, it is not very healthy but gives the fluffy soft rise when making pancakes. We use these flours combined with almond flour for most things.  Canyon Bakehouse makes my favorite, whole grain GF bread so far. This bread is my indulgence at $6.99 a loaf but I love toast and eggs for breakfast each morning.

My brother had this disease from when he was a toddler. I watched him deal with this his whole life.  I am blessed to become GF in a time when there is a lot more information & products out there. I wonder how much of my allergy is celiac and how much of it is related to all the chemicals put into wheat and the genetically modified seeds that I am having a reaction to? I will eventually get tested for celiac; for now being GF is what works best for me.

What are your favorite GF foods? What have you figured out about this disease?

A Foodie Tour Of Northwest Arkansas

As you read the title of this post you might be wondering, foodie, Northwest Arkansas? What? I was a skeptic too but I can now safely say some of the best eats in the Mid-South come from this region of Arkansas. Now that I live in Oklahoma, I see Arkansas as a vacation destination. I would have laughed at this just a few years ago, but now living down here I can see why. Northwest Arkansas is rugged and beautiful, and home to the Ozarks,  green and lush and full of flowers, hallows and rivers. There are all kinds of recreation to be had but also fun, little, quirky towns, with cultural sights and charm galore. Believe me you will want to visit if you ever end up near the Mid-South. We took this tour sans kids as an anniversary weekend, though most of the places were kid friendly and I am sure could be enjoyed by families. 

Our foodie tour starts in the quaint college town of Fayetteville. This town definitely has a collegiate feel and also some fun, old Victorian, Southern bungalows and public art  making it feel alternative and funky. The restaurant we stop at is called "Arsaga’s At The Depot." Part cafe, part restaurant The Depot serves up indy, haute cuisine and drinks in a laid back Southern setting. An old train station that houses multiple stores, The Depot is behind the Chipotle and can be recognized for its large planters filled with herbs and veggies they use in the restaurant. Upon entering you are met by a staff in vintage dresses or casual, gender neutral clothing. This place feels like a little bit of Olympia, Washington with a Southern twist. We end up on the patio on a humid 100-degree day, but its shady and large and makes you feel like a southern belle. We order drinks, the Fairchild, perfect for a hot day, a peach, mint and coconut milk drink, and the Japanther, a Japanese cold brew coffee with fruit, both absolutely delicious.

For lunch I get the Redmond, a sandwich specially prepared on a buckwheat crepe since I don't eat gluten. The flavor combinations are exquisite in this sandwich, a combo of modern American, Asian and health nut influences that somehow meld together perfectly. The buckwheat crepe is light and crispy and provides a perfect side bread for the pickled sesame carrots topped with a creamy soft-boiled egg and miso infused sweet potatoes. There is a fresh green sauce that comes along with it and a field greens salad, fresh picked from the side of the restaurant. Daddy got their version of poutine or kimchi fries with brisket; we were blown away by the many combinations of “meal as fries” they had. So tasty! The place backs up against the old train track, which is now a bike path, we explore afterword, taking in the country scenery. This was a lovely city to start our food tour in. 

We next head to Eureka Springs Arkansas. This city is pure magic, a tourist town but super funky, artsy and unique. Chiseled into the side of rock, steep hills make up the geography of a town filled with Victorian buildings, trolley history and eclectic characters. Deep magic pools of cold spring water come pouring out the side of the hills and into gorgeous mini gardens nestled in-between fun touristy shops. We spent our last anniversary here and wanted to come back even if it was just for a day. The town is known for its good dining. 

“Le Stick Nouveau” is a fascinating French restaurant that takes you into the basement of the New Orleans Hotel. All is dark purple, lush and sparkly. A man played an electric violin and we were surrounded by large, billowy curtains pulled back with golden ropes strung with the kind of tassels one always wants to yank. Our waitress was very friendly and recommended a yummy appetizer of thin slices of raw beef that had been smoked. When she came out with the order it was presented in a glass container filled with smoke. Something about the glittery purple ambience, the violin player and the lady in a black corset bringing us a bowl filled with smoke made me feel like I was in a magic show. It was very fun and made me giggle all night. They also insisted on putting daddy's sparkling water on ice and filling it up like a wine glass, which made us laugh. The dish that stuck out the strongest was the duck A LA ‘Orange. This was enchanting; each mouthful more pleasant then the last with potatoes au gratin I wrote the recipe down it was so full of yummy flavor.

We worked off our affordable, enjoyable, French meal with a walk to the Basin Springs Downtown Park. There we were entertained by a hippie kid named Crayola singing with a ukulele and a couple of tango dancers we met last time we were here. We would have spent the night in Eureka Springs but we had tickets to a Chihuly exhibit in Bentonville Arkansas, so we departed at sunset for our Bentonville hotel.

Weird, wonderful and Walmarty Bentonville Arkansas is the birthplace of Walmart. Don’t let that information stop you from checking it out. While the town does have a lot of Walmarts and even a Walmart history museum it is also an international city for business; all the companies trying to sell to Walmart have hubs in Bentonville making it a fairly wealthy and international town. Hence the Chihuly glass exhibit at one of our favorite museums to check out in the area, Crystal Bridges. This museum houses beautiful and classic works of American art. The modern section is on point and the building itself is fascinating. It was built in a minimalist fashion meant to represent mounds of earth surrounding a creek. The harmony of art, architecture and nature is a pleasure to behold. Also Crystal bridges main exhibits are free and a brand new children's museum was built next-door making it a very kid-friendly place to visit. Crystal Bridges is the best reason to come to Bentonville but there are also some delicious eats to be had while in the city.

That morning we awoke to the fact that our hotel did not offer free, continental breakfast. Looking at the menu and the price we knew we could do better. A quick yelp search led us to “The Buttered Biscuit”. As a gluten free (GF) person I was not sure this would be the best place for me to eat but let me tell you I was wrong! They had delectable GF biscuits and gravy on the menu. This place had a French kitchen vibe, all blue, white and gold with chicken imagery in the corners.  The wait was not too long and everyone was friendly, very family oriented, I played with a little boy who was waiting next to me in line. Daddy got The Rue, a hollandaise Benedict with corned beef. I got the Goat Trail, a goat cheese and veggie omelet with a GF biscuit. All was delicious and very filling for our museum day. It was perfectly topped off with Onyx coffee lab bottomless cups of drip coffee. Onyx is a very unique and fancy coffee bar in the downtown square of Bentonville worth checking out. Onyx Coffee Lab makes you feel like you are in a hip, urban city and has all the fancy contraptions for delectable gourmet coffee.

The last stop on our foodie tour is one of our all-time favorites. As I mentioned before Bentonville is an international town and there is specifically a large Indian population. There are many Indian restaurants to choose from but our favorite is called “Flavors Indian Cuisine.” It has all the trappings of good Indian place.  The restaurant is in a strip mall, out of the way, Indian television is playing, the majority of the clientele are Indian and not all the food is labeled in English. This place is a buffet, the grandest buffet I have ever been too. It goes on and on, with different types of food from all the different regions of India. You can get the traditional, northern tikka masala here but also three different kinds of dal as well as dosa, idli and sambar and at least ten varieties of Indian desserts. 

They always have a vegetarian side of the food warmers with such tasty bites as fried ridge gourd, bitter melon curry and banana flower soup. There is also a spicy eggplant dish I delight in. It is best to come to this place hungry and eat your heart out. It could really be a one meal of the day kind of place. As we suck candied fennel on the way home, chai spice still in our mouths, I am pleased to put a bookmark at the end of this foodie tour.

Go to Northwest Arkansas, it is beautiful, full of culture and an un-trampled area for exploring with a flair of southern hospitality and good eating.

Cleaning Out Your Childhood

I just spent a week in my childhood home. It took me to my mid-30s to face the final flotsam and jetsam of my childhood waiting for me in the closet. It took this long partly because I did not want to reclaim my beloved toys without having a solid house to put them in. Now that we have settled for a bit and Sweetpea came of age to actually play with these toys, I saw that it was time. For my mother it had been time for a while. She had been asking me to come get my stuff for years. We headed cross-country this summer with enough space in our car’s trunk for a few of the most valued of my childhood possessions. 

The sorting and trashing of nostalgia is an art form. In the KonMari method of de-cluttering, nostalgia is the last priority one should tackle when getting rid of possessions. Old letters, photos, dear to me trinkets and keepsakes have always had a place in my heart. I was such a romantic/nostalgic kid I would not let anyone throw or give away anything. Luckily I did not have a lot of stuff, but it still could add up. I kept paper bags of chestnuts and crab apples in my room for food in the tiny village games I made up.  I saved locks of hair in envelopes and had a collection of tiny boxes filled with sentimental tiny objects that people had given me or reminded me of places and events in my life. 

As I grew older and became more of an artist the stuff continued to pile up. I kept every issue of Seventeen magazines for collage clippings and every colorful sheet of paper to paint on. As I collected art supplies I also had a large assortment of pen pals, from pre-email days. I loved to gab on the phone with friends but I also loved writing to them and I now have 2 full sized boxes of letters to prove it. Such a treasure trove! There is nothing like old letters to set my cancer heart aflutter. Seeing my friends through words, our experiences together, our hopes and dreams, there really is nothing like it.

I was trying to let go of stuff though, right? Enter the non-nostalgic take care of business parent. This is operation clean out closet, leave no shelf un-dusted. My mission is to leave this place with just 4 boxes of mementos and one dollhouse, go! Luckily, I started the process a few years back when I realized it was time to get my old clutter out of my mom’s house. On that trip I actually went through all the old letters, pouring over the words of dear friends and giggling at a brief affair with a French man who called me Titi. I brought those letters home that trip, now was the time to completely empty the space. Most things were in boxes already but they still needed sorting. With my head and not my heart I sifted through the things that I deemed worth saving and the things that got passed to Goodwill. I often found my self faced with something I had kept for a long time. When I looked at these objects, specifically old works of pottery I had done, I realized the memory of them is what held the meaning. Out of context, actually holding the physical object did not hold the same importance. Many things ended up in the giveaway or throwaway pile that I would have never dreamed of being there before. 

I found the best way to get rid of nostalgic objects is to blow them a kiss as I passed them on. The energy that surrounded them had faded with age, sitting in my old closet for many years. I had very few regrets in this process of purging. There were a couple of handmade stuffed toys that I let go of that I am still thinking about but other then that it was good! It felt right to give new life to an old space. I gave my mother room to move on with that room and do what she would like with it. I am a lucky person to have a family that stayed in the same house through my lifetime, a family that held onto my things till I was ready to purge them. I know a lot of people who did not get that luxury.
Of the things I did keep, I now get to see them be brought back to life, like a “Toys” movie. I get to see my beloved, very 80’s-90’s Barbie dolls being played with by Sweet Pea. I get to see my resurrected old dollhouse in use again, with all its many, miniature, parts.  I still have 2 boxes that are filled with pure nostalgia, one day I might even purge some of them. For now, it is good to hold onto the many layers of self found in old art projects, journals, letters, pictures from my grandmothers and a few of their little trinkets. As long as it is just a few boxes I am ok with keeping them.

I prepped for this trip by working on my daughter’s art projects. From babyhood onward we had amassed a huge amount of sentimental artwork done by her. It seems that every corner of our home was crammed full with boxes and bags of her art projects. I set myself to the task of sorting through and figuring out which pieces were worth keeping and documenting. I wanted to make her a photo book of her best artwork from this early part of her life. What a great way to memorialize the work and let it go, I thought. I had to be very secretive about this process. If Sweetpea even sensed a hint of me trying to recycle anything she made, she was mortally offended. I spent evenings, after bedtime, going thought the bags and hours when she was on play dates, sorting. The whole process for this nostalgic, keep everything parent took a good, solid month. It was hard to see all those bags of her work go into the recycling bin, but when I saw all this open space in the corners of our house, and watched as she busted out 5 new projects in one day alone, I figured we could handle saying goodbye to 3 bags full of 2-year-old scribble art work.

The next big project is going though my artwork, eek! My office closet is filled with old photographic supplies and prints from my early days of photography. I will keep you posted.

Birthdays

I recently watched a Portlandia episode where one of the main characters was making a big deal about her birthday. She was going over the top to celebrate it in all the ways that would delight her. She was drawing  a lot of  attention to herself and really wanting folks to make a big fuss over her. While watching this it drew me into my own birthday reflections. What an interesting moment in time. The moment you were born into the world.  I thought how much I want friends and family to make a fuss over me. How those early baby feelings of being wanted, loved and cooed over come up on this date every year.

At different times I have had amazing birthdays. As a child in Connecticut my mom was skilled at making a really fun home made birthday party based upon my interests at the time. I recall a safari petting zoo theme one year, a boat ride through the Thimble Islands when I was 12 with all my friends, and the traditional cake and play outside when I was little. I went through a lull of big celebrations as a teen. It was hard to figure out how to get together my friends who lived in many different states. One year, my 16^th, was the exception. My friends and mom all met up in New York City and went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and tramped around Soho and Greenwich Village, owning the city. Experiencing NYC with my loved ones felt like the best celebration to me. 

In my early 20’s, while living in Seattle, I had a lovely friend who was great at coming up with big celebrations for me. When I turned 24 I gave her a list of experiences I wanted to have, pet a llama, have a picnic, go to a hot spring. She made a party out of us going on this big adventure into the mountains to a hot spring ending in a llama farm. I also recall being pregnant with Sweetpea and having a Portland birthday adventure. That birthday included a picnic in a park and dancing to Bollywood at a club that night with my big pregnant belly on the dance floor.  I felt free.

By Jessica Foster

Post kids it has been harder to celebrate me. Last night at my birthday potluck as I waited to gather everyone together, the children at the party had their sticky fingers in the ice cream melting around the second layer of my cake. I stood my ground and said “Birthday girl gets the first piece!” but they swarmed like hounds once that piece was cut. Not quite like my birthday the previous year when I turned 35. The adult celebration I got to have when my in laws took the kids. We had wine, viewed my old art school films, folks showed up at 10 pm and the party lingered to midnight. I got a taste of my life pre-children and it was sweet.

As a parent I savor any alone time I get. I am a combo of introvert and extrovert and I find the best way to balance this is by having a good chunk of alone time. As my first birthday present of this year I gifted my self some time sans kids to write at a café. I used these few hours of alone time to contemplate what it means to be in my mid-30s. My 36^th year feels like my adult prime. I think that your 30’s and 40’s are a great time to take charge of the big things you want to do in your life and have the history, clarity and experience of your 20’s to back up your plans. If anything I feel more relaxed, as I get older, that time is expansive and I can have it all just slowly and not all at once.

By Ian Roberts

I am evaluating my life from this new perspective. I find that growing older just makes life better. I am more focused on my goals and less stressed about getting it all done. There was an adrenaline that ran through my 20’s to get everything done and fast. I now have the perspective of time on this planet, time for many things to happen, many wheels to turn, and many projects to develop. My husband has gifted me this ease to some extent. Though he is a master of juggling multiple things as am I, he does not feel that it all needs to happen in a quick way. I see my life unfolding with many delicious treats, at the moment I am in the thick of parenting and starting a business, but I know that I will not always be in this stage of life.

In some ways I can’t wait to get older.  I imagine I will be hitting my stride in all that I am doing and feeling truly in charge of my life. Maybe at that point parenting will become more of a collaboration with my children where I get to guide them more and sideways teach instead of doing so much to keep them afloat. It is good to think into the future and remember that I will reclaim my birthdays again someday and make them all about me. For now I am surrounded by the needy love of young people and it is still sweet.  I love all the homemade gifts, cards, making messy breakfast omelets, drinking sips of coffee in between threading needles for small felt toys.  But I also enjoy sneaking away to enjoy an adult celebration on my own in a café with big windows and small minty, lavender sparkling drinks.

The Self Entertained Kids

 

There is a new phenomenon in modern parenting. The concept that waiting around doing nothing is irrelevant and being self-entertained can only be achieved if one is playing on a screen. Sometimes I think I just hopped on the technology band wagon later than others. But when I look around a restaurant and almost every child is on a screen of some sort, even the babies, I see it as a transformation of the way our culture spends time.

I am not against technology. I use it frequently for entertainment, to promote my business, to stay in touch with long distance friends, and even to make art. The thing I have issue with is when and where to put the technology down. Most people think of their smart phones as an extension of their body. No longer do people ask each other for the time, when a bus is coming or, what the weather is doing. Why would you when you have your own personal computer with all your questions answerable at your fingertips?  It makes for a quiet in public space that can feel isolating, insular and non-adaptable. 

I recently went on a camping trip with a few other families. These families have prioritized low amounts of screen time for their kids. They believe in having experiences and being outside, and that one can be self-entertained without screens. The children we camped with ranged in age from 20 months (my little pickle) to 15 years old. There were 10 of them total. These kids were some of the coolest I have hung out with in awhile. Its not like they were spending all their time hanging with us adults; they immediately formed their own pack and had adventures galore. The entertainment was a little rowboat on a shallow creek, a beach of rocks, sticks, pools of water in-between boulders and the fun of a tent full of sleeping bags and camp paraphernalia

We made a fire and roasted different foods on it, we told stories at night and watched the stars. It was dreamy. When they weren’t all playing together in a pack I saw the older kids reading on a camp chair and fishing. One afternoon Little Pickle took a stick and poked it in holes where some bugs were nesting. She was at this for a full half hour while I got some writing done near by. At one point they set up a balance beam with two ropes strung between two trees, and all afternoon the kids took turns walking across. Two pieces of rope was all they needed to have a blast.

Witnessing children of a wide range of ages being self entertained with almost nothing was a revelation for me. I often see very young children able to be happy with just about anything, though it seems that at some point as they get older the technology becomes more enticing and their ability to be satisfied with simple tools stops working. We have all seen the kids who become a complete mess without their Ipad or a movie playing at all times. I have also witnessed the adult who completely freaks out when they can’t find their phone or the battery dies. I have regularly seen adults on Facebook during church services.

After our sweet weekend in the woods we went home and decided to treat ourselves to lunch at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. We don’t eat out a lot so we were all excited. Our table was chatty, usually Sweetpea has some great question we all get to ponder. Little Pickle was hungry, so she was able to sit still for a longer period and enjoy her food. We were all glowing from our long weekend outside. I peered at the booth behind ours, a family of four with two young children was sitting there, and all of them had screens. The baby had an Ipad propped up and was watching a show while he ate, the 3 year old also had an Ipad he looked like he was playing a game on, both parents had out their phones. The table was mostly silent as they all sat together having lunch out completely immersed in their screens.

I know I do not have the whole story, I have no idea what these kids are like and I certainly know how hard it is to be a parent and need a break. But this seems extreme to me. What kind of example are we setting when no one talks to each other and even the very young and impressionable are connecting with virtual reality instead of the people around them? I mostly felt sad for what they were missing. The chance to have family discussion, get to know each other more, engage with the people you chose to create your life with. At another table a 6 month old was being entertained on a phone while the parents ate. Is this the new normal? Remember when there used to be no cell phone signs at restaurants?  

I am calling for a reversal of the current trend. I want to see bored kids, kids that are bored enough to get creative and create really cool stuff from their boredom. I want to see more reading with actually books. I want to see adults and children engaged with the outside world not tinkering away on smart phones obsessing over the latest horrific news story. I want to see more random conversations with people around you, awkward dialogues about the weather, what is happening in your neighborhoods and how to make things better where you are, right here, in the present.

How do you get your child to be self-entertained you may ask? Well, it’s a belief to start out with, a belief that your child will figure it out. That it doesn’t have to be a screen to entertain you and them, that there is a vast imagination waiting to be tapped and a wealth of engagement in the everyday. It is also about setting an example. Choosing to not always turn to your phone for info, kinship and boredom. This is a hard one for me too. I am still learning.

On road trips Sweetpea does what she has always done since we started taking her on epic road trips, she stares out the window. She has an assortment of small toys, some snacks, and a sketchbook. Our big splurge is a sticker book; this keeps her entertained for literally hours. At restaurants we talk to her, and if we want adult dialogue we pass her an activity book and she doodles on it. It can really be that simple. If she wants screen time at home she typically has to do a set of chores and wait till her sister is napping. The only exception is when she is sick then she gets to watch a bunch of television. I really encourage all parents to get away from the screens, you and your children don’t need them, you will be happier with less screen time. Lets get back to the rhythm of a less virtual age. 

Rhythm and Intention

As a parent it is second nature for me to take care of people. Figuring out how to balance my needs and my children’s/families needs is my life’s work. Finding time for each important thing and being fully present is my ultimate goal. The difficult thing about finding balance while parenting is that parenting is innately imbalanced. Just as you think your getting over the curve of yet another phase, a new one side swipes you and you have to figure out how to live in temporary insanity. Parenting keeps me on my toes, ready for the next wave of change, the next desire to absorb, learn and grow from.

In my current job as a preschool teacher I see the ebb and flow of life all day long. The rhythm of our day is essential. We are always thinking well about everyone's bodies, needs, sensory experiences including our own as caregivers. The whole program is set up so that we are properly nourished, infused with warmth and nurturing and taken through the progression of a day slowly. We thoughtfully transition from one thing to the next. In a capitalist society that is always saying go, go, go, it feels like entering into another world to focus on the essential tasks of simple daily living. It is kind of blowing my mind. 

I started working at Roots of Wonder, a Waldorf inspired, mostly outdoors pre-school last fall. At first it was just weekly observation, being in the classroom and getting to know the children. In the new year I am now a daily caregiver taking on a co-worker’s maternity leave. At Roots the theory is we can create a rhythm that flows seamlessly through our time, one that includes what they call “in breath” and “out breath.” Everyone is held by the rhythm and feels nurtured so there is little interference. We get to play as adults, children are given time indoors and outdoors, they are nurtured with wholesome homemade food they help make with the knowledge adults are close by but not interfering with their work or confrontations. Mostly we let the children settle their disagreements and stay close by in case they ask for help. One of my roles is to hold space for the little ones by doing my handwork. I sit in a rocker and mend holes in socks that have sat for months collecting dust waiting to be mended at home. Now my work provides time for me to take care of the clothing that needs mending. It also provides a chance for children to see me fully engaged in in a task, a task worthy of them mimicking. I get to use my creative mind and learn to knit. I get to make beautiful hand made things letting the aura of inspiration shine on the little souls around me.

We teach in a forest sanctuary, a man made forest in the back yard of some dreamers who decided to create a bird and butterfly habitat fifty years ago in midtown Tulsa. The trees are tall, birdbaths abound, and one of my jobs is tending to the birds with the young people. We check the baths each day, taking out leaves and breaking up chunks of ice. We refill the bird feeders with seed. We offer thanks to our feathered friends. We learn about what birds and squirrels use our feeders and teach in a sideways style. Learning by doing, learning through play outside.

Incorporating life experience into my day while working with young people feels natural, like being at home. Sweeping of the floor is just as important a life skill as tying a shoelace. Knowing the cardinals behavior is just as important as learning the alphabet. Teaching in this environment gives me a chance to have some balance, sharing a long conversation over rice cakes and almond butter with my co-workers and the young people, singing them through each transition and using theatrics to learn life skills at story time. 

We create a seasonal program where we learn the importance of dressing warmly in winter and the magic of the tale of Jack Frost’s bite. We learn about how robins stay warm in winter and how to chop wood for a fire to keep warm. I love pretending to be father winter through the play of a story circle I get to imagine myself as a strong, burly, man of winter with my axe. I channel dwarf energy as I haul huge crumbly logs to create a retention border for our mammoth sand box. I tell the children I chipped way my home from rocks called Basalt. Embodying these characters brings me as much delight as it does them.   

I also get to bring Little Pickle with me! This is the icing on the cake. So many of my jobs lead me to these fun experiences that I wish my family could benefit from. At Roots of Wonder Little Pickle is by my side, getting a chance to be in nature for a good part of her day. She is watching her mom relaxed, supporting other children and her too. Its not always perfectly easy having her there but it also feels right that we get to be in this experience together.
I am still figuring out balance in my life. It is nice working at a place where the whole circle of life is well thought of, that we get to be parents and caregivers and weave magic in our time together.

    

Standing Up Against Hate

I have been disheartened, disenchanted and stuck in the mud this last week. I realized how much of a bubble I live in and how much denial I was in that people would honestly elect Donald Trump. My heart hurts that bigots are smearing their hate in Trumps name feeling like they have won. The mean streak this week in the USA is sickening. We are stuck in a new world where the only answer is action. I wanted the transition of power to be more gentle than this but it’s not going to be and not settling for hate is the new mentality I have to embrace. Of course this is not a new mentality. As a woman raised in a sexist society I have had to take this approach to life over and over again. In fact Trump winning only puts into perspective all the times I have felt like the bully won. His rise to power reminded me of all the times I saw an unqualified male leader take dominance in my life and make things hard for me. After crying a bunch about these early experiences I was able to get a clearer perspective on the current situation. My biggest skill in this new world is being a good listener and showing up. 

I am a mother of two young children. I parent them solo a lot of the time and most evenings. I have to make focused decisions on the right kind of actions and demonstrations to take for them too. I will have to notice, which move will be about love, strength, and caring versus anger, dejection and fighting. I also have to be a steadfast beam of hopeful light in this dark and divisive sea. I already feel like I have said to too much in front of them. I will have to apologize a lot in the coming months as my emotions run towards the same hate I am preaching against. The people that voted for Trump are not the problem. These people actually want change as much as I do. I just want to go about it in a different way. I want a world where we live in harmony with nature, where money is not at the center of our universe and instead caring for each other and the planet are the most important things.

I got a bee in my bonnet last week. I was ready to take action. A friend sent me a Facebook message. The event was a chance to show solidarity to our Muslim neighbors. The organization CAIR Oklahoma was having a gala honoring Muslim Americans. The task was to welcome them to the event. We wanted to say we don't believe in Trump's agenda and we care about you and will stand up to people that throw hate in your direction.

The second I walked down the escalator to the event center with my two lovely daughters in my arms and by my side, tears came into my eyes. The hallway was lined with 100's of people from all walks of life spreading their message of love. These folks were just like me, sickened by the week’s events and trying to do something. 

I decided the kids could be a little extra tired that night. I would go and see how peaceful it was and leave if I felt like the children or I were in any danger. I decided it was ok for my back to hurt holding my 17 month old in a front carrier standing the whole time. I called my friends ahead of time and made sure they were going with their kids so Sweetpea would have others to play with. I decided that doing something was a lot better then hiding out in my home, overdosing on social media, sugar and fear.

It made a difference. Sometimes you do something and it’s hard to tell what difference you made. This can lead to discouragement and makes it hard to do more things. This event showed me how huge this was for this group of people. Holding signs stating  "Your voice is heard," "We welcome you as neighbors and friends" and "We will not let them target you." I watched as the attendees of the event walked up and down the hallway, glowing with tears in their eyes. I was hugged; people kissed my children and thanked them and me for being there. Some attendees walked down the hall with their phones on video broadcasting our action for all their community to see. They walked down the tunnel of love and respect we made for them. I was over come with emotion. Spreading love is the real power. Standing by people's side that are targeted with oppression, saying I will not stand for this is how we will get our message across.

We are bigger then the haters in this country right now. We are better equipped and more organized than we ever have been before. Americans don't want Trump, they want change and we on the left are now charged with the task of insuring that change is for the better. I am a mostly white European decent middle class female; other than sexism I could easily hide from the abuse. I am choosing not to. This is a choice I will have to make regularly these days. I will not stay silent.  Trump is not my president; he never will be.